I would have a talk with the guy on the side, explain exactly what people find annoying, and then give tactful suggestions on how to improve.

If that don't work, I'd whip his butt in the game continually till they quit out of desperation.

I speak from experience. You see, I was an Assassin player once. Made games unfun, bragged about how hard I whipped my opponents, the works. Option two would not work, because in all honesty I was really that good (talking 40k 2nd edition here). I'm forever grateful that a good friend pulled me aside once and had a hard talk with me.

Yeah, I'll still whip you....but I'll be nice about it!

If things really get bad, just tell him he might want to brush up on his code duello. That is usually all the hint one needs...

If the person apologizes for it but it still happens albeit a bit more infrequently? Lets say he is harsher on himself than being a total arse to others and it is just a vocal condemnation of himself?

Its not you is it?

If the person apologizes for it but it still happens albeit a bit more infrequently? Lets say he is harsher on himself than being a total arse to others and it is just a vocal condemnation of himself?

Its not you is it?

Interesting that this question is being ignored, because it was my immediate reaction about halfway through the first page.

Knowing how I vent and rant, can you really think this is about me?

How I deal with difficulty people in the community:

1. Have thick skin.

2. Talk trash about them behind their back with other who share the same feeling. It brings comfort knowing you aren't alone.

3. Make my best effort to just deal with it.

If the first 3 steps aren't enough:

4. Play at a different location with people I like. It sucks that the community has to split, but if the community is toxic because Joe Schmo and Co. is toxic, then it needs to be reformed without Joe and Co.

There probably should be a step in there about talking to the person, but honestly, that's not really my responsibility. If you are in the tabletop community and you haven't learned how to interact with people yet, my direct talk isn't going to be the thing that helps you. Step 1 covers people with mental issues who might have trouble with social interaction, so I'm not just writing people off willy nilly. If I were, I wouldn't have a community at all.

What kinds of actions do you consider toxic?

Before I begin, I would preface that step 1 is important. You gotta have thick skin. Everybody gets salty, everybody gets frustrated, and everybody has bad days. Good communication and interpersonal skills go a long way.

Toxic actions would mostly just be bad sportsmanship but that includes things like

-Being a sore loser

-Being an obnoxious winner

-Being too free with unsolicited advice

-Talking down to other players

-Being generally unhelpful to new players

-Being loud or obnoxious while people are trying to play a game

-Excessively butting into games they aren't a part of (backseat tabletopping)

Just off the top of my head.

Edit: I'm much more sensitive to these actions if they are done to a new player. Being a jerk to a vet is one thing. Being a jerk to someone just starting the game is intolerable.

If I know correctly the person he's talking about, it's a check behind almost all of those, aside from the bad treatment towards new players. Those he is pretty good with.

He's a really strong player (so beating him mercilessly until he goes away is not an option), who has extreme highs and lows. He has very little patience for others and their problems, but demands a lot of indulgence for his.

I think it's pretty egregious if he's a bad sport to new players. I mean, ultimately, none of you own the stores you play at so you can't ban a player. I would just be specifically supportive of any new players and let them know person x is not representative of your community.

There's only so much mending you can attempt before you just have to write somebody off and rebuild around them.

I think it's pretty egregious if he's a bad sport to new players. I mean, ultimately, none of you own the stores you play at so you can't ban a player. I would just be specifically supportive of any new players and let them know person x is not representative of your community.

There's only so much mending you can attempt before you just have to write somebody off and rebuild around them.

Yea, the person in question is actually really good with new players. It is about their only redeeming quality I think.

Ah I misread.

Eliminate them. With prejudice.

Or Ninjas.

Toxic gamers can ruin whole metas if they go unchecked. I've seen it happen before in other games I've played and the "let's not make it more uncomfortable by confronting him" awkward-a-thon was the community's response, much to its own eventual detriment. Some people can leave a hobby or at least a community outright due to a toxic gamer. Others it can be a strong contributing factor once their desire to play starts to ebb due to other reasons. Regardless, it needs to be dealt with once it's an agreed-upon problem. Have a person of authority within the community (either a prominent player or someone at the store) speak to or e-correspond with the offending party privately (whichever method seems best). Public confrontations ramp up the pressure and increase the chances of a disastrous outcome. Anyways, the discussion should be based on the problems the toxic gamer is causing and others have concerns about and means to resolve those problems. Hopefully that leads to improvements.

The absolute nuclear option should all other methods fail is to simply stop playing with the toxic gamer. It's a simple matter of saying "no thanks, I don't enjoy playing Armada with you." You're not forced into games with anyone (except in a tournament), so feel free to exercise this right if necessary. Other members of the group can choose to follow suit or continue to suffer through unfun games. Their choice.

