This is an example of what people are trying to explain to you. If someone isn't asking you specifically for advice, don't give it. It is very easy to come across as condescending if you do.

As for your MC80, a trick is to go speed 2 and got 1 click towards the board center and click at 2 to go 1 towards the more edge. Oh and deploy the MC80 about distance 1 or so from the board edge, you should have no more problems.

Ehhhh.

I mean if you're always correcting someones play, that's one thing. Potato was describing an issue he had in a game to Lyraeus. Lyr is more than okay just giving him a small tidbit. I don't really see that as condescending. And I'm an expert on condescending...

Though if I may offer some experience on giving advice. People have said this already, but now I can give an example.

Moderation of unsolicited advice is key. You should be scarce with it directly proportionate to how close you are to the individual. If you guys have just met, just keep quiet on the advice unless asked. It's the safest bet. To an acquaintance, you can sprinkle some tidbits of knowledge their way with care, when it's appropriate. Friends, more. Close friends, even more.. Your spouse... well if my wife is any indication, there's apparently no limit of unsolicited advice for spouses.

If you aren't sure, it's all in how you phrase the advice. I know, given that you have been upfront about your Aspergers, this might be difficult for you to experience fully. Reading people and social interactions is not easy from the getgo, and you have an extra challenge thrown in on that to boot.

A good rule of thumb for phrasing advice is to phrase advice toward everybody and also phrasing advice with the caveat that you aren't sure if they even need this advice. This works pretty well on forums and in groups of people when someone is talking about their game. So like you could say "Hey, not sure if you guys knew this, but I discovered if you put your large ships at distance 1 of an edge, you'll have just enough room to turn them without their asses popping off".

It's let's abrasive. Obviously, you have to use it sparingly still, or you sound like you're reading from a script. Lol

Some players like to "play with their mates", others like to play RAW. Some players don't like to be reminded that they don't fully have a grasp of the game yet, some players probably don't like that fact rubbed in their faces.

I'll tell you what I hate...I hate that player who asks you what you are doing on every friggin thing I do, and then respond with 'Oh, ya, that's fine', like he's giving me permission or blessing off what I'm doing. Sometimes I think to myself 'Please stfu'. Lol, no, I lie, I just come right out and tell them to stfu. We all have our little pet peaves. The above is just ONE of mine. I'm sure people hate playing me as well, ya know, with my devilishly good looks and dead sexy charisma! Add to that my wicked awesome accent. ****. Actually, after saying it, I sound like a pretty fkin sweet dude to play with.

Oh, and you can't spell Sassy without ass. /wink

So, this is a tough situation. I will say, Lyr, that the fact you started this thread and are having this conversation shows a self awareness that a lot of gamers in my area (on the spectrum or not) completely lack. And unless you've had multiple people tell you they don't want to play with you, don't assume it's everyone. There were two guys in my group that I enjoyed playing with, but they hated playing each other. Seriously. Two grown men with kids almost came to blows over a game, and have since refused to play against each other ever again. That was eight years ago. Both of them play other people without issue, though, so it's just a mix of personalities and play styles. It may be just that you and that one person don't mix.

Honestly, this may be something you just have to accept. You ultimately have two choices: change the way you play or be comfortable with the fact that some people don't like the way you play. We can make recommendations and observations all day, but if your brain's wiring doesn't let you relax your personal play style for non-competitive situations, then you only have the one other option. And that's fine. It doesn't seem like this is a widespread problem, but one person who may not enjoy playing you for one of a dozen reasons. "You're too competitive" is too vague to be of any use, but given Mikael's input and your own observations, it might just be that one person doesn't care much about the rules and views a stricter adherence to them as "competitive." Which is fine for him in a casual setting.

Some players like to "play with their mates", others like to play RAW. Some players don't like to be reminded that they don't fully have a grasp of the game yet, some players probably don't like that fact rubbed in their faces.

I'll tell you what I hate...I hate that player who asks you what you are doing on every friggin thing I do, and then respond with 'Oh, ya, that's fine', like he's giving me permission or blessing off what I'm doing. Sometimes I think to myself 'Please stfu'. Lol, no, I lie, I just come right out and tell them to stfu. We all have our little pet peaves. The above is just ONE of mine. I'm sure people hate playing me as well, ya know, with my devilishly good looks and dead sexy charisma! Add to that my wicked awesome accent. ****. Actually, after saying it, I sound like a pretty fkin sweet dude to play with.

