Canon now has a novel to compete with the worst of Legends! [Last Shot SPOILERS]

By HappyDaze, in Star Wars: Edge of the Empire RPG

I read Last Shot and it's really just toilet paper in a cover (and a reversible dust cover too). This thing easily competes with the worst of the Legends line. Why? Well, here's a few things...

Lando Smash! Seriously, this guy is written as a simmering pot of anger that's always wanting to punch somebody in the mouth. Where's the smooth operator now?

So Old? It's set 15 years after the events of Solo, and both Han and Lando are constantly complaining about how old they are and how life is so much harder now because of their age. Han is only supposed to be 19-22 in Solo , so the "old man" is only 34-37 in this book. Yeah, a real geezer...

Super Slicer. Yeah, you can remotely slice a starship and have it blow the pilot out of the cockpit into space. I've hated this kind of thing since it was suggested in the RPG.

We're Playing by Flash Gordon Rules. The bad guy can fly around space in a spacesuit and jetpack (yes, jet pack) blowing up several TIE fighters and a Lambda shuttle with his hand-held weapons.

Droid Orgy. OK, it's really Lando making several jokes about a droid orgy, but that goes back to the very juvenile humor in the book.

I Wish They All Could Be Twi'lek Girls. Here Lando falls in love. With a Twi'lek, of course.

Droid Zombies. Yeah, droids with glowing red eyes from a zombie (computer) virus. Oh, and some of them have fleshy limbs grafted on too.

Agree. It is very poor. I was listening to the audio book and shut it down after 4 chapters. I have no ideas why, but the audio book kept swapping narrators in different chapters too!

I feel no need to revisit this book.

4 hours ago, Andreievitch said:

I have no ideas why, but the audio book kept swapping narrators in different chapters too!

One narrated the “present,” one the Han flashbacks, and one the Lando flashbacks.

9 hours ago, HappyDaze said:

So Old? It's set 15 years after the events of Solo, and both Han and Lando are constantly complaining about how old they are and how life is so much harder now because of their age. Han is only supposed to be 19-22 in Solo , so the "old man" is only 34-37 in this book. Yeah, a real geezer...

Feeling like that isn't uncommon among people who've experienced hardship most of their lives. When you're a homeless gangster in a galaxy at war, being 30+ means a lot of people have died on you, and you've had to endure a lot.

Thanks for the warning. This book goes on the don't-buy list along with Chuck Wendigo's scribblings.

12 hours ago, HappyDaze said:

So Old? It's set 15 years after the events of Solo, and both Han and Lando are constantly complaining about how old they are and how life is so much harder now because of their age. Han is only supposed to be 19-22 in Solo , so the "old man" is only 34-37 in this book. Yeah, a real geezer...

Errr... wait... isn't Han supposed to be 29ish in ANH?

Sounds like the Story Group ain't doing their job. I really expected them to write a "bible" to give to these novelists to avoid repeating some of the Legends lunacy like this...

I get obvious stuff like Twi'lek ladies. I mean these days it's as trite as the superweapon of the week, but I get it.

The SuperSlicer and Flash Gordon Rules... yeah that's the sort of thing that should have been bullets in a bible. Not necessarily "Thou shalt not" but certainly "If you can find a better solution, do it, because convincing us to approve it is going to be harder than bullseyeing womprats in a T-16."

12 hours ago, HappyDaze said:

Droid Orgy. OK, it's really Lando making several jokes about a droid orgy, but that goes back to the very juvenile humor in the book.

....I'd need to know context and overall tone of the novel, but this seems kinda... too much for Star Wars...

Cheers for the heads up... tbh I've bailed on SW novels.. tales from MEC and JP are as far as I've gone and the Dark Nest trilogy. I'm done with SW in general. I'll just stick to what I LIKE , watch eps 1-6 and R1, read through the FFG rp stuff...... I even try to stay away from moaning about what DisLeen has done anyway.

