So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

So...what do you mean exactly? You dominated your first 2 games and lost bad round 3?

I got an 8-2 which put me at top table due to MOV, then got a 10-0 on a 3 ship Rieekan squadron list due to picking his Advanced Gunnery objective which was on his MC80 (which died hard), then lost to a 10-0 without killing a single ship. . . I didn't play my game that last one I played his and it cost me likely my only chance at world's.

You can still go to Worlds - the only thing that changes is that you don't have a spot reserved for you as a regional winner. With a regional win, FFG doesn't pay for your room/board/transport to the World Championship, all they do is hold a spot to ensure you don't have to sit around waiting for registration to open up, as they guarantee a spot for all their regional winners. I believe that is the only benefit they offer to their regional winners. So don't give up hope! Worlds is still within your grasp!

(please correct me if I'm wrong of course)

When Dorrin destroyed me on Vassal, it bothered me for ages. It wasnt that I'd lost, but the manner of it. I had no idea what I could have done to give myself even a slim chance.

Once I realised what my tactical play should have been it didnt seem so bad anymore.

As CNinj says the vassal group is really good and the games are always tough. I lose a LOT, but it never seems so bad because I normally understand why. Admittedly I severly handicap myself with my choice of lists.

I think that Rocmistro is saying what needs to be said on this issue (emphasized for effect):

I don't have any of that. I do t have a significant other, don't have much in. The way of friends and I am just plain depressed. I know what went wrong game but I feel like an utter failure. It was mine to lose and I lost. . .

Lyr: realize that neither your self worth or self esteem are tied to your proficiency, and more importantly, the outcome of this (or any other) game.

We all have our mental issues.

My mental issue of the day was that I couldn't remember what I needed to remember. For readers who weren't there, I forgot to place a squadron and nearly did so again in both of my following games, even when I was chanting "don't forget the place the last squadron" to myself.

It's quite annoying to have a short term memory that resembles a sieve. Thankfully, it's something that we can all laugh about, even if I'm starting to really worry about the state of my brain. Why laugh it off? Because I'm with friends, and we're playing games. Maybe it costs me the game (it nearly did), but so what? Obviously, it's more fun to win that to lose, but it's still a game.

The real problem here is that you're trying to make your prowess in this game silence your self-esteem issues. When it fails to do so, it kicks you in the nuts - hard. And even when you do win, it's not going to really solve your underlying issue. External validation is not a cure - it's a momentary band-aid, or - worse - a drug.

That is your real problem, and you can't find the answer to your issue in the game or here on this forum, unless someone here is a therapist. Even so, the forum is not the place to bring this question.

The smaller, but still noteworthy side-issue - a symptom of the above - is that you are allowing this to significantly affect your social environment. It was not fun watching and hearing you bemoan your loss. It took away from other people's enjoyment of their games. It was particularly a disservice to your opponent. EVEN IF the loss what your fault, rather than his brilliance that did you in, it is very poor sportsmanship to point that out. How would you like it if someone did that to you - throw a fit when you're winning a game?

I don't care if this is Worlds - if you are treating your opponent with that sort of disrespect, then you should examine your priorities. It may not seem to you like it's intended as disrespect, but it IS disrespect. The point of a game like this is not to master the intricate mechanics of plastic spaceships moving around on a mousepad, but to enjoy a common experience with people who love the same game you love. When you grouch it up, then you're making it un-enjoyable for the people in your environment.

We have talked about this issue before - in fact, we have been talking about it for as long as we've known one another. I think you need to work much harder to bring it under control.

I used to compete in martial arts competitions, when I got beat, I got literally beaten

What I learned from those beatings (apart from the fact that I suck at tournament fighting) is that you are your only real opponent. The only person that can truly beat you is yourself. You can lose, you can lose embarrassingly badly but as long as you don't beat yourself up you can't be truly beaten.

Also: humility. If you approach competition hungry but humble, if you stumble it's a short trip (both ways) and your victories are as easy on your opponents as your losses are to yourself.