I guess what I'm getting at is these problems tend to fester because people are cowardly about confrontation (even mild confrontation) and they also feel like they don't have any agency to make choices that reflect their desires. This is the kind of environment that allows toxic people to act unopposed and perhaps even without knowledge of the damage they are doing. Simply standing up and making your desires as a group known isn't an act of war or anything melodramatic like that. It's simply being forthright with the truth to address a problem.

If the person apologizes for it but it still happens albeit a bit more infrequently? Lets say he is harsher on himself than being a total arse to others and it is just a vocal condemnation of himself?

Its not you is it?

Interesting that this question is being ignored, because it was my immediate reaction about halfway through the first page.

I actually missed it. Thanks for bringing it up.

Knowing how I vent and rant, can you really think this is about me?

That and that most of these "I know a guy with a problem" questions I've encountered have been about the questioner. I'll take it that's not what's going on here.

My experience with gaming groups over the years has been to just not play with people who are unpleasant to play against. If you think they're doing it on accident or are unaware of what they're doing, play them and call it out immediately when they do it. Calmly, firmly, and without malice of your own.

Well as someone who's had to deal with my own issues in the past, I have Aspergers and that was ***** to admit, I had to analyze what I was doing by looking at my behavior from an outside perspective. I would have allowed myself to get too wrapped up in games, Warmachine was game of choice at that time, and I didn't see what I was doing at first. It took a couple people I trusted to tell me how I was acting during game. Now I wasn't a total asshat but I made people feel uncomfortable without knowing it myself.

But the thing is the person needs to be told by people who he trusts about what is going on. Then he has to do his own soul search to learn to control those tendencies. I had to learn to remove myself mentally from the game at times and not worry about those "cold" dice. It took me a long time to adjust and I still have my issues, I just try to keep them to a minimum of when I'm depressed I avoid gaming even if I just show up to watch and socialize.

Now I'm not perfect yet but I haven't had any complaints and other players seem genuine when they shake my hand afterwards and say they had a fun game. So I have come a Long ways since my Warmachine days. But I can still improve.

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Lyr asks what, if anything can be done. Then acknowledges said person knows about this thread and is okay with it (this thread alone is "doing something about it"). Like, what the heck?! "Guys, should we or should we not approach Player X and tell him that he is so toxic and unpleasant people talk about boycotting events or banning him because of his behavior? PS: Player X is reading this thread and is okay with it." --> this makes no sense, you don't need to agonize over approaching him if he already is being made aware of all of this.

Then Lyr goes onto say the "person's" ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY is being good with new players -- I find it hard to believe anyone could be so cruel and calloused about someone else unless they were posting about themselves pejoratively. Lyr notes the "person" is a great player and is mostly just hard on "himself," and we all remember Lyr's big post of "OH, I LOST A REGIONAL, HOW DO I EVER FORGIVE MYSELF AND LIVE WITH THE LOSS?!?!?!" post, so this sounds like it's his cup of tea.


Basically, if this isn't just Lyr talking about Lyr, I'd suspect the person in question would be very offended at the things that have been said and would probably never want to come back to this community anyways. If it is just Lyr talking about Lyr, I dunno man, just be humble and genuine and ask this community to give you constructive feedback about your behavior and the way it influences them and their enjoyment (and don't challenge them on it, just accept it and learn from it) and sincerely apologize and genuinely endeavor to be more cognizant of the sorts of behaviors that are making others feel uncomfortable. Sincerity, authenticity, and humility go a long way in mending and preserving social networks.


Regardless of who it is, best of luck to the person in question and the community in general in getting past the toxicity that is inhibiting everyone's maximum enjoyment of the game. Community fostering and maintenance are key aspects to gaming, and something we tend to just take for granted when we're lucky enough to have a happy and functional gaming community.

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Lyr asks what, if anything can be done. Then acknowledges said person knows about this thread and is okay with it (this thread alone is "doing something about it"). Like, what the heck?! "Guys, should we or should we not approach Player X and tell him that he is so toxic and unpleasant people talk about boycotting events or banning him because of his behavior? PS: Player X is reading this thread and is okay with it." --> this makes no sense, you don't need to agonize over approaching him if he already is being made aware of all of this.

Then Lyr goes onto say the "person's" ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY is being good with new players -- I find it hard to believe anyone could be so cruel and calloused about someone else unless they were posting about themselves pejoratively. Lyr notes the "person" is a great player and is mostly just hard on "himself," and we all remember Lyr's big post of "OH, I LOST A REGIONAL, HOW DO I EVER FORGIVE MYSELF AND LIVE WITH THE LOSS?!?!?!" post, so this sounds like it's his cup of tea.

