Hi;I've been playing Dark Heresy for about a year now as Game Master but only wrote one adventure.Hence I'd like to know what you think of it ,what should I do etc…
Also ,if you find it fine you're free to take it to build your own plot. These are the basic events:

1.Acolytes are sent on a mission ,they board a warp-capable vessel.But suddently everyone in the ship goes mad and start killing each other. Due to the emergency the ship goes back to realspace only to crash itself on a planet.

2.The ship crashes in a thick forest .As the Acolytes move around they discover a temple into which they can't enter.A man shows up and guides them to a city.

3.The city is a huge and beautiful work of architecture;without any crime or filth. The Acolytes are thought to be part of a prophecy.

4.Acolytes are sent back to the temple and manage to get in.They cleanse the tainted temple and get to a priest wielding a daemon weapon.

5.When the priest is killed his corpse becomes a gateway and a lesser Daemon of Tzeentch shows up.

6.When they go back to the city they find it overrun by a chaos cult worshipping Tzeentch .Three other chaos cults appearone for each Chaos God ans start fightong each other.But the Acolytes find a group of Clerics .

7.The group is forced to barricade itself but manages to contact help.They must force their way to the church.

8.The vessel arrives and the group board before leaving. But a beam of light from the temple causes the pilot to crash.Acolytes are once more left in the forest.

9.They wake up in an Imperial Guard medical facility.The Guards are here to fight the cults.The Acolytes are sent back to the city with a mission.

10.Acolytes are to be airborne to the center of the town where they'll put a bomb which will destroy everything .The bomb explodes sending waves of fire which destroy everything on their way.

11.Something goes wrong and the waves suddently start rippling backwards ,ending in a huge column of fire at the center of which are the acolytes.But they are unscathed and discover a Daemon of Tzeentch in front of them. He thanks them for having freed him and explains everything.

12.The acolytes find themselves in a ship to scintilla with their Inquisitor.

The story looks artificial and railroaded but that is because it has all been plotted by the Daemon.Also I don't really know how to end it.Tell me what you thik of it.

Thanks,
B. Kaedran.

I really like parts 1-3, parts 4-7 seem fun, however part 8 and beyond does tend to sound a bit like a railroad. I will say that with all missions/adventures, the best ones let the players explore on their own.

I'm going to throw some ideas out there for you.

Why is the city so beautiful?
The glorious city they arrive at has no crime or filth because the very disciplined arbites simply execute any lawbreakers on the spot.
Everyone in the city is disturbingly pleasant and polite, but they have a social awkwardness. At first the city seems wonderful, and almost like a pleasure world. Then it becomes clear that the strange laws of this city make the place more torturous than pleasant. Speaking or acting rudely is seen as punishable by death, not smiling creates suspicion of criminal activity, breaking any law no matter how minor is a death sentence.

The Temple Truth
Any members of the clergy of said city profusely issue blessings of the Emperor in an Evangelical manner. In one on one conversation(as members of the Inquisition) it is revealed that the populace lives in fear of the Pontiff of Conversion, for he has created these crazed edicts to "Convert this world into a better place."

Pontiff of Conversion
Well, it should be clear that he is a cultist of Tzeentch by his name alone, and they will either have to disguise themselves creatively to gain access to the Temple, or go in guns-a-blazing with a death wish. This shouldn't be some push over fight, he rules the population by creating fear. The most powerful members of the city should all be manipulated by the Pontiff, possibly under mind-control powers granted by Tzeentch. The Pontiff himself could be a daemonhost, functioning as a direct tool for Tzeentch to work his plot.

How I would end it
Here, at part 7, the plot should take a change to make it evident that the entire populace has been somehow touched by the taint of Tzeentch, as they are mutated and corrupted by the Lord of Change. Creating much deeper implications as to what must happen. The population of this city needs to be destroyed. Women, children, the elderly, everyone. Truth be told, it is only an illusion, and the majority of the "Mutant" population will not fight since their spirits have already been broken by the Pontiff over time. The acolytes have been tricked into killing the innocent. **** you Tzeentch!
(there should be evidence that this is the case, but it should be vague enough that the players do not catch on until the end)

This is the perfect spot for a non-railroaded part of the adventure, and it is important to keep in mind how long everything takes to happen in the Imperium. This is what happens without the Acolytes actions in mind:
-PDF attempts to quarantine the city. Response time: 9 hours
-Imperial Guard arrives to quell the populace. Response time: 9 days
If the situation escalates, the Imperial Guard may decide they need the help of the Inquisition:
-Other members of the Inquisition, Acolytes and an Inquisitor of Ordos Malleus, arrive to directly influence the outcome(if your players are Radical, make these Puritans, and vice versa) Response time: 11 days.

The Players should figure out their own method of dealing with the problem, though you should establish any implications of the possible solutions they attempt. If they blindside you with an idea, take a break from the game to come up with a counter-idea, or delay them with challenges.