Lyr: I think there are a bunch of people here who would be happy to be your friend and play vassal with you online.

I have some pretty brutally depressive thoughts that are based on the rest of my life situations that to me seem much worse than losses in games.

I've played Magic, Starcraft and Xwing at a casual competitive level, and all of those required to understand that losses occur very often.

Allow yourself to be unhappy about them, but focus on improving or looking forward to your next game.

Remember that it's just a game, even if it was a high-level event. There are far more important things in life. I was riding high today after my 10-0 first game and then getting pretty bummed when you were kicking my butt in game 2, and then I got the text from my wife that our daughter was in urgent care...and suddenly the tournament didn't seem quite so important. (She's fine by the way). You played really well in that game against me and deserved the 10-0, no doubt about it. Just remember to "fly casual" and play with the spirit of the game in mind. Know that your opponent is there to have fun more than anything else. My last game was against a fairly newer player and I let him correct some simple mistakes that didn't overall impact the outcome. I didn't go easy on him at all (I won 8-2) but not taking things so seriously led to us both having a really good time. I took 4th, my daughter is doing well, and it was a good day!

i had a similar mistake/loss at a Warhammer GT back in the day. Bugged me for a long time. Best thing i can say is resolve to learn from it and think if you can modify your plans in the future.

Try to focus less on the other games in the tourney and just work on the one in front of you, that helps me. I make fewer mistakes when I don't care how anyone else is doing.

You were flying pretty high in the second match when you were winning. Learning to stay more even through wins will help with the losses too.

Not tilting is difficult. With the likely event of Clontroper5 winning Takoma I don't have a way to go to world's so I have to wait and play for another year. Not having a game group to play hurts me. I get a game in maybe once a week and I am only as good as I am becuase I run through Tactics and scenarios in my head.

I just feel bad because I bungled that game. I wanted that prize. . . Wanted it. Badly

Dude, you're clearly an awesome player! Everybody has "that" day.

Yesterday, I had two 5-5 games which really irritated me. One I couldn't change due to slow play issues. The other I could've done different things. It happens. Can't play a perfect game every game!

As for worth....dude...your contribution to the hobby on here is huge! Plus organizing your local scene and producing fine videos!!! Don't let a single botched game get ya down. Take a day to mope...sure...drink an adult beverage...watch some tv...chill and then tomorrow, begin to think about what you learned in that game...

Life goes on man!

the more I lose the more I learn. I go over which one of 4 things did I lose to.

• was I out flow?
• did I make a mistake?
• bad match up
• DICE?

if it was one of the first 3 then I work out how to not let that happen again this helps to make me a better player. this helps me sleep at night

if it was 4 DICE and nothing else then I know my list and my tactics were not the problem some days DICE happens and if your losing sleep over dice then I cant help you

If your still losing sleep over it just think of someone who has it worse then you and you soon realise things could be a lot worse

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

I try to distract myself with tv/movie/web series, and I play other games that I am far more casual about (eg Game of Thro es LCG). I also take comfort in knowing others share my Armada blues.

I hope you can find comfort in this too, Lyr.

I think that Rocmistro is saying what needs to be said on this issue (emphasized for effect):

I don't have any of that. I do t have a significant other, don't have much in. The way of friends and I am just plain depressed. I know what went wrong game but I feel like an utter failure. It was mine to lose and I lost. . .

Lyr: realize that neither your self worth or self esteem are tied to your proficiency, and more importantly, the outcome of this (or any other) game.

We all have our mental issues.

My mental issue of the day was that I couldn't remember what I needed to remember. For readers who weren't there, I forgot to place a squadron and nearly did so again in both of my following games, even when I was chanting "don't forget the place the last squadron" to myself.

It's quite annoying to have a short term memory that resembles a sieve. Thankfully, it's something that we can all laugh about, even if I'm starting to really worry about the state of my brain. Why laugh it off? Because I'm with friends, and we're playing games. Maybe it costs me the game (it nearly did), but so what? Obviously, it's more fun to win that to lose, but it's still a game.

