Grammatically, it would be:

"If Walter loses Stamina, he loses an additional Stamina."

Also, his leg crippling should probably state that he is -1 Speed until the end of the turn.

But really it seems that the Pendulum has swung back too far. He gets unlimited uses of Marksman, which is interesting, but quite often not that important. Truly, you're probably better off just giving him that and deleting all the war wounds. As long as he doesn't have the Ambush bonus of +4 dice on virtually all combats for no reason, he seems pretty balanced. He can scale his Fight and Will up to 5 if need be, he has a decent Focus, and he can reroll his combat checks. Not bad. With a few clues under his belt, he can do vaguely alright against a Color From Outer Space.

-Frank

Thank you Frank,pvdlinde,thorgrim very much.Your comments really helped me to enjoy my first experience with SE

Final(i hope so) version

http://s52.radikal.ru/i136/0901/0b/115a970dc0e2.jpg

Looks good. Now you're going to want to go through and edit the text on the story. First of all, it looks like you wrote it in notepad and then transfered it. That leads to the weird line breaks you're seeing. Secondly, let's go through the text body and fix typographical errors:

Born in Stuttgart , Walter was the son of a military officer. He had no doubts about his future career. In 1913 , right before the Great War , Walter enlisted in the a rmy. In the War he got a serious wound that crippled his leg. After returning home Walter decided to go to the United States to get work and to forget the horrors of the War. It's often said that Walter witnessed some events best left unknown.

When Walter stopped in the city of Arkham, he began to feel something strange. One night he suddenly woke up knowing that horrible things were going to happen in the city. Once he had seen such things before and the memories would remain with him to the end of his life ; he would not let these things happen again.

He quickly put his uniform on and took his trusted weapon. Walter rushed into the midnight streets of Arkham. ..

---

But aside from editing for mere grammatical agreement, you might well want to throw down some rewriting of the text in order to be more "in genre." For example, you might want to change the flow of the story to something like this:

Walter was born in Stuttgart as the son of a German military officer. Eager to follow in his father's footsteps, he enlisted in 1913 - just scant months before the outbreak of the Great War. War in Europe was hard on Walter, and left him with a damaged leg that would likely remain with him until the end of his life. Worse still were the horrors he witnessed walking the shaded battlefields of Antwerp, a scar in his memory that would likewise stay with him forever.

After the armistice, Walter moved to the United States for work and to escape the past. But the past would not let him rest. Shortly after reaching the shores of Massachusetts, he began having disturbing dreams. Dreams that were all too familiar to him.

Knowing naught else to do, he put on his uniform, raised his weapon, and went to war once more...

-Frank

Thank you for your advice Frank, I corrected my text.But I am not native speaker,so writing texts pose some difficulty for me.

http://s42.radikal.ru/i096/0901/84/4dae22ed68a4.jpg

lishai said:

He´s just unbeatable. Without any drawbacks he is just too good in killing EVERYTHING, imo.

Django said:

But i already fixed this balance issue look for the later versions

lishai said:

I´m sorry, it´s my mistake. I didn´t check the last page...

Quick Reload ~Should read (atleast this make sense to me) Any Phase: Once per turn name may re-roll a combat check (word it just like Marksman), if you look on other character sheets they don't refer to Combat i.e. it's not usually combat then their ability and what this battle?

Crippled Leg ~ Should read like this Upkeep: then they way you have it written just replace Movement Phase with Upkeep!

but beside the wording it looks great good job!

About this weapon? I think it should exhaust sense it is the most powerful common item weapon in the game...

Shot Gun +4 6's dble success ~7 bucks?

Tommy Gun +6 ~7 bucks?

Flame Thrower +7 busrt ~7 bucks

This +6 CS 6's dble success ~8bucks!

Why not just give him Tommy Gun or make this a burst weapon i.e. Exhaust?

btw nice story again congrats!

Iy's not only my work but also work of this community participatnts:they helped a lot.

Very intesting investigator.Good for players,who wnat to play drunk bastard

Hey guys, I wanted to try making an investigator. He is original but I would like some feedback on him. Note that I want to take away 1 fight and add it to his luck but the file was corrupt and I haven't had a chance to remake him yet so keep that in mind.

and now for some comments.