BURN THEM ALL
Assuming you want a greater Daemon of Tzeentch to be summoned/released out of this entire adventure, make it so that it requires the acolytes to sacrifice enough of the population's lives to complete its ritual. Simply killing the population systematically is not satisfactory enough to appease the ritual summoning, it requires a massive amount of death (and more importantly: burn deformity by fire) for the ritual to be complete.

Anyway, hope those ideas are at least some food for thought.

Well thanks for all the ideas ,which I rather like! Also I should have mentioned that the adventure is made so that they accumulate CP and Insanity ,and to think better when they fight especially gear wise. At the end ,Ahmazzi is going to suggest,to some of them only (not the puritan tech-priest) to try this ritual which the Acolytes found and brought to him in a previous adventure. The ritual basically consists in a way to channel CP into another body. But then What could happen to some poor guy if he's dosed with CP…?
As for the railroad ,is it that bad? After all ,it has all been planned.
I really appreciate your help,

B.Kaedran

I'm not sure what you have planned to affect them with corruption and insanity, but Insanity could easily be gained by a lot of fear checks, so much that they are bound to fail. I personally like to make insanity gain from Lovecraftian aspects, where the characters are mentally pained by witnessing something incomprehensible to the human mind.

Ideas for Insanity gain:

An flesh-bound book that radiates warp energy, simply looking at it causes a fear check. A successful Forbidden Lore(The Warp) test reveals that it is made of daemonic flesh, and it may very likely have chaos energy still rippling through it. The book cover has a contorted face that is constantly moving. If they pass their fear check, they may pick it up, but by simply touching it they are offered a dark pact with a ruinous power. (Take the player away from the table, all interaction with the daemon is telepathic, so nobody else at the table will be aware of what happens.) Furthermore, opening the book exposes the viewer to knowledge that no human should ever experience. It grants them a permanent +5 bonus on Forbidden Lore(The Warp), but at the cost of 3d10 insanity points, and a -30 fear test.

Somewhat of a cheap shot, but the room that the Pontiff resides in is stretched in impossible dimensions, and the angles of the room are Escheresque and incomprehensible. The room bends and distorts the 3 dimensional plane, to the point that the acolytes' vision is slowly overcome by impossibility that they begin to see in only 2 dimensions.

As for corruption…
Anytime they are exposed to the taint of Tzeentch, they must make toughness tests. If they attack the Pontiff with melee, they gain corruption. If the Pontiff attacks them, they gain corruption. When the Pontiff dies and summons a lesser daemon of Tzeentch, warp energy radiates out from his corpse, causing corruption gain.

If the players pick up the Daemon weapon that the Pontiff has, they gain corruption.

When they slaughter the innocent people of the city, the ruinous powers of chaos feed on such atrocities, acolytes gain corruption.

Those are all assuming my previous ideas are being used, but either way you can draw on them.
Also, depending on when the acolytes are to perform the corruption ritual, it could be fueling true mutations throughout the city, doubling or tripling the corruption transferred. So the acolyte loses 5 corruption, but the body that it's channeled into gains 15 CP.

The railroad:
No, it's not that bad. There are published adventures that are far worse. My point was simply that the most enjoyable adventures let the players decide their course of action, and the GM reacts to that. Rather than having a set way of how things need to be accomplished, the players will gain the most enjoyment from a free-form adventure that reacts to their actions.

Regardless of how things are plotted or schemed by Tzeentch, the chaotic power of free thought is always enjoyable to daemons. Tzeentch's insane plot succeeds when the Acolytes decide to do what Tzeentch wanted them to do all along. That is true satisfaction.

The only real problem I see with the railroad, is the repetitive crashes and black-outs. I know that my players would get annoyed with that, unless I had some mechanical explanation, like "I rolled percentiles to see if the pilot is able to correct himself after being blinded, but he failed."

Hope that helps.

Once again very good ideas! What I'm ganna do now is rewrite the basic outline and post on the page.
I hope I'll manage to tempt them to embrace Radical measures hehehe…
P.S: I love Escher.

B.Kaedran

As I said ,I'll post the new version of this adventure:

_Prologue

.Acolytes are sent to hunt down a chaos cult
.A ship is ready for them at the Spatioport

_The ship

.When they take off,everything is fine .
.After some days ;the lights are shut down and the vessel is invaded by hordes of Ghiliam.
.After they defeat the boss,the vessel crashes

_The forest

.The PC crash in a forest
.Find a temple surronded by guards who prevent them from entering.
.Are guided to a magnificent city

_The City

.Enter a greatly built city.
.Are well treated but everyone seems too nice and happy.
.Find out that the rulers of the city are a Kabal of priests called The Priests of Conversion ,led by the Pontiff of Change .

_The Prophecy

.Acolytes are thought to be part of a Prophecy.
.Thus ,they're sent to cleanse the temple.