I think we've all stated/moaned/clickbaited/ranted our likes/dislikes etc about the new films... at least with the rpg we can all agree on one thing.... may be two :D

Porgy jokes followed E3 talking about having intercourse with another droid. It was hilarious. No, not really funny at all.

I’ve “read” (listened to the audiobook here) better, and I’ve read worse (Crystal Star, Planet of Twilight or any Traviss book, anyone?).

There were a few fun moments - my wife has vowed to create her own Ewok slicer for some future campaign just because she likes the silliness of the concept, and Han’s first interaction with the Gungan security guard made me laugh, for example - but I’d agree that, as a whole, it didn’t hang together very well.

Overall, not memorable, but not awful.

Meanwhile, I contend that it was memorably awful.

The Ewok slicer was just plain stupid. That was a problem with this book. Every character was a bad joke.

1 hour ago, HappyDaze said:

Meanwhile, I contend that it was memorably awful.

The Ewok slicer was just plain stupid. That was a problem with this book. Every character was a bad joke.

Ug, Ewok Slicer?

It's probably just the RPGist in me, but I despise goofball characters like that. Doubly so for Pre-RotJ Ewoks, triply for ones that are also tech-savvy. If you want a weird dwarf that's a tech, that's why George made Jawas.

4 minutes ago, Ghostofman said:

Ug, Ewok Slicer?

It's probably just the RPGist in me, but I despise goofball characters like that. Doubly so for Pre-RotJ Ewoks, triply for ones that are also tech-savvy. If you want a weird dwarf that's a tech, that's why George made Jawas.

Or an Ugnougt. There's one of those in there too, but it's horribly underdeveloped beyond tossing some thermal detonators.

1 hour ago, HappyDaze said:

Meanwhile, I contend that it was memorably awful.

The Ewok slicer was just plain stupid. That was a problem with this book. Every character was a bad joke.

Why, it’s almost like two different people had two different reactions to it.

Who’d have thought? ?

4 hours ago, Ghostofman said:

Errr... wait... isn't Han supposed to be 29ish in ANH?

Sounds like the Story Group ain't doing their job. I really expected them to write a "bible" to give to these novelists to avoid repeating some of the Legends lunacy like this...

I get obvious stuff like Twi'lek ladies. I mean these days it's as trite as the superweapon of the week, but I get it.

The SuperSlicer and Flash Gordon Rules... yeah that's the sort of thing that should have been bullets in a bible. Not necessarily "Thou shalt not" but certainly "If you can find a better solution, do it, because convincing us to approve it is going to be harder than bullseyeing womprats in a T-16."

....I'd need to know context and overall tone of the novel, but this seems kinda... too much for Star Wars...

Nope. He's supposed to be in his thirties. He was born 32 BBY .

8 minutes ago, Tramp Graphics said:

Nope. He's supposed to be in his thirties. He was born 32 BBY .

Ok, so I'm off a couple years but the problem still stands....

17 hours ago, HappyDaze said:

Old? It's set 15 years after the events of Solo, and both Han and Lando are constantly complaining about how old they are and how life is so much harder now because of their age. Han is only supposed to be 19-22 in Solo , so the "old man" is only 34-37 in this book. Yeah, a real geezer...

Ok... so lets round off, Han is supposed to be 32 (give or take a few months) in ANH.

In Solo he's supposed to be 19-22.

This book takes place 15 years after Solo, making Han 34-37.

ESB occurs 3 years after ANH. When Han is 35ish.

So... Just to be clear... this book takes place right before or immediately after ESB?

I'm thinking I'm wrong, because how the heck does that work?

If it's all explained in the book, please sum it up for me.

6 minutes ago, Ghostofman said:

So... Just to be clear... this book takes place right before or immediately after ESB?

No, the “present” is 2-3 years after RotJ. (Ben is 2, and was born in the aftermath of the Battle of Jakku.)

The Han flashbacks are “10 years ago,” and the Lando flashbacks are “15 years ago.”