Oh, and you can't spell Sassy without ass. /wink

Oh Lord of tubs. They probably hate that they models feel like they were soaked in warm soapy water ^_~

Just teasing.

Valid points. I find that people ask what you are doing when they don't understand your strategy. For me I muse. I will mumble things to myself or even just stay quiet as I analyze your possible goals.

This is an example of what people are trying to explain to you. If someone isn't asking you specifically for advice, don't give it. It is very easy to come across as condescending if you do.

As for your MC80, a trick is to go speed 2 and got 1 click towards the board center and click at 2 to go 1 towards the more edge. Oh and deploy the MC80 about distance 1 or so from the board edge, you should have no more problems.

Event random advice on an issue he stated he was bad at?

I am not sure how I was condescending with that advice. It was a pretty straight forward observation with a trick I found useful

Asking is also nice. If I feel like advice might be helpful, I try to be friendly and say something like, "Hey, would you like my perspective on this?" If they say no, then no worries, but most of the time they say yes, and I word it not as like an absolute, necessary way to win, but more of like, "Hey, in my experience doing XXX has worked when I have been in your situation." Most of the time this is appreciated.

Part of the fun in this game for me was figuring out on my own how to get better at the game in my own way, and that comes from making your own mistakes. Advice can be helpful, but the way you do things is also not the only way to play well. So some people may not want the advice at all.

Cal's advice be like. "Hey Wu, want my advice." "yeah sure." "Be less terrible."

So, this is a tough situation. I will say, Lyr, that the fact you started this thread and are having this conversation shows a self awareness that a lot of gamers in my area (on the spectrum or not) completely lack. And unless you've had multiple people tell you they don't want to play with you, don't assume it's everyone. There were two guys in my group that I enjoyed playing with, but they hated playing each other. Seriously. Two grown men with kids almost came to blows over a game, and have since refused to play against each other ever again. That was eight years ago. Both of them play other people without issue, though, so it's just a mix of personalities and play styles. It may be just that you and that one person don't mix.

Honestly, this may be something you just have to accept. You ultimately have two choices: change the way you play or be comfortable with the fact that some people don't like the way you play. We can make recommendations and observations all day, but if your brain's wiring doesn't let you relax your personal play style for non-competitive situations, then you only have the one other option. And that's fine. It doesn't seem like this is a widespread problem, but one person who may not enjoy playing you for one of a dozen reasons. "You're too competitive" is too vague to be of any use, but given Mikael's input and your own observations, it might just be that one person doesn't care much about the rules and views a stricter adherence to them as "competitive." Which is fine for him in a casual setting.

Thank you! Normally I just blasted on here for starting silly discussions like this but it is all for the hopes of learning angle growing as a player, and who knows, this could actually helps some people out who have a desire to learn from others mistakes.

I think Mikael Hasselstein explained how I play pretty well. I am key on the rules bit that is because I want a fair game. I don't want either players playing a different game.

I don't know how many times in 40k I had people just slightly tweak a rule or move their units haphazardly giving them that slight edge. Sometimes it was unintentionally done but if you do that enough time it can lead to an advantage for you, while I would be stuck byy desire to play by the rules and thus suffer.

In the end we would be playing two different games. They would be playing their version of 40k with loosey goosey rules and I would be trying to play by the actual rules.

Thankfully, there are nor many things that can be loosey goosey in Armada. Why just Friday, during a demo we had a few shots that looked iffy on range so I gave my opponent the benefits what ever was in question. I was fine with that. Things like that to me are acceptable since we are in agreement of what is occurring. However if someone is unintentionally using a super loose range ruler or is moving squadrons a bit to far every turn, I will call you on that.

Asking is also nice. If I feel like advice might be helpful, I try to be friendly and say something like, "Hey, would you like my perspective on this?" If they say no, then no worries, but most of the time they say yes, and I word it not as like an absolute, necessary way to win, but more of like, "Hey, in my experience doing XXX has worked when I have been in your situation." Most of the time this is appreciated.

Part of the fun in this game for me was figuring out on my own how to get better at the game in my own way, and that comes from making your own mistakes. Advice can be helpful, but the way you do things is also not the only way to play well. So some people may not want the advice at all.

I agree with all of this.

