English isn't my native language and I haven't actually played the game yet but I do have an intense love/hate-relationship with the Space Marines and will therefore write a little tale about them.

Hopefully you will enjoy it.

+++ Entry begins. +++
+++ Log date: 236.M41. +++
+++ Author: Adept Berham Wert. +++
+++ Intercepted at junction KPR-122, imperial space. +++
+++ All affected personnel interrogated and any and all relevant forbidden knowledge purged. +++

Username: rJTtks1205
Password: ***************

Welcome, Inquisitor.

Blessed be the Throne.

Be ever vigilant!

+++ Downloading files to hard-drive. +++

+++ Finished. +++

+++ Filename: xS235nameless can now be accessed. +++

Audio recording and transcription... starting.
Date: 322.235.M41.
Subject: Adept Berham Wert, lexograph grade three, hub eight point nine, survivor of the destruction of Hive Gurnam.

Interrogator (I) (henceforth known as I(1)): Tell us, with your own words, what happened?
Adept Berham Wert (henceforth known as BW): I don't know what to say. They came without warning. Through the walls. Screeching like banshees, Me and my fellow adepts all sat at our benches, as we're told, until the klaxon sounds. It never did. I saw my brothers get slaughtered, able to do nothing.
Subject shakes uncontrollably, unable to continue. Audio-recording continues three minutes and twenty-seven seconds later.
I(1): Please, drink your hot cocoa. It is admirably delicious.
BW: Thank you.
Silence for thirteen seconds. The microphone picks up slurping noises.
I(1): Do continue, please.
BW: They came through the walls. I work at the eighth floor. I don't know how they did it, but they did. Enormous. Eventually people could not sit still any longer. Panic erupted us all into motion. I couldn't control my bladder. I...
The subject trails off, fidgeting with his clothing. Silence for eighteen seconds .
BW: There were not many. Only three or four but they were huge. Enormous. They slew Belherem like he was a child. Threw him out the window as a side-note, like a dead insect. His eyes locked onto mine as his soul left him to join the Emperor.
The subject breaks down and cries. Audio-recording ends.

+++ File ends. Delete file? +++

y

+++ File deleted and omitted. +++

Logging out...

Goodbye, Inquisitor.

Emperor's light doth shine upon you.

Nice. I particularly like they way you formatted it. Very 'in-universe' style.

Is 'admirably delicious' the Inquisitor's way of saying the cocoa was drugged?

Maybe. Drugs are usable. Heheh.

+++ M41.236 +++

+++ Mining Outpost SK212. +++

A swirling rock in outer space. Derelict. Black. Dead. I look upon it with disdain. Vermin. Outcasts. Un-important.
I press the green, flashing button on the holo-projector. Flickering, it powers up and shows an older man. I raise the volume, little pin-pricks of sound slipping out of the speakers.

A rasping, guttering sound is heard, as if flames were wrapping itself around a chalk going down a black-board. A voice, gasping for breath, splutters out an authentication code.
"Mining executive Aemos Fetch." it tells me, in a little square box in the lower left corner of the screen, flashing. Thirteen months ago. The litographer gives me sub-texts, blotchy but functional.
"They're here! Everywhere! Enormous!"
I've heard that before.
"They've killed everyone! Please; help us!"
Pleading, mewling rat. Fight, imbecile. Raise your arms to the Emperor and you shall prevail.
I pick up my heavy, thick leather coat from the stool and leave the room, heading for the hangars.
"Be ready in three minutes. I'm not waiting." I say into my micro-bead then I switch it off. No excuses.

My gun-cutter circles round, examining the holes in the outer hull of the outpost. Blackened craft lay strewn about the rock both in orbit and crashed against the satellite. Skidmarks. Like on soiled, unwashed undercloth. Aewna, my pilot, tells me that the air inside is still breathable, that they didn't force through the inner hull. Good. Saves me a lot of trouble. I walk back into the crew chambers, locking eyes with my interrogator.
"Whelp. Gather up your gear and gather the men; we're going in."
"Yes, master. As you command."
Weakling. Festering on my mind, eating into my conscious thoughts. I don't want to spare another second on this miserable mission; I have better and more important things to do.
"Be quick about it. I want to leave this forsaken place."

-

Asmodael Gerrumus Maximus is my full name. I am an interrogator for the Lord Inquisitor Haemus Lowth. This is my tale.

"Gertyh, left. Full stride." I sign, methodically.
"Ungth, right. Full stride."
A three-way crossing is in front of me. Medical operations and living quarters are left, ops and comms are right. They sprint away down the tunnels, silent as death. Good men. Condemned men. The mining complex is straight ahead. That's where I'm going. If I would have known what would be in there I would never have gone there. We would have just blasted that forsaken rock to oblivion from orbit - although that was never my call to begin with.

I creep down walkways with open piping, webbed flooring and cables swinging loosely from the badly repaired ceiling. Scorchmarks and bulletholes are all I can see; no splotches of gore, no blood to be seen. Not even bodies. Signs of blockades and heavy fighting. More loose cabling, damaged floor and burst piping. A pip is heard from my motion detector. Twentyseven point six metres to my right. That's through a solid wall; it shouldn't pick that up.

I walk closer to the wall, listening intently.

-

That's some fragments and bits I have written so far. The first bit is Haemus the second is Asmodael if you didn't catch that; not wanting to offend you but I'm very tired and English isn't my native language which I think I've already stated. Meh.

Well, good night, since I am very tired!

Feedback and reflections are of course very welcome.

Thank you!

sinceenglish is not your 1st language, you should always keep the 1st person approach. "We hear is thought" and would flesh out the fact that they come from a russian/or whatever world where the "accent" comes from. You could also add cultural details. etc.

cheers

If you could specify where 'We hear is thought' is, I'm happy to change that.

And yes, thank you - very good suggestions.