This is just a less-than-completely-serious thread of jokes relating to clans and clan stereotypes. Practice the art of Wit-jutsu! Just please remember to keep it civil. We're poking fun at all clans, but let's not let it get personal!

If you think even the capital-'K' Kami should be serving you instead of the other way around...you may be a Phoenix.

If the greatest insult the other clans could offer you is to not simply overthrow their current government and instill your Clan Champion as undisputed Emperor...you may be a Spider.

If your boats are stronger than your castles...you may be a Mantis.

If you can string together any random series of words and get people to view you as wise rather than mad...you may be a Dragon.

If you think Wall-mart is the best place to get supplies against the Shadowlands...you may be a Crab.

If your girlfriend broke up with you because she didn't want to be seen with a guy who's prettier than she is...you may be a Crane.

If your plots have so many layers that even you are surprised to learn that you're really behind it all...you may be a Scorpion.

If you have so much cavalry that your horses ride into battle on horses...you may be a Unicorn.

If you're a big, golden cat with a long, furry mane around your neck...you may be a lion.

If you know that you are better than everybody else... you may be a Crane.

5 minutes ago, Doji Makoto said:

If you think that you are better than everybody else... you may be a Crane.

Fixed it.

If you have the most beautiful poisonous flower garden... you may be a Scorpion.

If you want to add new cards to your deck, so you search for the keyword "dishonor", you might be a scorpion.

If you start your breakfast by prodding it with jade in case it's an oni in disguise... you might be a Crab.

If your breakfast would be incomplete and unsatifying without composing a spontaneous haiku to mark the occasion... you might be a Crane.

If you eat your breakfast with a pair of chopsticks in either hand... you might be a Dragon.

If you eat your breakfast every day from your father's bowl, filled with your grandmother's recipe, at your great-grandfather's table, in the fashion prescribed by your great-great-grandmother based on the writings of the Kami Akodo, in the certain knowledge that this is the ONE TRUE BREAKFAST and all others are unworthy of the name... you might be a Lion.

If your breakfast was delivered to you via a boat that sailed into the house via the guttering from the ornamental koi pond... you might be a Mantis.

If your breakfast is merely an annoying distraction from the fascinating scroll you discovered last night in a sealed vault labelled "DANGER, DO NOT OPEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, NO NOT EVEN THEN"... you might be a Phoenix.

If the most important question in your mind is "is this the breakfast I prepared for me, or the breakfast I prepared for you?"... you might be a Scorpion.

If your breakfast bowl is covered with skulls and spikes and brought to you by a zombie servitor, but is really the TRUE breakfast bowl that one day all the other crockery will be forced to acknowledge and bow down to... you might be a Spider.

If you prepare breakfast for your horse and maybe yourself... you might be a Unicorn.

12 minutes ago, Doji Makoto said:

If you know that you are better than everybody else... you may be a Crane.

If you actually know the difference between a dinner chopstick and a salad chopstick...you may be a Crane.

...if you actually care about said difference...you are most definitely a Crane!

If your archers can shoot down threats anywhere in the Empire without even leaving their castle...you may be a Mantis.

If you think the wholesale collapse of reality is a small price to pay to realize your worldview for mankind...you may be a Kolat.

If your birthday stone is Jade no matter what month you were born in, you may be a Crab....

If you'd rather starve than eat anywhere but a 5* restaurant, you may be a Crane....

If no one is sure if you're smart or stupid, but everyone's fairly certain you won't use your philosophy studies later in life, you may be a Dragon....

If the best part of someone insulting your honor is getting to beat them up and invade their provinces, you may be a Lion....

If other clans keep over pronouncing "arrrr" sounds in words around you and giggling, you may be a Mantis....

If the only thing more important than peace is killing anything that stands between you and more spell scrolls, you may be a Phoenix....

If you've ever felt the joy of stabbing your favorite person in the back, only to find your own knife in your back, you may be a Scorpion....

If you think that Hantei is coming to take away your taint, you may be a Scorpion....

If you think that the gaijin make more sense than everyone else in your empire, you may be a Unicorn....

7 minutes ago, JJ48 said:

If your archers can shoot down threats anywhere in the Empire without even leaving their castle boat...you may be a Mantis.

FTFY

If even your shugenja look like a beef cannery exploded... you may be a Crab.

If your entire knowledge of bushido can be summed up in one dismissive grunt... you may be a Wasp.

If you view yourself and your follow clansmen/clanswomen as Artists and everyone else as Hobbyists... you may be a Crane. *insert Karin Kanzuki laugh*

If your motto is, "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like an Oni"...you may be a Crab.

If "going south for the winter" means coming back with twenty goblin heads as souvenirs...you may be a Crab.

If your first reaction to bureaucracy if to bludgeon it to death... you may be a Crab,

If when your habit of building large structures causes people to as if your compensating for something you answer 'yes, the fact that the world didn't come with sufficient defensive fortifications'... you might be a Crab.

If every strategy you come up with includes the term "acceptable casualties" to describe your own troops, you may be a Crab.

If every strategy you come up with includes the term "acceptable casualties" to describe the other side's troops, you may be a Lion.

If every strategy you come up with includes the term "acceptable casualties" to describe a clan not even participating in the current battle, you may be a Scorpion.

If you believe there's no such thing as "too swole," you may be a Crab.

If your grocery list includes a dozen common household items that have no use to you individually but which can be combined to make several different undetectable poisons, you may be a Scorpion.

If your heart is torn between wanting to be accepted and appreciated by the other Great Clans, or plunging the Empire into the everlasting darkness of Jigoku...you might be a Spider.

If your clan has been saved from its own story by the use of deus ex machina... you might be... well any clan really.

If you insist that the best way to eat rice is by dual-wielding your chopsticks, you may be Dragon clan.

If your Garmin only says "The arrow knows the way" when you ask for directions, you may be Mantis clan.

If your favorite movie is "Groundhog Day" you may be Phoenix clan

If you "think this song is about you" you may be Crane clan

If you have a strange obsession with laser pointers you may be Lion clan

If you think Rarity is the best pony in ponyville you may be Unicorn clan

If you have blue "truck-nuts"and a bumper sticker that says "chicks dig the tetsubo" you may be Crab clan.

If you're sick of Samuel Jackson's opinions on which airline you fly, you may be Naga

If you insist all your children's names have as many vowels as consonants, you may be Ratling

If Shaggy's "It wasn't me" is your anthem song, you may be Scorpion clan

If you're not in this list and totally pissed, you may be Spider clan.

To be fair, I'd consider a "Chicks dig the tetsubo" bumper sticker.

Underline it with an image of the tetsubo, and have a crab blue background.

If even your horses are on boats... you might be a Mantis.

If your motto is "Beat it until it stops moving"... you may be a Crab.

Mirumoto Satsu approves of this stereotype.

If every little bit of ground that doesn't have someone else's flag in it looks like it should be yours you might be a Mantis.
If you don't care that it has a flag you're definitely a Mantis.

11 hours ago, Ishi Tonu said:

If you think Rarity is the best pony in ponyville you may be Unicorn clan.

If you know that Rarity is clearly a Crane and not a Unicorn you might be too multidisciplinary.

2 hours ago, khaighle said:

If you know that Rarity is clearly a Crane and not a Unicorn you might be too multidisciplinary.

Movie edition!

If you think Aliens is a cautionary tale about the importance of proper reconnaissance, you might be a Crab.

If you think Mean Girls has a tragic downfall ending, you might be a Crane.

If you have any opinion about Koyaanisqatsi other than "That was weird", you might be a Dragon.

If you think the ending of Scarface "came out of nowhere", you might be a Mantis.