First of all if anyone can find a better -monster-disguised-as-human picture send me a link. The current picture was the best I could find and I'm not a huge fan of it.

In making this investigator I wanted to make a monster sweeper who was a primary spell caster (least that's what he turned into). I originally based him on several other investigators most notable Pete and Tony.

The Biggest problem I can see with him is that he might be overpowered. with Young Zoog and Back stab his base stats are fairly high. I was hoping that the low sanity and extra stamina damage would help balance that. Since he also casts spells with his stamina this puts even more strain on it.

I wanted his Will and Sneak to be high since that canotically makes sence however I've learned from Pete that high sneak with low focus and speed is more a liability than an asset. Backstab and Young zoog give him a (virtual) 6/4 split sneak/speed while his Will is a (virtual) 7

As for his abilities I thought Backstab and Last Circle of Hell fit the character well in both name and theme. Fake Worship Blood Payment is supposed to mirror the AO granting him power mistakenly (like the worshipper ability of the AO) but I couldn't come up with a good name. If anyone can think of a better name I'm open to changing it.

So that's a very basic description though constructive feedback is welcome.

Does 'Back Stab' make it harder for it to pass Horror/ Evade checks? For example Cultist will be considered -4 Evade and Dark Young -1 Horror vs. this Investigator?

I would suggest referencing the Horror, Combat, and Evade check modifier as a bonus or as a penalty. Increasing the modifier is incredibly mbiguous as to whether it makes it easier or more difficult. Is a -2 "increased" to -3 or to -1?

If you're looking for high quality paintings, I suggest scrounging around in here:

www.conceptart.org/forums/forumdisplay.php

But regardless, make sure that you move the art around so that it covers the entire square. That black bar of non-coverage is unsightly. You'd be better off zooming in a bit and losing some of the suit so that you could cover the whole picture.

Finally, +1 dice on all tests with monsters is a little boring. What if he had a large bonus against some monsters? For example, a +3 on all tests against Plus, Slash, and Star monsters would average the same but have a very obvious and more tactical effect on play.

-Frank

allstar64 said:

How about just something simple like Blood Magic?

Considering the period the game is set it, and the period we're living through, someone should make a F.D.R. custom investigator :') [i'm half tempted to myself] Does this sound semi-balanced?

Sanity 6, Stamina 4

Starting Equipment $9, 2 clue tokens

Fixed Possessions: Whiskey [straight from the hip flask], Elephant Rifle [it used to be Uncle Teddy's]

Random Possessions: 1 skill

Max Speed/Sneak 3/0

Max Fight/Will 4/3

Max Lore/Luck 4/2

Special Ability: "The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself" F.D.R. automatically passes all horror checks.

Anyone want to put the finishing touches on it and put it in picture form?

@
Morgaln, dkw make a *real* Roosevelt :')

FDR had polio and couldn't walk. That makes him a rather poor investigator.

But there's another man you could use:

John Keynes, The Economist.

He can spend money to keep stores from closing.

-Frank

Frank said:

Why do you think I gave him 3 movement and 0 sneak ;')

But what, you think he can't use an elephant gun while in a wheelchair to save the world?! Don't be unrealistic :')

Perhaps his card should also have a second ability, "Polio: F.D.R. can not use motorcycles."

Heh... he should also have a lucky cigarette case as a fixed possession to go with this picture:

http://www.jolaf.com/lindsey/art/fdr.jpeg

::Sigh:: I wish my computer could run Strange Eons... Maybe in a few months when I upgrade :')

Or give him an ability where his speed cannot go above 3 and cannot receive more than 3 movement points.

MrsGamura said:

Welllll... There's no reason to think that he couldn't get a chauffer, being who he was. Also, why wouldn't he be effected by a Ruby of Ryleh? The only reason I mentioned the Motorcycle is because, um, there's no passenger car in the motorcycle picture ;') and I don't think he'd be able to drive it on his own. And because I wanted to make a nod to his Polio ;')

It just makes things simpler in the game mechanics. Because if you said no motorcycle you would have to include the military motorcycle and anything else that comes out later!

MrsGamura said:

And I would :') no bicycles, or horses, either.

His ability could say "if it's between his legs, he can't use it."

-Frank

Frank said:

I'm pretty sure he could, despite his polio ;') there's a reason his will is so high.