The Archon name random generator lurches from producing awesome names to producing sublimely ridiculous ones, to just nonsensical. I think I've found my new lazy-Sunday-I'm-so-bored go-to spirit-raising activity.

I thought I'd look for "unfortunate pairing of words", and I thought I'd start with "love"! Didn't find anything truly unfortunate, they've scrubbed the database pretty good, I guess, but these amused me.

• The Survivor who Strangely Loves Oysters

• Equilove Krylov-Gueron, Instructor
  Yes, teach us how to love equally, Krylov!
• The Fossil that Barks at Love
  Fossils in this world are strangely active.
• Voxosulk, the Warmonger of Love
  Someone doesn't understand the concept.
• Mightlover, the Razor-Sharp Canal Larva

• The Perfumer that Drives around Love

• The Loneliness that Betrayed Love You earned your loneliness! How could you!

• The Fossil that Subtly Once Loved Horror

• Oubliette, the Lyricist of The Lovers Not really the sort of thing I associate with oubliettes

• She that Loves Bricklaying Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.

Fun with third-person gendered nouns!

• The Girl who Serenely Weaves The Elf
  No! No! Turning elves into art projects is just wrong!
• The Girl that Appropriately Serves Optics
  I suppose you wouldn't want her doing it inappropriately.
• The Girl who Votes for Quantum Theory
  We! Do Not! Vote! In Science!
• The Girl who Assiduously Pollutes with Art
  Polluting is wrong, even if you use art to do it.
• The Girl who Evidently Submits to Powder
  Someone apparently has a cocaine problem.
• The Girl who Terribly Flees from Clowns
  An entire slasher movie scene in one Archon name.
• Flexiposh, The Girl who Flings the Bog
  I honestly can't tell you why I find this name hilarious.
• The Girl who Dances with The Metagame
  Oh, come on! This is what I got into Keyforge to get away from!

• The Boy who Always Ignores Life Itself
  I didn't realize I was an archon.
• Bullsson, The Boy who Kills the Caern
  Pentex has infiltrated the archons!
• Tetraster, The Boy that Bores the Museum
  Isn't it usually the other way around?
• Radcliffe, the Dreamer of Boys
  No comment.
• The Boy who Controls Dinosaurs Best Archon name ever! I want this deck!

• Antiboy, the Gas Master of the Moon Sexist!

• The Boy who Basically Headbutts Heaven This is why we can't have nice things. This guy keeps ticking off God by headbutting heaven!
  Someone stop him!

On an unrelated note, there are 57 results for “misteress”. Is this some weird combination of syllables that comes up a lot, or did the people making the database not know how to spell “mistress”?

"Hate" turned out to have fewer interesting names than I hoped for. All I've got is:

• Edmonds the Hatefully Domesticated Someone's not happy with their marriage.

Well, I've always been found of cephalopods, so I thought I'd give "Octo" a run:

• Suprashank, Volcano Doctor
  No, doc, don't clear it's throat! RUN AWAY! HE CURED ANOTHER BLOCKAGE!
• Arbitrarily Blood-Stained Octovia Is this better or worse than being blood-stained in a very specific pattern?

• Princess Naomi Octoeye She bankrupted the kingdom when she needed glasses.

• Der super „***“ Wilhelm
  I'm sure this name is just fine in whatever language it's from.
• The Impersonator that Supervises Dice Well, the tournament policy against dice makes sense now.

It’s honestly a game unto itself. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. The app is a source of endless amusement for this reason.

I was doing the exact same thing last night for a couple of hours!

Here's a few more:

• Robert the Dirty - Dirty in what way? ?
• Hemipeeve, the "Predator" of Love - Don't let this guy follow you at night
• The Hero of Junkcon - I guess that would be the Hulk in Thor Ragnarok? Unless by junk they mean... ?
• Fiona, Queensbutte Count - Shave a letter here and there and you've got something
• Mendoza, the Earl of Kidnapping - yeah, kidnapping is a thing on the Crucible!
• The Woman who Demands Scolding - "I've been a bad, bad girl ?"
• Attractive "Trashcan" Breanna - How attractive can you be with a nickname like that?
• Princess "Wet Blanket" Kendall - ?

And the best of my findings so far:

• Unstoppable Zizi of the Mountain - just look up the meaning of "zizi" in French ?

48 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

The Girl that Appropriately Serves Optics

I.e. the hot chick.

49 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

The Girl who Assiduously Pollutes with Art

The modern art movement has its champion!

49 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

Tetraster, The Boy that Bores the Museum

Think of how boring a boy has to be to bore the museum itself...

50 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

Radcliffe, the Dreamer of Boys

Gonna guess he's a subject of The Emperor that Pays for Boys.

51 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

The Boy who Controls Dinosaurs

We ALL want to be that boy.

51 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

Antiboy, the Gas Master of the Moon

Taco Bell now serving the moon.

52 minutes ago, Suttkus said:

The Boy who Basically Headbutts Heaven

And you thought the Antichrist was a myth!

29 minutes ago, darkflop said:

Attractive "Trashcan" Breanna

Even Oscar the Grouch can find love...

Sincerely Ferocious Wyatt

As opposed to halfheartedly ferocious.

The Ingenious Bookbinder

You literally can't break his book's spines. Ever. But if you did, they explode.

Dapgerd, the Alchemist of the Forum

Drunken moderator. That pretty much describes every mod doesn't it?

Rustibreath, the Random Base Traveller

Also known as a hobo.

Exiflower, the Infiltrator Tentacle

Makes an appearance in literally every Anime ever.

Castflower, Asteroid Guru

Has a day-job at NASA.

She who Sassily Punches at Bubbles

We've all popped bubbles, but nobody does it like her.

The Most Overpowering Troll of Gatecester

There's a town in England where we don't go.

Kaspar the Intermittently Slick

Don't leave him alone with your cooking oil.

V. T. Libramama of the Slick Mansion

Your horoscope says DON'T GO THERE!

Clementine, Slick School Zoomaster

Her school has a zoo? I'm jealous.

Firebrand Swish Voxoflick

I want this to be MY name.

These four, I feel, are all about the same guy:

The Bouncer who Edits Thoughts

He hits really hard.

The Bouncer who Heavily Amasses Danger

It's literally his job description.

The Bouncer who Outwits Metal

He dodges bullets and knives.

The Bouncer who Mostly Follows Days

And he mostly works at night. Mostly.

I think my favourite personal deck so far is:

• Justworth, the Jailer of Nerds

Also not terrible:

• S. Rius, Scribe of the Dimwitted Village