This comes from a Battletech game I ran a while back:

I run Classic Battletech games, but I incorporate a lot of RPG elements into it. For example, I use the Maximum Tech dueling rules (which resembles the combat systems from several more traditional RPGs with its incidental, simple, and full actions), and I also use Pilot/Crew special abilities, which are not unlike Talents in Dark Heresy or Feats in Dungeons and Dragons 3.5. One notable special ability is called "Edge", and is the focus of my little story.

Edge works much like Fate Points in Dark Heresy in that you can spend one to re-roll something. Unlike fate points, however, you can also use Edge to force a re-roll of something that's being done to you, which is just as well; in a previous campaign, player characters were dying at an alarming rate, and several of the deaths were due to head shots on the Battlemech the affected pilot was in by some sort of heavy weapon, like AC20s or Gauss Rifles. A 'mech could be pristine and yet be suddenly put out of action due to the entire head (and the pilot in it) being vaporized by a lucky shot. In response, I started awarding one-use Edge points for certain scenarios and subsequently, player-character survival dramatically increased.

With all that in mind, we come to my little anecdote.

Situation: the players (5) form a Clan Wolf-in-Exile assault omni-mech star and are facing off against a Word of Blake assault Level 2 (six assault-class battlemechs). One of the Blakist 'mechs has just fired a Gauss Rifle. Rolling for hit location, I roll boxcars (12) on 2d6, a dreaded head hit.

GM (me), to target player: "If you have any Edge left, now's a good time to use it."

The target player subsequently spends the last point of Edge he had, and as I go to re-roll the hit location, a fellow player says, "You should be fine. There's just no way he'll roll another head shot."

I roll, and I get . . . boxcars (12). Again.

At that point, we all started laughing.

-Kirov

RT game, Ork Freeboota/Bosun is trying to sneak past some scum at a hiveworld. Ork blows his sneak roll badly of course and gets noticed by the scum. Ork looks right at them and player rolls the dice without asking.

"OI DO YA MIND? I'S SNEAKING HERE!"

He aced the intimidate check. Scum later claimed they saw nothing and heard nothing.

The Glen said:

I hope the player got a huge bonus for this. That is awesome.

The Glen said:

I lol'ed for 5 minutes reading this. every RT game should have an ork PC.

Perhaps not the "funnest", but made be smile nonetheless:

After encountering a near-feral tribe at an Imperial space hulk, Arch-Militant Lucius and his armsman Gorr are reloading the Arch-Militant's power armour.

Lucius: "An Emperor-damned cargo cult..."

Gorr, after finishing reciting the litanies of recharging to the armour's machine spirit: "Aye, bloody savages."

Couple weeks ago the party psyker rolls a 9 on one of his powers. He rolls the percentiles and rolls a 1. While I am digging out the charts the party artbit says, "Oh, with it being that low the result is going to be something like a demon farts in the distance.....'

Pull the chart out and a roll of 1 is:

1–3 Dark Foreboding: A very faint breeze blows past the Psyker and those near him, and everyone gets the eerie
feeling that something unfortunate has just happened somewhere in the galaxy.

Much laughter followed.

In my 13 or so years of gaming I have seen and been a part in some really hilarious situations. One of these situations happened about a month ago. We are playing DHand a mutual friend between several of the players joins us for this session. Well to keep a long story short the group I am with got sent out to the Malfi sector to be a part of the ordainment of the Archimendrite. My character is a noble cleric from Scintilla named Tanya. Well stuff happens the new Archimendrite is killed and the S hits the fan. One of the malfi nobles that happened to be at this gathering is known as Lord Makin. well that mutual friend that joined us makes an out of character comment to the extent of lord Bacon. Well for some god awful reason after the snickering from that subsides I decide I am going to engage lord Makin in some conversation. I run into him in the hall and when I go to greet him I proceed to say "How are you today Lord Bacon". Needless to say that Tanya is now mortified over this. The truly funny thing about this is Tanya has a 68 in her fellowship and could not for the life of herself bluff or charm her way out of this mess.

Here's another one that just recently happened:

My game group were playing a game where we wound up on a Roman style world, and our GM while describing the scenery said there were "olive garden's" in the fields. We laughed as hard as we did during the "orkesrta" incident.

Syzygy said:

This whole story had me laughing to tears, but the line above was my favorite!

Kasatka said:

I'm curious Kasatka... was it a cliffhanger or a "fade to black. right roll new characters" situation? If it's the latter then yeah I'd have bloody wanted an explanation. if the former... I'm sure you could have waited. Heck I leave my players on cliffhangers as often as **** possible as, in my experience, it makes them hungrier for the next game.

