Not entirely on topic a related story worth sharing. My 3 year old son got new shoes that in his mind help him run super duper speedy fast. Which was all well and good until he told his mom that he couldn't wear his red socks because then he'd run too fast as daddy said "red wunz go faster"

They do, everyone knows that they do.

When you start a game where everyone drinks a shot when someone says "heretic".

Not entirely on topic a related story worth sharing. My 3 year old son got new shoes that in his mind help him run super duper speedy fast. Which was all well and good until he told his mom that he couldn't wear his red socks because then he'd run too fast as daddy said "red wunz go faster"

That's cute Shoes that light up when making a step are also pretty fast I heard

Back to topic:

-Khornite Renegade makes it is personal objective to find illegal fighting pits on Port Wander

-One of the groups psyker decides to bet on those fights

-Said Renegade lost an arm and had to burn Infamy, since his first fight was against four Kroot

-..won the fight through the Infamy and gains a bionic arm, made out of brass, later on

-Psyker didn't bet on the fight, because the bookers wouldn't give him enough for the shuttles he wanted to use for the bet

-Your team's Slaaneshi Apostate has about 50% chance of passing a -60 Charm test - on the second game session...

-After five years of playing 40k without experiencing a single truly dangerous Psychic Phenomenon, you get two cases of being possessed by a Greater Daemon in one game night.

-The team finds a stash of Warp-tainted hard drugs in the middle of a Space Hulk and decides it's the perfect time and place for a spontaneous orgy...

-...which pleases Slaanesh enough to shower them with mutations...

-...including the Khornite.

-The Apostate's player buys a notebook to keep track of his myriad lies, bluffs and betrayals.

-Whenever the Apostate's bluff gets called, he covers it up with an even less believable bluff - and somehow it keeps working.

-The team spends more time conspiring against each other than actually accomplishing anything.

-The team's Psyker is one of the most gifted medics in the whole galaxy, yet the team would rather use a random back alley butcher for their medicae needs, because nobody's comfortable with letting him have unrestricted access to their bodies.

When picking the working parts of his power armor the Slannesh marine dose not get renewable power source. Instead he shows up with a lesser minion who's only job is to continually turn the crank on a portable generator.

When asked why, he answers " I find it fitting that another's suffering is literally powering me!"

Warning: Incomming Squick!

A (npc) slaaneshi terminator had a naked battle sister, with her arms and legs amputated, strapped to his back, just because he enjoyed her screams as he was slaughtering the minions of the Emperor.

-When you capture the man you where sent to kill because he offered information on an Eldar vessel ripe for salvage.

-When you kill said man you captured by throwing him to a crowd of angry people.

-When you challange a deamon more powerful then you are to a duel because you want to fight him 'honorably'.

-When aformention duel is issued by a tzeentch follower to a khorne deamon.

-Half the group has tails....from character creation mutation rolls.

-You interupt a poker game and find that all players at said game had a deck of cards up their sleeves.

-You hire the guys from the poker game.

-The person with the highest number of khorne advances, is the party's psyker

-A reaver asks for mercy and he gets away because the party was too busy laughing.

-Someone who isn't a slaneesh worshiper buys a wife.

-Someone requisitions blood thralls, a blade recovered from the battle of terra, and force weapon latice work, and NO ONE ELSE figures out they're about to summon a deamon.

-Said person who no one catches on also has a WP of 70+

-An asartes fight's a pirate in a bar fight naked so it's an even match against the armed oppenet.

-A player sneaks an infernal star requisition past the GM without him realizing what the player has just aquired.

-Said player also snuck a autocannon past said GM

-Any character has responded to an Inquisitor's judgement with 'The Aristocrates'.

-Any character has responded to an Inquisitor's judgement with 'The Aristocrates'.

Somebody's been watching Hellsing Abridged...

You can bluff you way past a battle-barge full of Loyalist Marines, despite a shipful of fanatic mutant crew, and follow this up by talking them into giving you half their stockpiled geneseed.

-A player's pet Daemonette puts up only token resistance against being devoured whole by a maw in the ground brimming with tentacles, only to show up later covered in bite marks.

