I tried to introduce Heralds to the Pizza & Sanity Cult, but in our last game, even with Hastur, the Terror Track never went up once. The King in Yellow got lost on the way to Arkham. This time, I was going to guarantee some Terror, so I included Innsmouth and, by luck of the draw, Abhoth.
We had set everything up and were about to wrap up prep with possession draws, when Pizza’s girlfriend—let’s call her Wings—suddenly decided she’d like to play. My first thought was, “Crap! First game with Innsmouth and a Herald???” But then, behind my panic, I heard Mageith laughing his ass off at me…so we got her a chair.
Luke (Pizza), Zoey (Me), Darrell (Zebra), and Mandy (Wings) vs. Abhoth. I gave Wings an extremely short pile to pick from—Mandy, Wilson, Carolyn, Jenny, Bob—to cut down on some confusion; she picked Mandy based on the picture (I think because she looked smarter). Both Pizza and Wings insisted that we just start playing, informing as we went; she promised she was a quick study. Turns out she was right: by the end, she attempted a crazy self-sacrificing plan that really might have worked.
Things got off to a great start, as the Terrible Experiment was the second Mythos card drawn. Since Zoey’s personal story involved much monster-killing, I was hoping to get to demonstrate combat for Wings first, but it was more important to start cleaning Miskatonic, and Mandy had a Yithian Rifle and a .45. She agreed to go kill the TE's Witch, and then let me borrow her Automatic to take on the rest of the Resistant monsters (since Zoey doesn’t care). It almost worked: I failed my Horror Check against the Star Vampire, after exhausting my Clues and Mandy’s ability (sometimes, you just aren’t supposed to win). Zoey had Delirium for the rest of the game...yeah, you would too, after that failure! Luke, fresh off some Clue-granting Dreamlands Encounters for an early Seal, joined me on Campus with his bulbous Sanity and Shrivelling Spell; he took the Star Vampire and I took the Deep One. Everyone with two Skills by Turn 3.
Everything proceeded somewhat normally for a while. Wings wanted to pick up everything on the board: “Can I get that?” “That’s just an Activity Marker, dear.” She went shopping and Clue gathering, then went to Innsmouth to kill things. Her other starting possession was the Military Motorcycle; coupled with a Speed Skill, Mandy was sitting on a comfortable Movement 5 / Evade 5. Zoey had to recover all my Clues from my horrifying Star Vampire encounter, and find me a couple more monsters to kill. Luke was looking for more Clues (and maybe a gun) while waiting for an Arkham Gate that didn’t have a Lloigor and Dark Young sitting on it (Unvisited Isle); all the Gates were in Innsmouth and Luke is no distance runner. Darrell wanted a Bank Loan to go shopping, and got himself a .357 Magnum and an Elder Sign. (Kinda perfect for his ABYSSMAL Story conditions.) He made the run to Devil Reef, while street-sweeping Mandy would be on hand to retrieve him.
Then everything went to hell. The Gates wouldn’t stop pummeling Innsmouth, and soon all the Children of Abhoth were out. An Environment decreased our movement (Luke may as well have been on a treadmill). Mandy couldn’t handle the cramping Innsmouth Streets, so Zoey grabbed her guns and money and waited for Darrell , passing her PS and becoming a menace in the Streets. One more surge finally raised the Terror Track by 2—it’s been a while since we’ve let Abhoth get out of control so quickly—and, unwilling to allow Martial Law, we went for two Blights. Yeesh…the Dean (so much for Luke’s early Seal) and Editor Doyle (like we didn’t have enough monsters).
Zoey gave up trying to close anything, and just started shooting anything that moved. When the towns are filled with Resistances/Immunities, Zoey is insanely effective. Luke and Mandy finally got their Seals, but neither one wanted to risk the monster carousel in Innsmouth. (Amusingly, out of the gaggle of monsters up there, only two made it into a vortex.) Poor Darrell, having lost his Retainer and now crippled by his failed PS, decided to play the Bank Loan game: he traded all his repossessable stuff to “Weapon X” Zoey, found a room at the Asylum in which to play with his Puzzle Box, and waited to default.
