A thread for posting one liners and funny bits from your games (death-watch preferred, but anything funny gaming is welcome)

DEATH WATCH 40K RPG:

On Vespasia Gamma, our DW heroes are trying to save an Imperial agri-world from the combined ravages of Chaos and Tyranids.
Due to the dire circumstances, we must cooperate with a Rogue Trader cadre, and also a crew of Eldar envoys.

(a Rogue Trader is blustering on how he is saving the planet…)
(then silently on the deathwatch comm link) "Men, Let the Rogue Trader think he's in charge, it benefits us all"

"Sir, What is the plural of Apocalypse?"

"Since the squad upgraded their chain-swords, I also had to upgrade my helmet with new face plate wipers"

"No, no. Honor and Deeds are the true currency of the Eldar. Arrogant comments are merely how they make change"

Good ones. I particular like the one about Apocalypses.

My favorite in a while, from an IF Librarian (Leonatos) "I make a puppet on my fist to scare the other heretics with his torso." The librarian then shoved his fist up where the sun doesn't shine and runs screaming across a parking lot screaming and working the heretics mouth with his hand from the inside. He had some insanity points….

During a D20 Star Wars game we were put up against a team of 2 jedi and a marksmen. The jedi held a large steel plate between them and us while giving a small opening for thier marksmen to shoot out of. After 3 rounds of the markmen hurting us without use being able to hurt them my coward of a noble then shouts "Sniper no sniping!" We had to take a break due to laughter.

"What's the damage stats for using a dude to beat down this door?""

Oh and the best film quote has been.

Imperial governor: " Five men cannot defeat an entire Ork Waaaaagg!"

kill team leader: "I find your lack of faith disturbing…"

I ended up having a meme after a couple slip of the tongues that came out without even thinking about the ramifications..

First time was Dark Heresy, I haven't had a RP group in years, it was our third session together.
I was being ganged upon by 3 of these puny guys. So when it came up to my turn,

"I'm going to continue whacking these three guys……" *facepalm*

A few months later, we started Deathwatch which we currently switch between after each mission of Dark Heresy.

I made an Assault Marine, based on the Chapter I randomly named for the Collector Edition, so barely made their backstory. Besides the fact no Librians as I always disliked Magic Users / Psykers.

Well just so happened we had a librarian that just made me feel so **** useless. Pushing Smite constantly, that ignore T and A ability for whatever melee weapon. So we entered combat. A couple Warriors and Genestealers. Well all I remember was the genestealer. After the other just dispatched one, and feeling so useless in combat I decided well screw this. Holstered my weapons and went fisticuffs to the genestealer.

Before rolling, "you're really going hand to hand with a genestealer?"

'Ya, I'm going to fist that genestealer….' *facepalm*

Needless to say, I managed RF on that.. After that, I made it traditional mark for my chapter to go hand-to-hand with any new race, and collect their heads.