Around here, I'm the guy that introduce players to X-Wing or Armada and run the tournaments. I'm far from being the best, but people tend to look to me for advice. So when I play a game, I wait for the other player to ask before giving an advice. If I feel like I could help the other player, I will ask if he wants my opinion in the first place. Some people like having advice, some don't. But I never impose mine on anyone.

Since I'm building the community, I must make sure that everyone is having a good time while playing. It is imperative that my opponent know that I am having a good time and that he's a part of it, that you are currently sharing a moment. It means laughing at your own mistakes or bad luck (not in a cursing dice manner as if you're losing only because of it, but more like insulting your own gunnery team and demoting them as soon as the game is finished), congratulating some of your opponent moves (even if you saw it coming, a 'nice move!' here and there can help set a more casual feeling) or good luck (like naming a squadron that had a couple good shot or just dodge a couple shot in a row, like 'Aww man! That A-Wing is untouchable, that must be Tycho!'). Just whistle the Imperial March while thinking about your next move, instead of just stand there silently. The theme is strong in this game, use it to make every casual game a unique experience. But more importantly, especially during a casual game, you must show to your opponent that he is more important than the game: that you could be taking a beer together, so might as well also play X-Wing or Armada.

Talk to your opponent, don't just stand there talking to yourself, planning your next move and speaking only to give advice on what you would have done in his place, because unless your opponent is specifically looking to test a tournament build or improving his skill, he won't have a good time. There is nothing worst while playing casually than playing against a wall for 2-3 hours. I expect that in a tournament, not on a friday night.

Cal's advice be like. "Hey Wu, want my advice." "yeah sure." "Be less terrible."

Well. . .have you taken that advice?

@Lyr - It's tough, man. Right now we're running a beginner league, and at the start of it I was the most experienced player. Not necessarily the best, but the most knowledgeable. So it was a difficult call for me on when to give advice, how much to give, how to enforce the rules, etc. Now, I will say that our brains work in very different ways. I often struggle with staying focused on the game and strategy, and it takes me a while to optimize a list. But empathy is probably my greatest strength, so I can read body language and social cues very well, and can easily get a feel for how my opponent might take unsolicited advice or how strictly they want to adhere to the rules in that moment. And another difficulty is how fluid the situations are. I've found myself starting out a game with some consequence (league or tournament) very relaxed, but as the game comes to a turning point, might get a little antsy. And I have to fight against myself sometimes.

Overall, when and how to give advice is a very, very hard thing. I don't want my opponent to feel like I'm putting down their knowledge of the game or trying to establish myself as superior. But I also don't want them to make a very obvious, very painful mistake and lose because of it. My general rule of thumb, which I'm very flexible about, is this:

If I see a mistake that appears to be from forgetfulness or lack of game knowledge, I'll point it out. Things like this would be forgetting to use an upgrade (like Intel Officer or TRCs), making a hard turn maneuver to get out of firing range and forgetting that extra click/speed change from a Nav command, etc. I've kicked myself too many times after games because I simply forgot something that would have made a serious difference (I played an entire tournament and forgot about my XI-7s until the third game, and it would have definitely made a difference in the second one). And if they are intentionally not using it, they'll tell me, and from that I can generally gain insight into how they feel about unsolicited advice and determine whether to make similar comments in the future.

If I see something that's more of a choice or a tactical error, I'll let it be. This includes squadron placement, maneuvering a certain way, etc. That I consider to be part of the game's learning curve, and not allowing someone to make those decisions themselves (however big a mistake it may be) can be perceived as condescending or taking control away from the player.

I also adhere to Tolkien's description of elves, "Ask not the elves for advice, for they will say both no and yes." I never tell someone what they should do, only what they could do. I don't play the game for them, but if they ask, I want them to be aware of all of their possibilities. And I'll definitely give them pros and cons, "If you move here, you have a better shot at this ship, but moving here means you're less exposed to return fire." That sort of thing. And this is, of course, if they ask. Or if I see them thinking hard about something, I'll try to start a dialogue. Even a simple, "What's up?," or something like that. If they don't want advice, they'll let you know.

And, of course, this might not be super helpful. As I said, our brains work in different ways, and reading people is what I do.