Interlude: Zebra’s favorite Investigator so far is probably Finn, who is immune to Bank Loans, and when you’re immune to something, you tend to forget how devastating it can actually be. Worse, because of our general collective ignorance of Bank Loans, Zebra blended all the Special Upkeep rolls together, and at some point, forgot that Loans activate on 1-3, instead of just 1. After some really good games on a personal Investigator level, Zebra’s karma finally ran out and danced on Darrell’s face. Welcome to Arkham.
So now Abhoth’s at 9, we’re down to three seals, and Mandy just failed her story, meaning one more Gate and it’s over. We can feel the impending doom…but not Wings. She’s never had the pleasure of an AH beatdown. (She has often noticed our lack of progress during previous games when she joins us for dinner breaks.) She’s still trying to win, bless her heart. She had just traded a Gate Trophy for Clues, and before any of us realized it, she had devised a plan: evade a Star Spawn and a Riot in the Merchant District Streets, evade a Lloigor and defeat a Warlock at the Unvisited Isle, then hop into the Gate with enough Clues to seal it.
And it would have worked too, if she was able to get past the Riot without digging into her Clues. The Riot damage would have knocked her unconscious, so she switched to Plan B. Her movement points still intact, she ran the other direction and went to the Silver Twilight Lodge for Clues. She ended up with a Membership, and took the shot that some Inner Sanctum Encounter could give us one more chance. Well, Carl Sanford gave her a free pass to anywhere, and there were a total of three Clues way out in the Innsmouth waters:
“I can get these Clues, and then that one, and that’s enough for a Seal.”
“But I’m not sure one of us can get to Falcon Point to extract you.”
“I can’t come back by myself?”
“…well…there are some Encounters that might bring you back.”
“Then I’ll do that.”
“But…it’s Devil Reef!”
“You have a better idea?” 
Off she went. Luke was ready to go offworld at the Black Cave. Darrell was ready to throw himself off a bridge, so he planned to crawl through Innsmouth to get Mandy a boat. Zoey settled on Mandy’s original plan and tried to sneak up to that Warlock, but every time she defeated a Riot, the Terror Track went up. When Sheriff Engle went insane, the full Outskirts auto-popped, and we had to poke the Herald AGAIN! Terror Track rose to 7.
Then, while lonely Mandy was stuck there, Devil Reef burst, and Abhoth goo spilled all over the place.
I had warned everyone a few turns ago that Abhoth had a major discarding attack, so it wasn’t a bad idea to start holding on to your stuff. Thus began logistics: who was best suited for the weapons we had, and how long could everybody last with the junk they had left. Luke and Zoey were Blessed, and Darrell was the only one without Clues or Trophies. So Zoey got a .45 and a .357 (and everyone’s cash), Luke had a Shrivelling and a Derringer, and Mandy used an Athame and the other .45. Darrell had one shot with a Petrifying Solution, let everyone else keep his useless junk (even Zoey’s Knife) so they could last longer, and took a swim in Abhoth at the end of Round 2. Even after losing all our Blessings, Abhoth only lasted to Round 4. I think it’s because we were loudly declaring we didn’t have a prayer of winning the whole time.
Final Score: 6, an all-time low, because of the high Terror Track, and Abhoth devouring all our trophies. And I had previously teased that Zebra’s failed Bank Loan was going to cost us a point! (Has anyone had a lower victory score?)
Pizza enjoyed Luke, but despises his Speed. I haven’t asked Zebra about Darrell, because I think Darrell is going to be blamed for everything that went wrong. (FFG, what the HELL were you thinking when you frakkin HARPOONED Darrell with that Story???) I’ve always dug Zoey, but then, I like combat and monster trophies. I do not think this cult will try Heralds again, not until our win ratio goes up, or maybe if we throw in a Guardian as well.
But the big win was getting Wings to play. She enjoyed her first game, not to mention performed spectacularly. She did just about everything one should experience: combat, shopping, upkeep sliding, sneaking, being offworld, sealing. She even pulled off a few bonuses, like a Lodge Membership and going to Devil Reef. We believe she will play again. 
? Also, no mention of Epic Battle.
Says the guy who NEVER uses Epic Battle. Unless something changed and you happened to find a copy of Kingsport hovering before you, hmmmm?