It seems a really wierd place to end the game if that was the case. I knoe my assassin would be charging the thing chanting prayers, letting off clips of blessed bolter ammo and brandishing his holy sword!

In relation to the thread...

In a game of RT a few weeks ago i paly in the navigator and arch-militant were having a fight to the death on the bridge of a ship enmeshed in a hulk we'd discovered. The Navigators player failed roll after roll, he spent every fate point and always rolled worse, and ended up getting sucked out into the void. My assassin/bodyguard was racing to the location to find out what was happennig as the vox to them had gone down but we knew something was up so I went to investigate as I was the only one they'd probably listen to having already beaten the arch-militant to a pulp in an honour duel.

The GM asks me for an awareness check, i fail and use a fate point to re-roll and rolled a 07. The navigators player just shouts "Well it looks like someone got the real fate points, not the discount **** i got lumped with!"

Many years ago, I was running a Werewolf: The Apocalypse game with three players. The characters were two native-american "fighter-type" werewolfs from the same tribe. One of these (my brother's character) was a primitive, Rage-fuelled, bad-ass combat monster born from wolves, not men. The third was a tech-loving "city" werewolf. Pretty good in a fight, but leaning toward more of a hacker-type character. His "type" is NOT liked by the other two.

So this motley group is tasked by their elders to infiltrate an enemy lab facility. They are able to sneak in undetected, avoiding triggering any alarms. The fact that they do not encounter any guards beyond the entry area only heightens their tension. By the time they worked their way through a couple of floors with nothing of interest occuring, they have become paranoid bundles of nerves. They go to check the door & I decide to break the tension & make it a janitor's closet. The hacker opens the door & my brother's PC stands in his animal form, ready to pounce. I tell him to make a dodge check, but not why since it is an unthinking reaction. A simple dodge should have been childs play to this character.

He fails miserably, botching the roll (think multiple degrees of failure), and winds up on his belly under a mop handle. The hacker-wolf begins to tease the wolf with "Ooooh, the great warrior" and such. Due to the embarassment & severe dislike of the other character, I called for a roll to resist frenzy. Botch. This puts the PC into a Wyrm-Frenzy, which is sort of like temporarily going to the Dark Side AND turning on everyone around in a berserk rage where you want to kill & EAT any who cross your path. He attacks the hacker & cripples him with a flurry of savage attacks. The other warrior trys to stop him by inflicting non-lethal (for a werewolf) wounds, and succeds in breaking his legs before the crazed beast drops him. So now the hacker is desperately crawling away from his frenzied ally, while the beast crawls after howling and slavering for his blood. The two continue the slowest chase scene ever, until the hacker gets to the bodies of the guards they had killed. He starts throwing the bodies to the beast trying to get him to stop & eat. This does not work, but the hacker is able to inflict enough damage with the guard's gun to knock the beast out. The hacker gets to a jeep parked outside, but is so badly injured he crashes & blacks out.

Oh, and they failed the mission if you were wondering.

Guardsman: "Alright everyone stack up by the door. Who's got a flashbang?"

Arbitrator: "Me."

Guardsman: "I count down with my fingers from three then open the door."

Arbitrator disconnects

Psyker (Me): "Screw it, I grab the flashbang out of her hand and throw it in the doorway."

GM: "Roll BS"

I roll somewhere in the 80s

GM: "The flashbang bounces off the door frame and goes off in front of you, everyone roll toughness."

Guardsman: "YOU FOOL!" (Reference to The Spoony One's Let's Play of SWAT 4, where incompetent AI made this a common occurrence)

And that's how the Psyker caused a TPK without Perils of the Warp.

We wrote down our actions in our Rogue Trader ship battles. One session I wrote that my Tech-Priest would bombard the enemy's ship when our Rogue Trader decided provided him a +10 bonus by giving him a rousing speech. I accidentally said "arousing" when I wrote it down.

Im a Gm for my heresy game and the Acolytes are on a space hulk. Well they find a room and it has no 'floor' and it goes down into space.

Psyker: *takes a step* "How much fall damge will i take?

Me: You step onto the floor

Psyker: *Walks out more* Oh so its just invisible?

Me: Yup

Assasin: *points at psyker* Your flying!

Pskyer: Its magic!

Assasin: *jumps and lands face first on the floor*

Guardsmen: why are you on hte invisible floor?

Assasin: Im like it

Psyker: *opens the door to the next room and runs to the closet wall* Sporemines! *Shoots a sporemine and releases poison gas into the room. slips on a re breather*

Guardsman: *Runs out of the room*

Me: Assasin roll for toughness

Assasin rolls and gets a 76

Cleric: *yells to assasin on the other side of the door* Get out of there!