Imo let people figure out their own stuff. If they want advice they can ask for it. I generally try to avoid unsolicited advice unless I see an obvious mistake, and then its prefaced with "Would would mind if I gave you a little tip?" I don't want to hurt them so I just give them the tip if they want it. Have to be gentle with people's ego's you know, don't want to force more info down their throat then they can handle.

Red Castle, I never thought of such thematic ways to ease that tension, and those all sound awesome. Might have to steal a few of those and try it out.

I've only come across one player that I wouldn't want to play against and that was because he behaved like a toddler throughout the game.

I'm happy to play strictly to the rules or a more relaxed game depending on my opponent and the situation, if its a tournament or a pick up against someone I do not know then I will keep my play strictly to the rules so that both players know where they stand. If I'm playing someone who wants a less structured game or that is learning I'm happy to adjust play as necessary.

I will say that I have never had this happen to me, one time though I was playing in a torny for X-wing in the local group which a ton of not local people showed up. One of my buddies said a person I was going to be playing next was cheating (they did some weird things that made me questionable), so I took a low road and treated the person like poorly, I regret that (because I wanted justice more then to have fun,). for the rest of the day people treated me differently from that group and would not chat with me like before hand, I went cold in my rolling at that game so I reacted very poorly to both. I was that jerk that day but no more. If someone refuses to play you just don't think to much if in a torney let the TO know and for fun just say ok and move on. Unless a stated beef is said nothing much you can do about it, just try not to let it go to your head, and try to be a better person going forward.

One thing to also consider is that your behavior during tournaments can still influence whether someone might wish to play you on a casual game night. My wife is big into theater and tells me that whenever you are around the theater you are "always auditioning". People notice your behavior and form opinions about the kind of player you in all play situations.

You had another thread about "handling the loss" after the Vancouver regional and I think this is related to that. When this player said that you were too competitive, I think they may have meant that you get too invested in your games. But that's just a guess.

Here's what I observed at that regional. During your second match, you were winning big. You were really excited about that as you really wanted to do well in the tournament. Well, your opponent was not having a good time. (This was even before he got a phone call about a sick kid). You were excited enough that you were being loud about how well you were doing. So people looked at your table. What they saw was you celebrating your win in front of an opponent that looked totally defeated. Jon's body language was saying that he was not having any fun. While it wasn't your intention, it appeared that you were totally gloating and rubbing it in. It looked bad.

In fact, it looked bad enough to me that I had to look at the sportsmanship section of the tournament rules to decide if I should give you an official warning. I know you were just excited about doing well but your lack of awareness of your opponent's feelings made you look like a jerk. People remember that kind of thing.

In the next game, you made an error and lost badly. You then switched to being loud about losing. In this case your opponent was very gracious and tried to encourage you. Again, you were loud enough to draw the attention of other players. They saw your opponent being nice and you complaining. It looked bad. I did not see you give Chris credit for playing a good game. Yes you made a mistake, but he played really well also.

So, in a very public couple of games, you gave the impression that if someone plays you that you might rub it in when you win and complain when you lose.

I know that you were really invested in that regional. That you really wanted to win and it influenced your behavior. I also know from playing you that you do not typically behave that way during games, but fair or not it makes an impression. People remember.

If possible remember how you felt in your last game at that tournament. Imagine if Chris had been as excited about winning as you were in your second game and had been loudly demonstrating that excitement. I don't expect you would have enjoyed the experience.

I don't know how good you are at reading body language, but it is important. If your opponent makes an error and you correct them, pay attention to how they react. If it appears to impact them, then you need to dial it back.

It's also good to have fun and celebrate success, but you can't do that at the expense of your opponent. Even when you are winning you have to look at your opponents reactions. If they are having a bad time, try to use your positive energy to encourage them.

I really debated sharing this, but you seem invested in improving this situation. I felt it was important for you to know the impression you made that day.

Being a member of the scene-in-question here, I'm acquainted with what's been going on. I've not been sure how to throw in my two cents' worth, but I think Dras has one of the best pieces of advice in the thread so far.

Like yours, Lyraeus' brain works in magnificent ways that are useful for the game - not infallibly so, but still very impressive. That's his brain's gift. It comes at the cost of knowing how to socialize well.

In terms of #6, that's not a problem unless things are going sideways for him. Barring that, Lyraeus is fairly hyperactive at the gaming table. That relates to #2, which does tend to have an unnerving effect - especially because he's also an advocate for psychological manipulation (see here). There's a fairly constant stream of advice and criticism. On the one hand, it can be valuable (though, again, he's not infallible), but sometimes absolute mastery of the game is not the goal. Just having a low-pressure game to enjoy a Friday evening is the goal.