The real problem here is that you're trying to make your prowess in this game silence your self-esteem issues. When it fails to do so, it kicks you in the nuts - hard. And even when you do win, it's not going to really solve your underlying issue. External validation is not a cure - it's a momentary band-aid, or - worse - a drug.

That is your real problem, and you can't find the answer to your issue in the game or here on this forum, unless someone here is a therapist. Even so, the forum is not the place to bring this question.

The smaller, but still noteworthy side-issue - a symptom of the above - is that you are allowing this to significantly affect your social environment. It was not fun watching and hearing you bemoan your loss. It took away from other people's enjoyment of their games. It was particularly a disservice to your opponent. EVEN IF the loss what your fault, rather than his brilliance that did you in, it is very poor sportsmanship to point that out. How would you like it if someone did that to you - throw a fit when you're winning a game?

I don't care if this is Worlds - if you are treating your opponent with that sort of disrespect, then you should examine your priorities. It may not seem to you like it's intended as disrespect, but it IS disrespect. The point of a game like this is not to master the intricate mechanics of plastic spaceships moving around on a mousepad, but to enjoy a common experience with people who love the same game you love. When you grouch it up, then you're making it un-enjoyable for the people in your environment.

We have talked about this issue before - in fact, we have been talking about it for as long as we've known one another. I think you need to work much harder to bring it under control.

This is the tough love approach, and clearly you know Lyr. It's funny, Mikael, because I read this and recongized my own guilt in this very thing. I get moody and pissy sometimes when games go poorly. It's not just losing, though, it's losing in a specific way. In WHFB I used to go bonkers when my Ldr. 9 Beastlord (everyone else seemed to be able to muster ldr. 10 and/or unbreakable, ITP troops) would blow his big break test by 1 pt (even with banner). It drove me absolutely nuts. But you're right, such behavior robs my opponent of fun and is disrespectful. It's good to hear this comment from time to time, as I'm guilty of it.

We have talked about this issue before - in fact, we have been talking about it for as long as we've known one another. I think you need to work much harder to bring it under control.

This is the tough love approach, and clearly you know Lyr. It's funny, Mikael, because I read this and recongized my own guilt in this very thing. I get moody and pissy sometimes when games go poorly. It's not just losing, though, it's losing in a specific way. In WHFB I used to go bonkers when my Ldr. 9 Beastlord (everyone else seemed to be able to muster ldr. 10 and/or unbreakable, ITP troops) would blow his big break test by 1 pt (even with banner). It drove me absolutely nuts. But you're right, such behavior robs my opponent of fun and is disrespectful. It's good to hear this comment from time to time, as I'm guilty of it.

Indeed. I used to be his nemesis. Now he is mine.

When we started playing, back last summer, I was beating his tail pretty consistently. I flatter myself that this caused him to maniacally train himself to defeat me and become the Armada hegemon of the Portland area.

He's nearly succeeded in becoming that Portland/Vancouver hegemon. My efforts to thwart him involved using the Dark Side by loudly and overwhelmingly predicting his victories (see here) yesterday.

It appears that my mastery of the Dark Side was what defeated him. I was able to crush his ascendance and his soul without even facing him on the spacefield of battle yesterday. (Thank goodness - unfortunately I faced another, older, nemesis of mine, and she brutally defeated me. ****.)

Unfortunately, by wreaking such havoc on his soul and striking him down, he may become more powerful than I can possibly imagine. We'll just have to see if he becomes a paragon of the Light Side or if he is on the dark path that will forever dominate his destiny.

Seriously?

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

In all honestly, the way I cope with loss is recognizing that I played a good opponent and that my opponent had a good list. If you don't start from the presupposition that you are the best around (nothings gonna ever bring to down) it's a lot easier to cope when you lose a game or a tournament. This doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be better and you shouldn't analyze the loss, rework your list, etc.. It just means that if you start from a pumped position where you feel like the tournament is yours to win, then you're going to have a rude awakening when you realize there are other really good players in the world playing really good lists.