Assasin: *sees a talking pelican and stabs it and 'flys' (crawls) to the room where the psyker is and sees a giant wall of 'cotton candy' (wall of fire caused by the psyker) and runs through it and attacks the lolipop (zoanathrope)*

from france

a memorable vampire game one malkav, one ventrue, brujah one gangrel and me a ravnos. the gangrel a tough fighter. we had three car chasing each time the gangrel try to jump on the other car three time he felt on the road...... that make me laugh a lot.

i didn't understood the other debate but i also wich it to exist on separate forum. i especialy like the exchange between the clever sistercat and the others.

as french a lot of thing are completely allien to me in the american culture and the english word. just one example we latins are more affraid of violence than sex. we had one president who dies in the arms of his mistress and one who have two wife and illegal child. guess what ? no one cares their where in power for the job the rest didn't matter for us. so we found ridculous the idea that one of the usa president have a oral relation with his secretary could offend people.

so much differences for me.

funkwit81 said:

Nah, the game just outright ended there. My Deathcultist with power fist was all set to charge, somersault onto the thing and smack it in the face till it died, but yeah. Fade to black. Fin.

During a Rogue Trader game:

A kroot and Ork PC had both just met a new Techpriest PC in one of the ships hold. After some akward (and funny) introductions, the techpriest begins to notice that the hold is venting atmosphere. He states (im paraphrasing here) , " we seem to be losing to oxygen at a alarming rate, your species does breath, doesn't it?" The ork Character doesnt miss a beat "ya, you want to make something out of it!" We were laughing our butts off.

Another instance during our first Rogue Trader game, the characters needed some info from a group of humans causing trouble on a kroot station. They had a fake trade planned and the kroot in the party was hiding in the crate to surprise the enemy once the shooting started. Once things got hostile, the ork bashed his hand against thecrate and shouted so everyone could hear "Kroot get out!!!! Time for surprise!!! CODENAME BETRAYAL!!!" I think I burst a lung on that one.

During a Dark Heresy Game:

Two of our players are married and dont ever miss a chance to poke at each others characters. One time, one of the characters was acting as a noble and his wife was his servant. The fake noble laid it on thick and ordered his servant to prepare his room. She helped to make sure the room was appropraite for a trully penitent man and it became a Flaggelants wet dream. Whips were displayed around the room and all he had was a plank of wood to sleep on.

He got revenge though, as soon as he discovered the room the changes, he ordered for someone to watch him sleep becuase he always sleeps with his servant and needs to make sure he "doesnt succumb to the sins of the flesh". After he had a bad roll, I had a huge servant of the church come in. 7 foot tall muscle bound dude with a giant hammer. He basically stood over them each night staring at them and speaking a pray to the emperor and threating to bash them with a hammer if they even touched each other in bed. Sadly, they never did and Im kicking myself that I never rolled to see if they did so by accident.

Saturday night, we're playing DW with a former Primaris psycher turned Inquisitor running with us after the marines all getting possessed and taking over the ship (long story)... We're on a planet being drawn into the Warp building trenches etc around our cutter for fortifications... Suddenly we see a cloud of dust in the distance... Inquisitor decides to get into the cutter and check it out... Rest of the party follows into the cutter... flying along, come up on the cloud... It's some kind of large hairless pink ape thing running about 1/4 max speed of the cutter, and we can see various other arms and legs in the dust cloud behind it.... Inq pulls up alongside, asks if the ape thing notices him... DM says "yeah, he looks over at the cutter off and on while he's running"... Inq decides that he will fly up ahead, turn around, and **fire a warning shot into it's head**

DM:"are you sure?"

Inq: "Yep. Fire a warning shot into it's head."

Me: (OOC) "I said across her nose, not up it!"

Later in the same session... All the marines have been knocked down by some kind of earthquake, and Inq has been grabbed by a demon...

Me: Can I shoot my bolter while prone like this?"

ST: "Yep... -20 penalty"DM

Me: "Does this count as shooting into melee?"

DM: "Not yet... Demon's between you and Inq"

Me: "OK" shoots...

DM: "The demon gets up and flares out it's wings as it turns around"

Inq: "Shoot him again!"

Me: "You're now in the line of fire"

Inq: "So? I'd do the same to you, if not worse."

DM did the whole high/low thing for body shots on the demon to see if demon or Inq were hit... Full auto burst, killed the demon when I blew it's arm off with the last shell but not before making the Inq spend a Fate Point to avoid dying when my first 2 shots were body and I called high but DM rolled low, sending Inq down to about -25 crits on the second shell...

