SHOJU: Well, Imperials, I made it... despite your directions.
IMPERIALS: Ah, Scorpion Clan Champion Shoju! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable coronation!
SHOJU: Uhh...
IMPERIALS: [gasp] Oh egads, the edict is gone! But what if... I were to crown Sotorii and disguise it as someone else? [to themselves] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Imperials!
SHOJU: Uh-
[cue song]
The Imperials with their crazy explanations,
The Scorpion Clan Champion's gonna need his medication,
When he hears the Imperials's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
[end of song]
SHOJU:
Imperials!
IMPERIALS: Scorpion Clan Champion, we were just, uh... just stretching our calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join us?
SHOJU: Why are there omens coming out of your palace, Imperials?
IMPERIALS: Uhh... no! Those aren't omens. It's preparation. Praparation for the Hantei
Daisetsu
we're crowning! Mmm... Hantei
Daisetsu
! [beat] Ooh...
[a few moments later]
IMPERIALS: Scorpion Clan Champion, I hope you're ready for Throne-worthy Dave!
SHOJU: I thought we were crowning Hantei Daisetsu.
IMPERIALS: D'oh, no. I said Hantei
Davetsu
! That's what I call Dave!
SHOJU: You call Dave "Davetsu?"
IMPERIALS: Yes. It's a regional dialect!
SHOJU: Uh-huh... uh, what region?
IMPERIALS: Uhh... upstate City of Lies?
SHOJU: Really? Well, I'm from Kyûden Bayushi, and I've never heard anyone use the nickname "Davetsu."
IMPERIALS: Oh, not in Kyûden Bayushi, no. It's a gaijin expression.
SHOJU: I see. [beat] You know, this Dave is quite similar to the previous heir Hantei Sotorii.
IMPERIALS: Oh ho ho ho... no, edicted Imperial heir. Old family tradition.
SHOJU: Hantei Dave?
IMPERIALS: Yes.
SHOJU: Yeah, so you call him "Hantei Dave" despite the fact he's obviously Sotorii.
IMPERIALS: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing we should- excuse us for one second.
SHOJU: Of course.
IMPERIALS: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, we're pooped.
SHOJU: Yes, I should be-
Good Lord, what is happening in there!?
IMPERIALS: Crane Spring Festival?
SHOJU: Uh-
Crane Spring Festival
!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the Empire, localized entirely within your Throne Room!?
IMPERIALS: Yes!
SHOJU: May I see it?
IMPERIALS: No.
INHABITANTS OF ROKUGAN:
Imperials
, the Empire's on fire!
IMPERIALS: No, peasants—it's just the Crane partying!
SHOJU: Well, Imperials, you are a bunch of odd fellows, but I must say... you crown a good heir.
INHABITANTS OF ROKUGAN:
Help!
Help!