There's certainly more to what the person in question meant by "competitive" than the fact that Lyraeus is a very strong opponent. He told me that it was more about Lyraeus' constant pointing out of the rules. He probably didn't get that any less from me than he would have received from Lyraeus had they played, but I do think that I package it is a slightly softer way. (Starting off any comments with something brotherly like: "Hey man, I'm not sure that..." or turning things into questions rather than accusations: "Is that the way the rule works? I'm not really sure..." even when I know that I know it right.) It reduces the confrontational aspect, and puts us at more of a level, rather than at what comes across as a power distance.

Hmmm why do I suddenly feel like Julius Ceasar. . . Like it is for the good of the game. . .

Oh, come, we're not all whipping out our knives to engage in a gang stabbing.

::quickly sheaths knife and backs away....::

One thing to also consider is that your behavior during tournaments can still influence whether someone might wish to play you on a casual game night. My wife is big into theater and tells me that whenever you are around the theater you are "always auditioning". People notice your behavior and form opinions about the kind of player you in all play situations.

You had another thread about "handling the loss" after the Vancouver regional and I think this is related to that. When this player said that you were too competitive, I think they may have meant that you get too invested in your games. But that's just a guess.

Here's what I observed at that regional. During your second match, you were winning big. You were really excited about that as you really wanted to do well in the tournament. Well, your opponent was not having a good time. (This was even before he got a phone call about a sick kid). You were excited enough that you were being loud about how well you were doing. So people looked at your table. What they saw was you celebrating your win in front of an opponent that looked totally defeated. Jon's body language was saying that he was not having any fun. While it wasn't your intention, it appeared that you were totally gloating and rubbing it in. It looked bad.

In fact, it looked bad enough to me that I had to look at the sportsmanship section of the tournament rules to decide if I should give you an official warning. I know you were just excited about doing well but your lack of awareness of your opponent's feelings made you look like a jerk. People remember that kind of thing.

In the next game, you made an error and lost badly. You then switched to being loud about losing. In this case your opponent was very gracious and tried to encourage you. Again, you were loud enough to draw the attention of other players. They saw your opponent being nice and you complaining. It looked bad. I did not see you give Chris credit for playing a good game. Yes you made a mistake, but he played really well also.

So, in a very public couple of games, you gave the impression that if someone plays you that you might rub it in when you win and complain when you lose.

I know that you were really invested in that regional. That you really wanted to win and it influenced your behavior. I also know from playing you that you do not typically behave that way during games, but fair or not it makes an impression. People remember.

If possible remember how you felt in your last game at that tournament. Imagine if Chris had been as excited about winning as you were in your second game and had been loudly demonstrating that excitement. I don't expect you would have enjoyed the experience.

I don't know how good you are at reading body language, but it is important. If your opponent makes an error and you correct them, pay attention to how they react. If it appears to impact them, then you need to dial it back.

It's also good to have fun and celebrate success, but you can't do that at the expense of your opponent. Even when you are winning you have to look at your opponents reactions. If they are having a bad time, try to use your positive energy to encourage them.

I really debated sharing this, but you seem invested in improving this situation. I felt it was important for you to know the impression you made that day.

So you did not hear the conversation with Iskander4000 before that where I asked him if he was ok and he told me to focus on the game?

I will have to talk to him, but Iskander4000 is pretty open about his feelings.... Hmmmm

As for the third game. That is a culmination. I had pointed out Jaina's Light in the beginning, vocally noted that it ignores Monfferat, and when it came to that attack from Jaina's Light to Monfferat with the subsequent backtrack, I lost my place and got caught up in that backtrack. This led me to forget Jaina's Light and miss the fact that she ignores it. My gut reaction was that something was wrong and by the time I figured it out that situation caused me to spiral and get upset.

In the future Shmitty, I recommend that you check over the situation fully and not make snap judgements. Players can get engrossed and forget something like that and it can ruin their trains of thought. Do what they do in Card Game tournaments, check the cards associated not just interactions, or at the very least have the players list what is with that ship.