Well, at the time it seemed funnier... lol

We were undercover on Spectoris investigating the rumors of a chaotic cult within the working class. Our party consisted of a 250kg Tech Priest, Bionic handed Scum (Me) and a telepath/telekinetic psyker.

Running afoul of several of the cult's members and causing enormous damage to the top story of a 58 story Hab-stack, the local law enforcement were called in to quell the violence. Unable to reveal their identity as Throne Agents, the three decided to split up and escape with 3 enormous tomes of dark arts discovered in the cult's hideout.

Our Tech priest decided to create a scratch-built parachute by holding a length of heavy canvas in his mechadendrites and jump out the window......holding the 3 tomes. Already weighing in at 250kg, the tomes added an extra 15kg........

He asked:

Techpriest: What test should I roll?

GM: Umm...a Macgyver test?

Needless to say all 265kg of Tech priest thundered 58 stories to the ground making a nice crater and burning a fate point.

Also of note our Psyker was captured by the Arbites and was being transported back to base in a rhino transport when he attempted to control the driver and single guard. Rolling a perils, he managed Psychic Concussion, knocking out everyone in the transport and (with some INSANELY bad luck) causing it to crash through barricades into the ocean. Our Psyker asked:

Psyker: So I'm still handcuffed, both Arbites are unconscious AND the rhino is sinking to the bottom of the sea?

GM: Yes

Psyker:......................Can I attempt to lift the rhino back to the surface, telekinetic style?

GM: Sure

(Psyker rolls, gets perils again, summons a daemon)

GM: The rhino is ascending slowly to the surface it will probably take 15 minutes, but a bloodletter has been summoned in the cabin.

Psyker: Well at least I have someone to *&%#ing talk to.........

Kasatka said:

dude that just sucks. I'd have been a very angry bunny if a GM pulled that kinda crap. even if you were all gonna die I'd want to go out swinging!

Flaminpiglet said:

This is pretty awesome. It's the kind of stuff that you couldn't possibly write if you had GM control over the psyker's powers, thus proving how awesome the random tables are.

As a GM I often have to deal with my players and the 'plans' they come up with that have nothing to do with the storyline.

It was a couple of weeks ago that their plans ended up with the groups scum being held captive by a commisar who had decided he needed to be executed for his crimes. A group of guardsman dragged him out into the middle of the town square where the commisar pointed his plasma pistol at his head and asked:

Commisar: Do you have any last words before I render justice on you!

Scum: I leave my fate to the god emperor

When I said that he was killed but could burn a fate point to survive (Somehow) the player calmly asked: Could you roll to see if he hits me, his BS is 30 and the bonus of 60 is 90, there is a ten percent chance he could fail. I rolled and got a 100. The entire group fell out of their chairs as the commisar burned his hand off. The groups cleric proclaimed it as a miracle. The scum waited a moment and then picked up the plasma pistol. The guardsman let the group leave, unsure what to do in the face of such divine intervention.


Other great qoutes:

"I cut the daemon's heart out and eat it"

A: "I am low on ammo!"
B: "Try hitting your targets more often and we will give you more ammo"

A: "Can someone help me here?"
B: "I will help you for 5 thrones"
A: "I hate it when the scum rolls really low on his monthly income"

A: "who has the grenades?"
B: "They do"

A: "everyone run!"
B: shoots A in the leg
A: "what was that for?"
B: "you can run faster than me, this is my best hope"

and lastly, the moment that nearly killed me...
A: "ok we need to make a plan"
B: "whenever we make a plan, someone nearly dies"
C: "well, how about this time we just run in and play it by ear, fast and loose, everyone for themselves, three musketeers style, moment of badassness, and let it all hang out"
A: "ok, we'll try that this time."
B: "but none of that makes sense"
C: "There is just no pleasing you"

Playing Ascension, our cadre found themselves in the middle of a riot following a series of suicide bombings and and arson attacks in a feudal-world city. Our Inquisitor, a psyker, attempted to calm the crowd by projecting her voice into their minds and bringing them all to heel under Inquisitorial authority:

Psychic Phenomena -> Perils -> Mass Possession

Things did not end well.

foxalpha said:

This is pure gold. As good as it gets in role playing. I'm sure you're all still laughing about it. Good on you for rolling and thanks for sharing.

Dr. Schadenfreude said:

Hmmmm... I'm detecting a bit of a pattern here. Psyker uses powers in a public place for (relatively) benevolent reasons, the warp breaks into reality frakking sh*t up, and nothing is ever the same again.

Darth Smeg has a great little thread over in the GM forum for just this sort of thing.