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

So...what do you mean exactly? You dominated your first 2 games and lost bad round 3?

I got an 8-2 which put me at top table due to MOV, then got a 10-0 on a 3 ship Rieekan squadron list due to picking his Advanced Gunnery objective which was on his MC80 (which died hard), then lost to a 10-0 without killing a single ship. . . I didn't play my game that last one I played his and it cost me likely my only chance at world's.

You can still go to Worlds - the only thing that changes is that you don't have a spot reserved for you as a regional winner. With a regional win, FFG doesn't pay for your room/board/transport to the World Championship, all they do is hold a spot to ensure you don't have to sit around waiting for registration to open up, as they guarantee a spot for all their regional winners. I believe that is the only benefit they offer to their regional winners. So don't give up hope! Worlds is still within your grasp!

(please correct me if I'm wrong of course)

It is disheartening. I will be playing at Takoma so let's see how I do there. I do expect clontroper5 to sweep the field though since those of us coming from Portland/Vancouver have no experience against his list. Closest we get to is Nabooboo's multi glad list.

More than any other game, my mistakes in Armada haunt me for days. Not sure why... might be because making the mistake in turn 3 means I now have to play for another hour (or maybe 3 in vassal ) and see it all horribly unfold in slow motion.

I try to distract myself with tv/movie/web series, and I play other games that I am far more casual about (eg Game of Thro es LCG). I also take comfort in knowing others share my Armada blues.

I hope you can find comfort in this too, Lyr.

I still tell people that story when they start out. I want them to know that the game can be unforgiving at times. It helps them understand the environment and understand that this game is far deeper than their list

Seriously?

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

I had hopped to use this thread for people to read and find ways to de-stress when they suffered a brutal loss but it has changed.

We can't just all quit when we have an issue. Sometimes the braver thing to do is to tough it out and endure the waves even if it is the hardest thing to do.

The best way to cope with a brutal loss is to just chill out more and not take the game so seriously. That's really the truth and it's what everyone has said. Drink a beer, watch some TV, play some games, and just bring yourself back down. Sooner or later the context of the loss will broaden and you'll realize that we're talking about plastic spaceships here.

Seriously?

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

Why not?

I had hopped to use this thread for people to read and find ways to de-stress when they suffered a brutal loss but it has changed.

We can't just all quit when we have an issue. Sometimes the braver thing to do is to tough it out and endure the waves even if it is the hardest thing to do.

You have to take a step back and read what you wrote. It definitely did not come across as you trying to help others but it came across as you venting that you lost and being a poor sport about it. I am not saying that was your intent but it most definitely sounded like that to me and obviously others whether you wanted it to or not.

It's rarely helpful to be accusatory when someone is asking for help, Overdawg, even if you catch them in the act of biased thinking. I think there's been some great advice on this thread already.

If I had any advice to give myself, it would be this. I've recently suffered a double bereavement, and I noticed myself going off the deep end into X-wing as a coping mechanism. Eventually, though, my use of the game as a distraction tool subsided and I'm feeling a lot happier. Doubling down on the mechanism that's helping you to cope with a problem isn't a great idea, I'd say, as it displaces your effort and care onto what is, ultimately, a proxy for your life. It makes that proxy unstably important, when the same care invested in your problems would reap rewards, and would also lead to a more relaxed, and hence enjoyable, experience with your chosen game.

Good luck

Seriously?

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

Why not?

I had hopped to use this thread for people to read and find ways to de-stress when they suffered a brutal loss but it has changed.

We can't just all quit when we have an issue. Sometimes the braver thing to do is to tough it out and endure the waves even if it is the hardest thing to do.

You have to take a step back and read what you wrote. It definitely did not come across as you trying to help others but it came across as you venting that you lost and being a poor sport about it. I am not saying that was your intent but it most definitely sounded like that to me and obviously others whether you wanted it to or not.