Edited by Nytwyng

It did come across like a twinky RP session, but I did finish the audio book. Sure it was silly. Perhaps I have the good fortune of being modestly widely-read, but this was hardly the worst tripe I've ever encountered and such vitriol demonstrates the toxic nature of fandom. It is what it is - we are not dealing with literary giants by any stretch of the imagination.

9 minutes ago, themensch said:

It did come across like a twinky RP session, but I did finish the audio book. Sure it was silly. Perhaps I have the good fortune of being modestly widely-read, but this was hardly the worst tripe I've ever encountered and such vitriol demonstrates the toxic nature of fandom. It is what it is - we are not dealing with literary giants by any stretch of the imagination.

Vitriol? I can now laugh at those that think the new stuff is better than Legends. Because this is KJA plot bad with Traviss character bad added in!

24 minutes ago, Nytwyng said:

No, the “present” is 2-3 years after RotJ. (Ben is 2, and was born in the aftermath of the Battle of Jakku.)

The Han flashbacks are “10 years ago,” and the Lando flashbacks are “15 years ago.”

Ok... so lets see... RotJ is 1ish years after ESB, so Han is 36, +3ish years is 39. Flashbacks are 29, so that's 3 years before ANH. I'm assuming nothing paradoxal occurs while there?

Also I sure hope the super-slicer Ewok is not part of a flashback. Though it's still pretty stupid "Oh yeah, 3 years ago Subnub there didn't even know what a flush toilet was and thought a protocol droid was a deity, now he's the best computer expert in the galaxy. Though he still insists on hitting the flush lever with a 3 meter pole so he doesn't get sucked in... "

Edited by Ghostofman
15 minutes ago, HappyDaze said:

Vitriol? I can now laugh at those that think the new stuff is better than Legends. Because this is KJA plot bad with Traviss character bad added in!

Not everything is directed at you, buddy. :)

I think my point was, "both new and legends can be crap." Again, we are not dealing with the pinnacle of writing craft here. Star Wars has always been a bit cheeky and for me it's all about just how much cheese they put in between the bread on this grilled cheese sandwich. Nobody says anyone has to like it. Did I enjoy it? Sure, and it helped me pass the time casually while I did other things.

4 minutes ago, Ghostofman said:

Ok... so lets see... RotJ is 1ish years after ESB, so Han is 36, +3ish years is 39. Flashbacks are 29, so that's 3 years before ANH. I'm assuming nothing paradoxal occurs while there?

Nope, no paradoxes. It even cross-pollinates with the comics by including Sana Starros in the Han flashbacks.

6 minutes ago, Ghostofman said:

Also I sure hope the super-slicer Ewok is not part of a flashback. Though it's still pretty stupid "Oh yeah, 3 years ago Subnub there didn't even know what a flush toilet was and thought a protocol droid was a deity, now he's the best computer expert in the galaxy. Though he still insists on hitting the flush lever with a 3 meter pole so he doesn't get sucked in... "

No, she’s in the “present.”

20 minutes ago, themensch said:

Not everything is directed at you, buddy. :)

And, my apologies of course if you felt attacked for expressing your opinion, @HappyDaze . Honestly I think you backed up your opinion quite well.

Edited by themensch
I replied to myself, that's something only a crazy person would do.
5 minutes ago, themensch said:

I think my point was, "both new and legends can be crap." Again, we are not dealing with the pinnacle of writing craft here. Star Wars has always been a bit cheeky and for me it's all about just how much cheese they put in between the bread on this grilled cheese sandwich. Nobody says anyone has to like it. Did I enjoy it? Sure, and it helped me pass the time casually while I did other things.

Hear, hear. It made my drives to and from work more tolerable.

5 hours ago, Nytwyng said:

Ewok slicer

When I read this I thought it was some kind of industrial food processor employed by some bad guys. I was quite disappointed when I realized what you were actually talking about.