Don't debate on sharing things.if you want someone to fix something, you have to point out the mistake. Now while I am a bit upset over that situation still, it is a learning experience. Now I have something to add to my check list and what I state to my opponent.

Being a member of the scene-in-question here, I'm acquainted with what's been going on. I've not been sure how to throw in my two cents' worth, but I think Dras has one of the best pieces of advice in the thread so far.

Like yours, Lyraeus' brain works in magnificent ways that are useful for the game - not infallibly so, but still very impressive. That's his brain's gift. It comes at the cost of knowing how to socialize well.

In terms of #6, that's not a problem unless things are going sideways for him. Barring that, Lyraeus is fairly hyperactive at the gaming table. That relates to #2, which does tend to have an unnerving effect - especially because he's also an advocate for psychological manipulation (see here). There's a fairly constant stream of advice and criticism. On the one hand, it can be valuable (though, again, he's not infallible), but sometimes absolute mastery of the game is not the goal. Just having a low-pressure game to enjoy a Friday evening is the goal.

There's certainly more to what the person in question meant by "competitive" than the fact that Lyraeus is a very strong opponent. He told me that it was more about Lyraeus' constant pointing out of the rules. He probably didn't get that any less from me than he would have received from Lyraeus had they played, but I do think that I package it is a slightly softer way. (Starting off any comments with something brotherly like: "Hey man, I'm not sure that..." or turning things into questions rather than accusations: "Is that the way the rule works? I'm not really sure..." even when I know that I know it right.) It reduces the confrontational aspect, and puts us at more of a level, rather than at what comes across as a power distance.

Hmmm why do I suddenly feel like Julius Ceasar. . . Like it is for the good of the game. . .

Oh, come, we're not all whipping out our knives to engage in a gang stabbing.

::quickly sheaths knife and backs away....::

The other 3 were feeling a bit lonely ^_~

A couple of rules of thumb for giving advice without being condescending:

- Ask if the advice is welcome

- If the advice is welcome, pose it in the form of a question that helps the person learn WHY it's good advice rather than force feeding them your opinion regardless of how correct it is

- If the other person comes to a slightly different conclusion, thats fine, praise the initiative and review the outcome

Person will feel like they learned something themselves, and not like some entitled tool just tried to tell them how to play.

Example:

"Hey, before you slot that tool can I ask you something?"

"Um, sure"

"you might want to avoid moving your ship into 3 overlapping fields of fire, maybe there is another course you can set that won't get you toasted?"

"Oh yeah, you might be right" -slots slightly less bad course

"Yeah, that's probably better, but notice you are still in 2 fields of fire? I wonder if you had added a click on the first joint rather than the last if you would have arc dodged a little better?"

being a good teacher is tough because to do it right you have to eat your own ego. Yeah your advice is probably correct, yeah, you could probably suggest the absolute best move, but it's tough to do that without asserting an intrinsic superiority and by extension a sense of condescension. If framed as a joint learning experience you cede the superiority allowing an exchange of information that doesn't make the other person feel like they are being herded to a conclusion, and sometimes, people have perfectly good reasons for doing apparently sub-optimal things and if you ask them about it instead of telling them they are wrong you can avoid appearing like a tool.

One thing to also consider is that your behavior during tournaments can still influence whether someone might wish to play you on a casual game night. My wife is big into theater and tells me that whenever you are around the theater you are "always auditioning". People notice your behavior and form opinions about the kind of player you in all play situations.

You had another thread about "handling the loss" after the Vancouver regional and I think this is related to that. When this player said that you were too competitive, I think they may have meant that you get too invested in your games. But that's just a guess.

Here's what I observed at that regional. During your second match, you were winning big. You were really excited about that as you really wanted to do well in the tournament. Well, your opponent was not having a good time. (This was even before he got a phone call about a sick kid). You were excited enough that you were being loud about how well you were doing. So people looked at your table. What they saw was you celebrating your win in front of an opponent that looked totally defeated. Jon's body language was saying that he was not having any fun. While it wasn't your intention, it appeared that you were totally gloating and rubbing it in. It looked bad.

In fact, it looked bad enough to me that I had to look at the sportsmanship section of the tournament rules to decide if I should give you an official warning. I know you were just excited about doing well but your lack of awareness of your opponent's feelings made you look like a jerk. People remember that kind of thing.