Francois chiming in.

I am arguably one of the very best losers at Armada.

I have only lost two games ever, but the first one prevented me from claiming Gencon 2015, the second one from claiming Worlds 2015.

And indeed, finishing 2nd at both these events made me feel very sad, even if my friends argued that I did well and that I could be happy of myself. (well, I think I actually was 3rd at Gencon by 8 points of MOV, but with a much higher strength of schedule)

But I am assuming these defeats - this is what I am, what I deserved from my play and preparation (with more or less impact of lady luck). This is part of me, both the good and the bad. Besides the real sadness of not fulfilling the goal I had preparing, traveling and competing, I think the most important still was to be elegant in defeat, to work so that both me and each of my opponents have a good memory of the game we played. That's who I want to be.

A thing I do to better cope is to diversify the games I play. For example, I like participating at 3-4 tournaments at these events, so that my whole big week-end is not ruined by a single misplay or bad roll.

A good thing too is the fact that there is not a single game I have lost in a tournament setting (in Armada or X-wing) where I did not do at least one big mistake, so all defeats have their lesson to provide.

It's rarely helpful to be accusatory when someone is asking for help, Overdawg, even if you catch them in the act of biased thinking. I think there's been some great advice on this thread already.

If you actually read my response I specifically said "I am not saying that was your intent...."

Either way I am entitled to my opinion like everyone else but I was trying to be diplomatic but if I must be frank (and it seems I must) I have seen his negative responses on these forums and on podcasts (correction...I meant Twitch) so my interpretation fits in my opinion.

I don't have any of that. I do t have a significant other, don't have much in. The way of friends and I am just plain depressed. I know what went wrong game but I feel like an utter failure. It was mine to lose and I lost. . .

Hey, for what it's worth I kinda know how you feel.

A number of years back I used to play more 40K than was probably good for me and used to go to the tournaments Games Workshop ran in Nottingham (yes, that really was a while back).

I was in the final round at the top table and the game/tournament was mine to lose - and I lost it.

I remember knowing exactly why I'd lost it and playing it over and over in my head. I know it's only a game, but we do put a lot of time and effort into these games and it hurts when it falls apart.

I think I ended up taking a break for a few weeks and then almost sulking my way through a few games after that. It probably sounds like cliche advice, but you will learn from it - I know I did, well, most of the time.

Even now, years later when I'm a more chilled out gamer, that game is still in the back of my head. But these days it pops up as a reminder and make me think - "am I sure I want to make that move?"

For the record, I had a fast aggressive Eldar army that year (3rd ed I'll have you know!) and against my preferred style I played too cautiously and lost as a result. It's a reminder today to *only* deviate from the plan *if* I'm sure it's worth the risk!

Drawing attention to the unintended consequences of someone's actions can often be one of the harshest criticisms you can make of them.

Seriously?

So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

Why not?

I had hopped to use this thread for people to read and find ways to de-stress when they suffered a brutal loss but it has changed.

We can't just all quit when we have an issue. Sometimes the braver thing to do is to tough it out and endure the waves even if it is the hardest thing to do.

You have to take a step back and read what you wrote. It definitely did not come across as you trying to help others but it came across as you venting that you lost and being a poor sport about it. I am not saying that was your intent but it most definitely sounded like that to me and obviously others whether you wanted it to or not.

I give up. It seems I can't articulate at all so you guys have fun with reading my intent. Ciao

Everyone has given some good advice, too, so there isn't anything to throw your arms in the air and walk out about. If you are really that flustered about the subject matter, then I encourage you to reread what others have said and let it really sink in; you are taking the game too seriously.

I have zero interest in any game that is a risk to play. Playing with a chance of having a good time or having a miserable time that lasts for days is a terrible, terrible gamble-- especially when you're paying for that risk. Take a break from playing until winning isn't what is important to you. Find another hobby for a while.