Basically, if this isn't just Lyr talking about Lyr, I'd suspect the person in question would be very offended at the things that have been said and would probably never want to come back to this community anyways. If it is just Lyr talking about Lyr, I dunno man, just be humble and genuine and ask this community to give you constructive feedback about your behavior and the way it influences them and their enjoyment (and don't challenge them on it, just accept it and learn from it) and sincerely apologize and genuinely endeavor to be more cognizant of the sorts of behaviors that are making others feel uncomfortable. Sincerity, authenticity, and humility go a long way in mending and preserving social networks.

Regardless of who it is, best of luck to the person in question and the community in general in getting past the toxicity that is inhibiting everyone's maximum enjoyment of the game. Community fostering and maintenance are key aspects to gaming, and something we tend to just take for granted when we're lucky enough to have a happy and functional gaming community.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

Sure, or else this one https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/219388-discussion-time-handling-the-loss/

They are all very closely related.

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

Sure, or else this one https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/219388-discussion-time-handling-the-loss/

They are all very closely related.

Hmmmmm... The plot tickens.

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

Sure, or else this one https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/219388-discussion-time-handling-the-loss/

They are all very closely related.

Hmmmmm... The plot tickens.

It is no secret that I am a horrible opponent

Sometimes it has to be remembered that in the end it is just a game. That isn't always easy. Regardless some people are very invested in their game experience and have to remember that not everyone else is so concerned with the outcome of each battle. They also probably have not spent as much time looking into the little tricks and combos that make for a really competative list.

Anyway, even in a competition setting, most people are not taking it anywhere near as serious as the hard invested player. So reactions to losses or in game screw ups may seem blown out of proportion to your average gamer, simply due to the level of time one has invested in their game experience. Sometimes you just gotta roll the hard 6 and bite your tongue. Also remember that players make mistakes, and they will be far happier to play an opponent that lets little things slide here or there then a person that won't budge.

...just be happy you have a community?

Yes, my current 2 person (occasionally 3/4) meta looks on in envy.

Difficult situation though, I feel ya, sometimes you just gotta say something.

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

Sure, or else this one https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/219388-discussion-time-handling-the-loss/

They are all very closely related.

Hmmmmm... The plot tickens.

Huh, seems like a giant conspiracy where one does not lay.

It is no secret that I am a horrible opponent

Don't read too much into it, it's a quote from 'Kill Bill 2'

...

So you don't deny that this thread is also about you?

This strikes me as clearly Lyraeus posting about Lyraeus, otherwise it makes no sense.

Sooo... basically a continuation of this thread... https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/222931-discussion-time-opponent-refusing-to-play-you/

Sure, or else this one https://community.fantasyflightgames.com/topic/219388-discussion-time-handling-the-loss/

They are all very closely related.

Hmmmmm... The plot tickens.

Huh, seems like a giant conspiracy where one does not lay.

It is no secret that I am a horrible opponent

Don't read too much into it, it's a quote from 'Kill Bill 2'

...

So you don't deny that this thread is also about you?

I did not want this to be about me. I wanted how to handle the situation so I can look for a solution

Sorry for holding you back, guys. I'll go now. /slipsontheONEring

Sorry for holding you back, guys. I'll go now. /slipsontheONEring

... Now that shoddy little bastard is gone...

If people have gotten to the point of saying they will not attend events if you will be attending, then you've passed the point of fixing the issue in the short term.

You have to recognize that multiple (otherwise reasonable) people boycotting events on your account is the nuclear option. It is likely not a course of action reached lightly and not likely the first attempt at fixing the situation.

If another, again otherwise reasonable, person can say you check off all but one item on a list of things problem players do, then you need to take a break from the game. In the short term no amount of you saying you'll do better is going to change the minds of people that have gone so far as to say I'd rather not play at all then have to possibly play you. Take some time off and maybe even get some professional input on how to remedy your behavior.

Regardless of the reasons why you have to understand that no person is obligated to let you negatively impact their free time. Even the most empathetic and compassionate person is eventually going to reach their limit, even if they understand your behavior stems from other issues.

If these players reasons for taking this stance are unreasonable, then find a new place to play. But if these players are otherwise reasonable people with legitimate issue with your behavior, then take some time away from the game. Given the number of threads you've personally made about your play behavior I have to lean towards the later being the truth of the matter.

Unless you've been cheating time away will likely result in your playgroup given you another chance. At least it is more likely to do so then any other option.