In the next game, you made an error and lost badly. You then switched to being loud about losing. In this case your opponent was very gracious and tried to encourage you. Again, you were loud enough to draw the attention of other players. They saw your opponent being nice and you complaining. It looked bad. I did not see you give Chris credit for playing a good game. Yes you made a mistake, but he played really well also.

So, in a very public couple of games, you gave the impression that if someone plays you that you might rub it in when you win and complain when you lose.

I know that you were really invested in that regional. That you really wanted to win and it influenced your behavior. I also know from playing you that you do not typically behave that way during games, but fair or not it makes an impression. People remember.

If possible remember how you felt in your last game at that tournament. Imagine if Chris had been as excited about winning as you were in your second game and had been loudly demonstrating that excitement. I don't expect you would have enjoyed the experience.

I don't know how good you are at reading body language, but it is important. If your opponent makes an error and you correct them, pay attention to how they react. If it appears to impact them, then you need to dial it back.

It's also good to have fun and celebrate success, but you can't do that at the expense of your opponent. Even when you are winning you have to look at your opponents reactions. If they are having a bad time, try to use your positive energy to encourage them.

I really debated sharing this, but you seem invested in improving this situation. I felt it was important for you to know the impression you made that day.

So you did not hear the conversation with Iskander4000 before that where I asked him if he was ok and he told me to focus on the game?

I will have to talk to him, but Iskander4000 is pretty open about his feelings.... Hmmmm

As for the third game. That is a culmination. I had pointed out Jaina's Light in the beginning, vocally noted that it ignores Monfferat, and when it came to that attack from Jaina's Light to Monfferat with the subsequent backtrack, I lost my place and got caught up in that backtrack. This led me to forget Jaina's Light and miss the fact that she ignores it. My gut reaction was that something was wrong and by the time I figured it out that situation caused me to spiral and get upset.

In the future Shmitty, I recommend that you check over the situation fully and not make snap judgements. Players can get engrossed and forget something like that and it can ruin their trains of thought. Do what they do in Card Game tournaments, check the cards associated not just interactions, or at the very least have the players list what is with that ship.

Don't debate on sharing things.if you want someone to fix something, you have to point out the mistake. Now while I am a bit upset over that situation still, it is a learning experience. Now I have something to add to my check list and what I state to my opponent.

I talked with Jon after your game and he was fine, so I just moved on. I also understand why you were upset in that 3rd game. I only brought it up to let you know that others may have perceived those games poorly from the outside. I thought it might help to have that perspective.

One thing to also consider is that your behavior during tournaments can still influence whether someone might wish to play you on a casual game night. My wife is big into theater and tells me that whenever you are around the theater you are "always auditioning". People notice your behavior and form opinions about the kind of player you in all play situations.

You had another thread about "handling the loss" after the Vancouver regional and I think this is related to that. When this player said that you were too competitive, I think they may have meant that you get too invested in your games. But that's just a guess.

[...]

So, in a very public couple of games, you gave the impression that if someone plays you that you might rub it in when you win and complain when you lose.

[...]

It's also good to have fun and celebrate success, but you can't do that at the expense of your opponent. Even when you are winning you have to look at your opponents reactions. If they are having a bad time, try to use your positive energy to encourage them.

...

So you did not hear the conversation with Iskander4000 before that where I asked him if he was ok and he told me to focus on the game?

I will have to talk to him, but Iskander4000 is pretty open about his feelings.... Hmmmm

[...]

In the future Shmitty, I recommend that you check over the situation fully and not make snap judgements. Players can get engrossed and forget something like that and it can ruin their trains of thought. Do what they do in Card Game tournaments, check the cards associated not just interactions, or at the very least have the players list what is with that ship.

Don't debate on sharing things.if you want someone to fix something, you have to point out the mistake. Now while I am a bit upset over that situation still, it is a learning experience. Now I have something to add to my check list and what I state to my opponent.

Lyr, what shmitty heard or did not hear about that conversation is entirely beside the point. It's what all of the rest of the Regionals participants experienced.

The player who refused to play you on Friday was a participant there too. He doubtlessly has as little complete information as shmitty or I do - probably less still, because shmitty was the TO, and I was at the neighboring table (focusing on my own game). Your behavior at that tournament was atrocious, for which those who know you forgave you, because we understand what's going on. But other people - like the guy from Friday - have no reason to do so.

