I have a player that swears you put recharge tokens on an active defence the moment you add black dice to the attack, not after the attack has been resolved as hit or miss, is this true? I thought all cards only got recharge tokens if they are successful meaning that a person that tries to block parry or dodge doesn't put recharge tokens on the card unless the attack misses.

Yeah, we do this. The card explicitly mentions adding the recharge tokens at the same time as affecting the pool. ie playing the Dodge card (eg) is always successful, even if the actual dodge isn't.

Yes, if you add dice to the pool you've used the card. Regardless if the attack still hits you still tried the maneuver.