Ok started a new Dark Heresy campaign last night... being something os a sadistic GM I decided to start them on 'Cut off the Head' Scenario, its quite a short, and fairly easy scenario to work through....

I didn't make it off of the first page before they throughly fluffed it.

I had made a few small modifications tothe scenario to make it a bit more comical, firstly, I has the govnr know Inq Storm personally... as in good friends.... I informed the party of this, but the other bit I changed is that the govnr didn't know which inq was arriving... so logic says when impersoniating the inq for this one... they don't try to pass themselves off as Storm....

Well they finally decided to impersonate the inq... after many plans of storming the garrison and 'going down fighting' and various other sneeky plans destined to get everyone in the party killed...

They step off of the ship and the adept impersonating the inq says "Hello, my name is Inquisitor Storm".......

I couldn't stop my head hanging in shame.... that was the one and only line that would get them arrested in my modified script.... I dropped lots of hints that that would not be a good thing to say.... I think its time to introduce my head to a brick wall.....

But it gets better yet.... they managed to dig themselves in even deeper... the govnr said to the adept that he knows storm personally, and that hes not him... the adept replies "Well you can never be too careful, this fella over here is actually inquisitor storm" he was pointing out a female character....

Well at least I had fun locking them up.... although it took them the entire session to escape... and only after I gave up and 'mysteriously unlocked the cell doors'.

Anyone else had such an epic fail for a first session?

Wow.... just.... wow...

If I were you, I would have had them shot. The lot of them. Start from scratch.

Start over from scratch?! Now that would be a waste! What we have here is the excelent makings of a great dark comidy.

If this group continues you have to share their epic failures with us! That's just pure gold! XD

Gold. Dark gold.

The only thing better would have been if instead they'd walked up and said "Hi, I'm the Governor..." ; )

No, it could be better than that: "I'm Aragorn, son of Anduril, King of the New Menoreans! As your King, I command you- give me all your treasure!"

That's amazing.

Yeah, the next attempt at destroying your scenarios should be the report to the Inquisitor.

Acolyte: "Hello, I am the planetary governor."

Inquisitor: "What? No you're not. I know the governor personally!"

Acolyte: "Ha, ha, yes well you never can be too careful. You see, I'm Inquisitor Storm, undercover as the planeta-"

Inquisitor: "What!? You imbecile! I'm Inquisitor Storm!"

Acolyte: "That's what we wanted you to think!"

GM: gibbergibbergibbergibber

Sometimes the best thing you can do is be unpredictable or be predictable & have the GM not see it coming. It's more fun that way. Besides, its good to occasionally remind the GM that you are not afraid of anything he can throw at you.

For example, my group is currently going through the Bloodstone modules (yes, its AD&D, don't ask). It starts with the characters facing a small army (only a hundred or so soldiers), so we decide to leave our army out of it. Worked great, 8 people wiped out an army of 100.

Next you face a larger army, bout 2 to 1 odds. We decide to use the army and most of our soldiers die. Very sad and pointless. (Free advice, Battlesystem sucks). We retreat to a nearby dwarven town to recover and allow our army to heal.

All according to what the GM expected so far. While we were out scouting and preparing for the next stage, the army attacks and we have those who stayed behind, retreat to the nearest city (about 100 miles away). GM thought we were going to fight it out, even though he had demons in the attacking army.

Then we decide to see what the enemies army looks like and do so by fighting them in several hit and run raids. Finally tally, heroes several thousand scrubs and several leaders / important peoples. The enemy - 3. 1 died from a spider bite & the same guy was turned to stone and smashed. The dwarf was killed by a lucky shot with a boulder. And the last was torn apart by a marilith (I was apparently really making tht DM mad, what with my mad fighting skills and all).

When all was said and done, he just kept asking why he didn't see this coming.

Well you wanted to know if anything catastrophic had happened in the start of our campaigns. This isn't quite the start of the campaign, but the second session. One of my players is a feral worlder guardsman named Goddimus Pryn, and "surprisigly" he has a bit of a god complex. So he and the rest of the acolytes find themselves in a banquet hall with nine other inquisitors-worth of acolytes. One of which is a Space Wolf Scout. (It's always been my oppinion that NPCs should be over powered as it allows me to save peoples ***** from time to time.) So my little feral worlder who thinks hi can kill anything and everything decides it would be a good idea to challenge the marine to an arm wrestling contest. Why, is beyond me. Needless to say the many other acolytes start taking bets (all say two are on the marine). The match starts and the marine and Goddimus slowly but surely pushes the marine's arm to the table to much anger, then the wolf congratualtes him with a laugh and effortlessly pushes the arm back over the other way, breaking the table and his hand.

Not too catastrophic, but this start a rather amusing friendship between the wolf and my player, as whenever they're together the marine is tempted to ask for contests of strength, and is constantly slapping him on the back or shoulder. Lots of toughness rolls are had. Oh, the most recent though is rather amusing. The group at large (players and npcs alike) had brought down a Lictor and the marine recoves the body so his master can study it. Wishing to say goodbye to his friend, he swings around smacking the player with one of the lictors talons that had been draging on the ground.

It doesn't really fit "epic fail for a first session", but it makes up for sheer dumbassness. Including having the head hanging in shame.

In a Fantasy campaign the players were hunting a classic vampire. Or rather, after having their asses kicked, were being hunted. They fled into a small log cabin in the woods, where the vampire couldn't follow them as he couldn't cross a doorstep without being invited.

So the vampire circles the log, smashes the windows, scratches around the walls, making bestialic sounds and from time to time teasing the "heros": "I will slaughter you, cattle." "I will crush your heads in my hands and slurp your brains", "You will have to watch your friends die one at time" etc.

Finally, one player has enough of this teasing: And cries out of the window: "Yeah? So why don't you come in and try?"

lol, pretty sure that happened in Buffy once.

Heh, i'll be sure to let you all know how the second session goes...

All things considering, I may just have them start over... or I may not... depends on how evil im feeling on the day.

Agmar_Strick said:

I definitely hope the player didn't act "coz I saw it on TV". Though he was not very common sensish. After a vicious mutant slaying he wanted to show off his coolness by stating "My slayer licks the blade of his axe". I had prepared a nice mutation for him but before it developed he was disembollewed by Stefan Braten in the "Zahnarzt" Adventure.