Hello again! I wrote this awhile back, but didn't think it was enough to share, but I think it's a good place to end as far as the story goes. My busy summer is over, so I hope to write part 3 soon! You can read part 1 here: https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/221001-shot-down-over-endor/#entry2236248 .

enjoy!

After what seemed like an eternity of hiking, He finally reached the top of the hill. He needed a spot to sit down for a minute, as he was thoroughly exhausted. He found a tree with some moss at its base. He began to sit, and ended up falling instead. He considered removing his helmet, but he did not know if the air on this planet was breathable or not. Looking up into the sky, The pilot could see the Death Star in the distance, and small specs around it, presumably starships. He couldn’t tell what anything was, besides the massive battle station.

Memories of flying around it’s superstructure came to mind. He and his squad would often be assigned to patrol around the surface of the battle station, as there was not much else to be done. It was always more interesting to fly close to exterior of the Station, rather than far away, in the emptiness of space. He and his squad mates would make the most of flying in-between the multitude of structures protruding from the surface. As he sat there, he wondered where his friends where now, dead or alive.

His thoughts were then interrupted; The Death Star had just been destroyed. There was no warning, not even the sound of the explosion. He just watched, awestruck, at the horrifying, yet beautiful Ball of fire that replaced the once seemingly indestructible station. His heart raced, he could barely breath, he had to take this helmet off. With as loud hiss, the helmet was removed, and he breathed in the crisp, fresh air. He continued to watch the sky, hoping to somehow determine how the battle was going. From what his superiors told him, this was the perfect trap to crush the Rebel alliance once and for all. If the rebels had just managed to blow up the Death Star, surely they were not losing as easily as anticipated.

It was then that The pilot noticed a pillar of smoke rising in the distance. Maybe it was another crashed ship. Rebel or Imperial, he had to find a way to reach it. He had been sitting under the tree for at least an hour, and he was fortunate enough to have not received any major injuries from the crash. He struggled to stand, and eventually got to his feet. He looked one more time up at where the Death Star Previously dominated the heavens, and began walking in the direction of the smoke.

He soon made it to the bottom of the hill, and neared the shore of the Lake. The Ball cockpit of his ship was now almost completely submerged in the water. No matter how desperately he wanted to retrieve some provisions from his ship, there was no way he could swim that far, especially in his flight suit. The sooner he reached whatever was causing the smoke, the better. At least he hoped.

Added a like to the chapter as overall I like the direction you are going with this.

Good points:

The story setup still building nice

You haven't just abandoned the crashed TIE as many would. The return mention of the still sinking fighter is good.

The last two paragraphs here are the strongest of this part.

To improve:

To misquote some Jedi or somebody, "you must learn patience." Sometimes rapid points are good, but here after crashing there is no hurry in your character. He is gathering his wits and observing. Slower pacing would help plenty to convey this. More simple sentences carrying a single point would suffice.

I like that the explosion causes the reaction to remove the helmet, I think more focus on the emotions would help. We still don't know your character or why we should care about him yet. I don't believe he would be informed of the trap... Bridge officers on the Executor didn't know, and that was the flagship of the fleet. Focus on your hero here instead.

Fact Check:

Pretty sure your pilot is going to know what starships look like in the sky... though I guess maybe he doubts what he sees since they might be birds? A little more detail here could help to understand why he is unsure. (I've personally seen satellites in low orbit at night and know what to look for...day on the other hand I'm not sure how much is visible - Google time...)

Interesting that he's not sure about the atmosphere. There is the Imperial base on the moon. I'd expect that would have been noted in briefings when the fleet arrived in system. The Imperial fleet was there well in advance of the rebels, after all.