All: I HIGHLY welcome your feedback on the formatted draft of my 2nd fan scenario: THE LONE WOLF.

It is already formatted and includes a map (so it looks pretty). I included 90% of the feedback already received.

I specifically need feedback on the following:

1. DISEASE RULES
2. Title (the scenario is named after the adventure hook of the same name by Hapimeses (I think that's andrew law right?)
3. Where I should place the monsters in the ship
4. what parts of the ship should be rotted and how bad from the encounter with the nurgle plagueship
5. macguffins
6. hooks by party type
7. plot in general
8. "wants and needs by GM's"
9. the boxed text is rough/incomplete..any thoughts there are welcome too.
10. Grammar/spelling/format

It is here: gallery.rptools.net/v/contrib/emirikol7/

Yours in chaos slime,

Jay Hafner

Is this the extension to False Pretenses?

I didn't specifically design it that way, but it is set again in Hargendorf, Nordland. I needed a port that could be periodically "less busy" so I chose it over Marienburg (which wouldn't have let the warship park there anyways

jh

Emirikrol,

I have been gazing through your scenario today, it appears to be a fun scenario. It could use a bit of touching up in the language department (and I mostly mean just add a bit more descriptive text) and I'd reckon you can get rid of a few text blocks, some of oneliners give the idea of the information that is supposed to go there being redundant because you described the gist of it below the text blocks at some points. You can fill them up with possible 'prose' the GM could read aloud to his/her players though.

Maybe an idea would be to make it a bit more horrorish in terms of description. The setting seems to really lend itself to a nerve-wracking experience.

About the diseases. I am not sure what the B notation means in terms of dice (Im not that familiar with the Roleplaying Game yet) but they don't seem to be sorted by severity. (To my limited understanding of the rules; Scurvy madness appears to be the most deadly of the diseases and it is somewhere in the middle.)

And considering this is a draft I'm sure you've already thought about this, but the remaining thing I wanted to add was to flesh out the Captain Ludwig parts a bit more. He is integral to the overall plot and adding some more possible reactions that NPC might have towards the PCs would be relatively helpful, I think.

Don't listen to any of my advice though. There should be more experienced people commenting soon.

Good tips. Yea, I deliberately underdeveloped the boxed text areas in most cases because that's the easiest to do last and formatted mostly the text I had prior to this in the GM's text. I'm going to run it tonight on my main group and see how it plays out with 'on the spot' description and fill in more fluff later.

As for the diseases, the "B" should be a "K". In CMYK color usage (standardized), K is black. Nez notation I believe uses something else. Probably the severity difficulty could be lsited (1-3) like insanities. I think the main one to deal with tonight will be Neglish Rot.

But otherwise, if it appears significantly underdeveloped, that's intentional because it's little more than a formatted skeleton. I hope to minimize the amount of unnecessary fluff this time around. With False Pretenses and all the RPGA scenarios I did, I ended up with lots of rewrites..I don't feel that's too important in fan scenarios anymore..in fact, I like the Savage Worlds "ONE PAGE" method honestly and may attempt that in my next write-up.

Thanks,

Jay H