Greetings loyal Imperial citizens. I am the aide de camp to Admiral Kendal Ozzel. As the commanding officer of the Death Squadron fleet, he has decided (despite many misgivings) to have a 'secret santa' event for the senior staff. As fate would have it, he pulled Lord Vader's name. For whatever reason, he instantly delegated the task of choosing a gift to me. I must admit that I'm not sure what a Dark Lord of the Sith would find acceptable for a gift, so I'm turning to the populace at large.

Presently, I have created the following list. Any additional ideas and opinions on which is the best gift would be greatly appreciated.

1. An hour glass full of sand.

2. An assortment of scented lotions.

3. A gift certificate for a free mani/pedicure.

4. A personal slave.

5. A toe bone necklace of a former queen of Naboo (strange I know, I picked it up in a bazaar there while on leave. It's supposedly a good luck charm).

6. A coffee mug with some delta symbol over an oval (not sure just what that stand for, but they're on clearance in the Avenger's commissary)

7. A wig.

That's all I've been able to come up with so far. I would very much appreciate any assistance in this as the event is only about 2 weeks away.

Best Regards,

Captain Lorth Needa

If you like a personal gift I would suggest a Photo Book with Portraits of all Imperial Officers he choked to death and their Families. I guess he would find that amusing.

otherwise just take a Gungan frozen in Carbonite (you can't do anything wrong with that, can you?)

6 hours ago, Hannes Solo said:

If you like a personal gift I would suggest a Photo Book with Portraits of all Imperial Officers he choked to death and their Families. I guess he would find that amusing.

otherwise just take a Gungan frozen in Carbonite (you can't do anything wrong with that, can you?)

Citizen,

Hmm, it would be difficult to gather that much information from the Imperial archives at such short notice. I mean you're talking about well over 200 people and families.

You think Vader would like Gunguns? I doubt you could freeze a living thing in carbonite (who does that?). There DOES seem to be a dancing Gungun toy available for sale. Would that be appropriate?

Regards,

Captain Needa

The Gungan needs to be frozen in Carbonite, otherwise I fear we might need to add Admiral Ozzle to the Photobook.
It is no problem. Carbonite freezing has be done before on all kinds of perishable goods. Rations, Livestock, infectios Biowaste... Gungans fit in there perfectly.

Hello Captain,

I actually think that live, non-frozen Gungans would be a spectacular present! I hear the dark lord might greatly enjoy recieving a Gungan Christmasgram, with them all dressed up in Sith Lord-themed ugly Christmas sweaters and singing his favorite songs about how the Force is extinct.

I like this! I wonder if Naboo has such a service?

The other thing I was thinking of was putting a zen garden in Vader's meditation sphere. I mean if he meditates in there, what better way to assist that than to fill the whole thing with sand and put little designs in it. Maybe a monklike robe for him to wear over his armor? It could be a rustic shade of brown. I could have the attendant for his chamber leave it folded on the floor for him after it is cleaned.

Maybe not a good idea. The attendant gets rather shoddy with his work. I imagine it would just be crumpled on the floor.

13 hours ago, Kieransi said:

Hello Captain,

I actually think that live, non-frozen Gungans would be a spectacular present! I hear the dark lord might greatly enjoy recieving a Gungan Christmasgram, with them all dressed up in Sith Lord-themed ugly Christmas sweaters and singing his favorite songs about how the Force is extinct.

Hearing that I have to agree that an ugly christmas sweater might work as good as carbonite freezing. Though for a Sith Lord a single induvidual could come a bit niggardly so I advise to hire a whole Gungan Choir.

I thing at gn.http://hire-an-alien.cc you can book such services
If you would be in need of some cleaning service after the Chritmas Party I can recommend you
gn.http://wesy-cleanycleany-yourse-messymessy.nb

Perhaps given discussions the MSE droids have overheard from the conduits, an "Empire's Greatest Dad" mug might be appropriate?

We all know how much the Dark Lord enjoys his caf.

Vader just wants to spend time with his loved ones building snow WMDs.

7 hours ago, TopHatGorilla said:

Vader just wants to spend time with his loved ones building snow WMDs.

Lord Vader actually doesn't like snow. It's cold and powdery and soft and it melts everywhere, including into Lord Vader's circuitry. Also nobody brings up the Death Star with him these days. That's a very sore point for him due to the... er... Yavin ordeal. I actually hear the Emperor is building a second one just to aggravate him. His Highness is such the prankster!

But seriously, don't talk about the Death Star with Lord Vader. It's a little known fact, but the late Captain-Director Grammel actually made an off color remark at Lord Vader about the Battle of Yavin right before Lord Vader... well... divided him in two. I'm not sure what the proper name for that maneuver is, but in the Imperial Navy we now call it getting Grammel'd. The fact that we even got to the point of needing a nickname for it ought to tell you how often the act occurs.

You know, maybe the Dark Lord just needs something to intercept these aggravations before they occur? Would a protocol droid be a good idea? Lord Vader is quite the mechanic. I would bet that I could order the parts for an older model and have him put them together. Then he'd have a droid AND the joy of putting one together!

I'd better hurry on this though, the fleet has been quite busy getting ready for a major operation. I'm not at liberty to discuss anything, but let's just say that if we can make things happen within the next few days it will be the best present Lord Vader has ever gotten!

On 12/17/2017 at 7:29 AM, Hawkstrike said:

Perhaps given discussions the MSE droids have overheard from the conduits, an "Empire's Greatest Dad" mug might be appropriate?

We all know how much the Dark Lord enjoys his caf.

Alas, Captain Piett (the brown noser) has already gifted Lord Vader with a mug in commemoration of the 18th annual orbital bombardment of Kashyyyk. Admiral Ozzel has made it quite clear that I am to avoid any duplicate gifts.

I recommend some helmet and boot polish, then. You know how hard black is to keep shiny.

they even have flavored versions for all the lickspittles around here.

How about a stuffed Tauntaun?

You can find them on a planet called Hoth.

It might be worth your while to check that place out.

7 hours ago, Robin Graves said:

How about a stuffed Tauntaun?

You can find them on a planet called Hoth.

It might be worth your while to check that place out.

It is a very rare occurrence, but some of them even have a Skywalker kid inside.

Welp, party was ruined. We were supposed to destroy a Rebel base then go down and build snowmen on the arctic planet below but Admiral Ozzel accidentally forgot to get Lord Vader's favorite flavor of cocoa and was promptly strangled to death. A lot of the Rebels escaped so the party was postponed until after one small Corellian transport was caught. And darn if the thing didn't just zoom past the bridge of my cruiser and disappear.

Looks like the only present I'll be getting Vader this year is going to be an apology...

Well, just imagine the possibilities for the New Year's Party!