When one of the players inserts double agents to sow confusion in the Black Crusade because "How much more Chaotic can you get than a billion dreadfully confused cultists let loose on a planet, wondering if they should have a go at the Warmaster's title because they heard the Warmaster sleeps with a teddy bear dressed as a sister of battle?"

Yes, the Black Crusade failed miserably. But not because of that actually.

I want that teddy bear now

When one player picks up The Tyrant's Cord, and nobody can decide who's more deserving of it, so the remaining players lock it away in a gene-encoded box until such time as they can all decide upon a fair contest to play for it so none of them will have it.

-When one of your players suddenly realises something and yells "YOU GAVE ME PLAGUE!?" Not to the gamemaster, but another player.

Edit: - When the gamemaster is constantly asked to "step outside" to talk to players in private because of secrets and douchebaggery.

When the Captain botches the rolls for Navigation (Warp) and unbeknownst to the characters, that's why they pick up a daemon that starts killing off the crew. When the captain and his second in command finds out, they track down a room full of corpses and enough blood on the floor to cover the soles of your shoes.

The Captain's first reaction is; "Brunner, what the hell did you do?!".

Brunner being the resident khornite that goes out hunting every 8th day.

When forced to watch Nemo for the hundredth time over Thanksgiving you can't help but comment: Of course Nemo got out of the dental office safely. He sacrificed the rest of the fish tank to nurgle.

When you put up a Slaneeshi NPC and you get this as a response:

I'm btw not allowed to play Slaneeshi characters anymore.

Aaaaw that's sad! why?

Because my characters are into corrupting the innocent and the pure.

Insinuating one corrupt into a holy place to allow the corruption to seep over into the final debasement of a congregation.

To create a holy saint for the imperium, to manipulate events to allow her to ascend with clear vision and holy purpose into the ecclesiarchy.

To capture a transport of imperial pilgrims and selling them for the "pleasure" to the Emperor's Sons. The only stipulation is to have the recordings and the ship once everything is complete, to be sent to its final destination transmitting its unspeakable acts all across the shrine planet.

To find a holy daughter of the inquisition and turn her into a party girl - an addict to every vice and excess.

Breeding programs and then stealing the children to be used as tokens of blackmail.

When your nurlge sorc goes running for his life through the crowd of pilgrims in an imperial shrine since he's pretty sure the noise marine is going to keep firing his sonic blast(4) into the crowd regardless of his proximity.

When the "Captain" of the Crew misses one session and the Khornite was in charge:

...first thing the Khornite says is "Allright I'm acting Captain. No one arround to tell me what to do!"

...four new party members are on the ship

...the ship is on it's way to an outpost of the word bearers

...four of the said CSM are also on the ship

...and the Khornite now has a demon weapon

-the Nurgle Champion single handedly destroy squad tactics because no one wants to be near his banner aura, but he still saves everyone.

-instead of running away from the suicide bomber holding a melta, half the team charges!

-the one, none CSM who has tech use, walks into a stasis field trap. And gets left there by the CSM. (seriously, all they had to do was pull the plug!)

When the PCs decide that the conventional methods of corrupting captured Deathwatch Marines (ie, wearing them down through loaded dialogue/torture) were just a bit too slow .

Instead they used the Rite of Sundering to make an impromptu corruption sauna. (The Heretek's medical expertise was highly appreciated.) Afterwards they thought it went so well that the Khornate Chosen (CSM) and the Tzeentchian Psyker decided to found a new chapter of CSMs. Despite being a human, the latter is still the honorary Chapter Librarian.

- 2 CSM's rescue a company of Black Legion traitor legionaires from a small army of Plaguebearers led by a Daemon Prince, with an honor gaurd of 9 Great Unclean One's. And to top it all off, the black temple that the Black Legion was using as a defensive position turns out to be a Necron tomb.

- an Alpha Legion Chaos Sorcerer traps a Daemon Lord of Khorne in a pendent and wears it around his neck listening to the screams as it goes insane. Waiting for the perfect time to unleash it on his unwitting enemies.

- a Slaaneshi Blademaster CSM rips the dendrite blades out of a Dark Mechanicus' spine for the sheer thrill of it, then takes her prisoner to continue doing unspeakable forms of torture and other activities for his own entertainment.

Fyi, these toons are very late game and should actually be on their first Black Crusade, they have just chosen to keep amassing favor and forces before they strike.