One thing to also consider is that your behavior during tournaments can still influence whether someone might wish to play you on a casual game night. My wife is big into theater and tells me that whenever you are around the theater you are "always auditioning". People notice your behavior and form opinions about the kind of player you in all play situations.

You had another thread about "handling the loss" after the Vancouver regional and I think this is related to that. When this player said that you were too competitive, I think they may have meant that you get too invested in your games. But that's just a guess.

Here's what I observed at that regional. During your second match, you were winning big. You were really excited about that as you really wanted to do well in the tournament. Well, your opponent was not having a good time. (This was even before he got a phone call about a sick kid). You were excited enough that you were being loud about how well you were doing. So people looked at your table. What they saw was you celebrating your win in front of an opponent that looked totally defeated. Jon's body language was saying that he was not having any fun. While it wasn't your intention, it appeared that you were totally gloating and rubbing it in. It looked bad.

In fact, it looked bad enough to me that I had to look at the sportsmanship section of the tournament rules to decide if I should give you an official warning. I know you were just excited about doing well but your lack of awareness of your opponent's feelings made you look like a jerk. People remember that kind of thing.

In the next game, you made an error and lost badly. You then switched to being loud about losing. In this case your opponent was very gracious and tried to encourage you. Again, you were loud enough to draw the attention of other players. They saw your opponent being nice and you complaining. It looked bad. I did not see you give Chris credit for playing a good game. Yes you made a mistake, but he played really well also.

So, in a very public couple of games, you gave the impression that if someone plays you that you might rub it in when you win and complain when you lose.

I know that you were really invested in that regional. That you really wanted to win and it influenced your behavior. I also know from playing you that you do not typically behave that way during games, but fair or not it makes an impression. People remember.

If possible remember how you felt in your last game at that tournament. Imagine if Chris had been as excited about winning as you were in your second game and had been loudly demonstrating that excitement. I don't expect you would have enjoyed the experience.

I don't know how good you are at reading body language, but it is important. If your opponent makes an error and you correct them, pay attention to how they react. If it appears to impact them, then you need to dial it back.

It's also good to have fun and celebrate success, but you can't do that at the expense of your opponent. Even when you are winning you have to look at your opponents reactions. If they are having a bad time, try to use your positive energy to encourage them.

I really debated sharing this, but you seem invested in improving this situation. I felt it was important for you to know the impression you made that day.

So you did not hear the conversation with Iskander4000 before that where I asked him if he was ok and he told me to focus on the game?

I will have to talk to him, but Iskander4000 is pretty open about his feelings.... Hmmmm

As for the third game. That is a culmination. I had pointed out Jaina's Light in the beginning, vocally noted that it ignores Monfferat, and when it came to that attack from Jaina's Light to Monfferat with the subsequent backtrack, I lost my place and got caught up in that backtrack. This led me to forget Jaina's Light and miss the fact that she ignores it. My gut reaction was that something was wrong and by the time I figured it out that situation caused me to spiral and get upset.

In the future Shmitty, I recommend that you check over the situation fully and not make snap judgements. Players can get engrossed and forget something like that and it can ruin their trains of thought. Do what they do in Card Game tournaments, check the cards associated not just interactions, or at the very least have the players list what is with that ship.

Don't debate on sharing things.if you want someone to fix something, you have to point out the mistake. Now while I am a bit upset over that situation still, it is a learning experience. Now I have something to add to my check list and what I state to my opponent.

I talked with Jon after your game and he was fine, so I just moved on. I also understand why you were upset in that 3rd game. I only brought it up to let you know that others may have perceived those games poorly from the outside. I thought it might help to have that perspective.

It always helps

I make so many mistakes socially that I am surprised I have lasted this long. Still so much to learn

Red Castle, I never thought of such thematic ways to ease that tension, and those all sound awesome. Might have to steal a few of those and try it out.

My rule of thumb is to never blame the dice, blame the pilot or the crew instead!

Since I'm kinda an ambassador of the game (being the one that promote it around here), i can't allow myself to get angry or show any kind of bad sportsmanship, you never know who's watching and getting pissed off will only hurt the image of the game. If for some reason I get too invested, I try to step back and remind myself that it is only a game and that my opponent doesn't have to deal with my bad mood. If I see someone getting angry, more often than not about dice, I'll also take a moment to remind them that they have no control over it, **** happens, and that it's only a game.