Heh. Ultramarine.

Well, yes. They make good butts for jokes. Unless it's a flea joke. Then you use spacewolves. Or a garlic related joke. Then you use blood angels. I suppose you could make a wanking joke about the iron hands..

Ok, think about it a minute. Picture it in your mind. You're the quartermaster at deathwatch fortress erioch. Vortex grenades are one of the rarest items you hage. They are so rare and valuable even the most revered veteran kill team members can't requisition one. They can only be assigned by highest authority on the base, the watch captain himself.

Now some FNG who just walked into the base yesterday comes in and says he wants to requisition one.

As to the apocathery, he sure figured out a way to get old brother Zacharius out of his depression, didn't he?

Ah, I tought you were saying something about the scout gonna end up dead due to using the vortex grenade as a suicide bomb. (they can throw those things)

So, I found these online...

wow. those are disturbing.

wow. those are disturbing.

With Nighthaunter it's sort of a draw...

I'm amazed gw hasn't sued....

I'm amazed gw hasn't sued....

You're asuming that these are sculpts made by a fan.

These are the new style figures GW is gonna use for it's replacement of 40k!

GW took one look at super dungeon explore, krosmaster and all those oher chibi minature games and said: "we can do that to!"

So prepare yourselves: Age of the Primarchs , comming Q1 of 2017!

Is everybody out of 40k jokes?

I got one but it's a knock knock joke, so definatly scraping the barrel...

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

"Al."

"Al who?"

"Alpharius!"

Don't blame me! The Joker also did that one: (Jo who? Jo-ker!)

An imperial colony had the misfortune to be established on a necron tomb world. Sure enough, after like 500 years the owners woke up and weren't too happy with what they found on the surface.

The dynasty lord, Phaeron Thutsendi, had always been a sprorting sort so he offered the human colonists a chance: If any colonist could outdo any member of Thutsendi's court in any contest, Thutsendi woukd spare the colonists lives and leave them to the relatively small area of the world that had been suitable for human habitation.

Many of the colonists finest responded and challenged the members of the dynastic court to various competitions, nebtal and physical. In each case the human challengers were not onky defeated but humiliated. Finally all seemed lost. Thutsendi asked if any colonist would challenge any member of his court further. All was silent for a second, then a loud defiant voice bellowed "How about I challenge you, shiny stuff?!"

Intrigued at being challenged directly, Thutsendi motioned and a very large and very overweight man shoves his way thru the crowd, stomps his way up to Thutsendi's throne. ''Yeah, My name's Mike Brown, an' I got a challnge for ya.''

Looking at the massivle flabby human, Thutsendi says ''Do tell.''

The human leads Thutsendi to a nearby patch of sand, then unzips his pants, pulls out a surprisingly large member and proceeds to write his name in the sand in an amazingly neat cursive script with a precisely controlled stream of urine.

''Top that!'' The human challenges.

What's the hardest part of travelling by thunderhawk for a deathwatch team?

Keeping the spacewolf from sticking his head out the window.

''Top that!'' The human challenges.

It was at that moment the C'tan shard Ginormus Diccus, awoke and made it rain acid for two weeks.

When a Deathwatch ship later arived in orbit they found the planet scarred with continent sized glyps that read: " Ha! Ha! I win !"

Word reached watch fortress erioch that a new DW member was coming. An ultramarine and a blood angel were discussing the matter.

UM: You heard about the new member coming?
BA: Yes.
UM: You know he's a spacewolf?
BA: Yes, I have heard that.
UM: You ready?
BA. Yes.
UM: You sure he won't catch on?
BA: Fear not, bother. I have crafted his "Commendation" for being selected for the deathwatch medallion so artfully he will never discern it is actually a flea collar.

''Top that!'' The human challenges.

It was at that moment the C'tan shard Ginormus Diccus, awoke and made it rain acid for two weeks.

When a Deathwatch ship later arived in orbit they found the planet scarred with continent sized glyps that read: " Ha! Ha! I win !"

Geez, maybe I should have gone with my original idea of having the human let a very loud fart and challenging the necron to fart louder....

''Top that!'' The human challenges.

It was at that moment the C'tan shard Ginormus Diccus, awoke and made it rain acid for two weeks.

When a Deathwatch ship later arived in orbit they found the planet scarred with continent sized glyps that read: " Ha! Ha! I win !"

Geez, maybe I should have gone with my original idea of having the human let a very loud fart and challenging the necron to fart louder....

Que atmosphere being blown away from the planet by hyperdimensional C'tan fart.

And then Nurgle would show up and go: "Stand aside, noobs, let Papa Nurgle show you how it's done."

''Top that!'' The human challenges.

It was at that moment the C'tan shard Ginormus Diccus, awoke and made it rain acid for two weeks.

When a Deathwatch ship later arived in orbit they found the planet scarred with continent sized glyps that read: " Ha! Ha! I win !"

Geez, maybe I should have gone with my original idea of having the human let a very loud fart and challenging the necron to fart louder....

Que atmosphere being blown away from the planet by hyperdimensional C'tan fart.

And then Nurgle would show up and go: "Stand aside, noobs, let Papa Nurgle show you how it's done."

Or just a nurgle CSM lord. Then he gets to invoke a chaos god in the name of a better fart . . .

I'll go sit in a corner now.