_The Temple

.They enter the Temple ,the doors shut violently behind them.
.Fight until they get to the "boss"
.When they kill the boss,a Daemon of Nurgle springs out attacking them.

_Other Worlds

.As they send back the Daemon ,the room starts to crumble and a gate way opens in front of the Acolytes.
.Across the gate is the Pontiff .He shows them,when they have entered ,the city overrun by some mindless zombies ,telling the Acolytes that it's an obvious warp effect.He tells the Acolytes to place a bomb in the center of the town.

_The Deceit

.As soon as they enter the church in the center of town they realise their mistake :the illusion wears off and all they see are mindless inhabitants instead of bloodthirsty mutants.
.The bomb is triggered and explodes sending waves of energy which causes the people to fly in the air and scream in agonizing pain as they are charred by pink flames .
.The nine priests of conversion show up and reveal themselves :Sorcerers of Tzeentch .They open a gate way which spews forth A Herald of Tzeentch and his retinue of Daemons.

_The Daemons

.It was for these foul beasts that all of this was planned.
.The Herald offers them to fulfill a wish of theirs before dismissing them by a wave of the hand.

_The Inquisitor

.They end up crashing down at his supper table .Ahmazzi is suprised and asks the PCs to explain .
.Being Ahmazzi's personnal ship he heals them and provides some gear (ammo ,medikit …) before suggesting the Ritual of Cleansin which would rid them of their taint . It would be performed once they reach Scintilla.

_Scintilla .

.A shuttle is sent to the spatioport.
.Ahmazzi guides them to a warhouse ,which he gives to the PC as a reward for their trouble.

Looks good. Now you just gotta add some details, both behind-the-curtains for yourself and "boxed" descriptions for detailed scenes(if your players are appreciative of such).

Question though: Why is there a Daemon of Nurgle?

On a side note, I think the next adventure you make should be smaller. I did write a guideline a few weeks ago on how to create a new adventure, you might want to take a look at that here.

You might even make use of that guide for each part you have planned. For example: "The Ship" could be treated as an adventure of its own. And "The Forest" the adventure after that. Continuing on, condensing them down into fully detailed and fleshed out chapters.

Well ,the City is controlled by a sorcerer of Tzeentch ,so it would seem more logical that he sends people to wipe out a temple if the heretics are worshipping Tzeentch's enemy I.E Nurgle.
After rediscussing with my players I came to the conclusion that this adventure wasn't going to really excite them. But I haven't forgotten the goal of this adventure : Corruption and Radicalism. The players seem to be interested in investigation too ,so I'll have to write an adventure about that.Have any ideas for the plot ? I was thinking of making a really free adventure this time.
Thanks anyway for your help!
B.Kaedran

I don't want to make the adventure for you. Not that I don't enjoy making adventures, but I encourage you to make your own.

For an idea of the story behind it, think about a movie or book that you really liked. Twist that story into what you would have fun writing.

As far as investigation goes, I understand it can be tricky, but I find the easiest way is to write what happened, then give reasonable ways for them to find clues about it.

Story Time!
One of my players, an assassin, was sent to track down a Puritan Interrogator that had powerful information about the player's Radical Inquisitor - it was meant to be an assassination mission to silence the Interrogator. His first clue was found in the interrogator's quarters, that 3 days ago, the Interrogator was given information about missing weapon shipments in a specific manufactorum(in the same city they were in).
Following that lead turned up evidence (from another player) that a certain tech-priest in the manufactorum disappeared 3 days ago as well.
It then lead to a series of encounters in seedy bars and other questionable locations to find out that the Interrogator was captured by the Rag Man(a crime lord that was actually responsible for the missing weapons shipments), tortured, killed, and then dumped in the sewers. When investigating the sewers, plenty of bodies were found, but not the Interrogator's. So he then tracked down the tech-priest's quarters, found blood everywhere, surgical equipment, xeno-tech implants, and maps of the different hideouts that the Rag Man uses(apparently rifled through). The tech-priest's body lie on the floor with a bullet wound through the skull, still pouring out blood.

It was then up to the player to put together all of the arbitrary information, and figure out what had happened and what was about to happen.
The Interrogator was dumped in the sewers, but wasn't completely dead. The tech-priest that had been working as an informant for the Interrogator, was following him, and essentially saved him from death by using heretical implants. When the Puritan Interrogator woke up from surgery, which must have been a short time ago based on the evidence, he found that he had been implanted with xeno technology, and shot the Tech-Priest in the skull. Knowing that the Rag Man was responsible for the missing weapons shipments, the Interrogator must then be going directly to the Rag Man.

The conclusion: The player gets there just in time to kill the Interrogator before he kills the Rag Man. The assassin lets the Rag Man survive and gains him as a permanent contact in that city.

/endstory

My advice for investigation missions. Create the story, plant the clues, let the players do what they want, and just try to remember… in any free-roaming adventure: Let the players act, and let the world re-act.