If I ever command a Stormtrooper unit

By DariusAPB, in X-Wing Off-Topic

Kinda a spinoff from the Rebels discussion.

1. My Stormtroopers will remember that A: their weapons have a stun setting. and B: Their weapons have a full auto setting. They will make use of both.

2. My Stormtroopers are authorized to use deadly force always.

3. My Stormtroopers, if stationed planetside on a standard terran like planet will replace their O2 canisters with cans of red bull, they are the same size and serve a more practical purpose.

4. Anyone who insults my E-11 (called Daisy, and it will have a daisy sticker on it) will be shot.

5. If a rebel is knocked down, if capture is impractical my Stormtroopers will Aayla Secura the *****.

6. My Stormtroopers will recognize that they are trained in hand to hand and physical training. Grabbing the wrist of a jedi and headbutting him is a valid tactic.

7. My Stormtroopers will never be afraid to fire first. We are an evil empire, and are not trying to capture hearts and minds. That's the ISB's job.

8. Air Support, Air Support, Air Support.

9. If a hostile incapacitates several members of the squad, and we get the drop on her. We shoot. Either stun (see 1) or full auto (1) She goes down.

10. If some jumped up hopelessly unlucky ISB git kills one of my troopers by kicking him off a ledge into a bottomless pit. He is considered an enemy combatant. See 1, also 4.

11. Single combat is for the guys with glowsticks. We have automatic weapons.

12. I will have them practice running around in tight spaces.

13. They will also learn the value of cover.

14. if they must carry O2 cannisters for ops within a safe atmosphere, they may remember their armour and suits are sealed, and chemical gas is effective.

15. I will requisition lightsabres and duct tape, duct tape of course being a good substitute for the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and binds the galaxy together. In this case it'll bind the lightsabre to the E-11, making a handy bayonet.

16. While the value of cover is important (see 13.) It is important to note that we have grenades.

Edited by DariusAPB

17. My stormtroopers will have custom helmets with bigger eye-slits so they can see WTF they are doing. See #6, 7, 11, 12, 13, and 16. You can't hit what you can't see.

18. They will remember that thy holy E-11 (and Daisy, a holy E-11) has a scope with direct helmet feed. For uses. See 13 and 17.

19. The DLT-19 does not have a full auto setting. it has a REALLY full auto setting. Use it.

20. The T-21 and T-21 B are kings of open terrain warfare. The puny rebel DH-17 is not.

21. White is an excellent camouflage for snow, starship interiors, even deserts at a pinch when covered in sand. Not forests, marshes, swamps or jungle. Your units armour may be painted accordingly.

22. (referencing a D20 game here) When ordered to destroy a base's computer to prevent it's information getting into rebel hands, do NOT confuse the order for destroying the base and every (imperial) soldier inside it! (as the GM of this game, I was in tears, I think i was rolling around on the ground at one point, player miscommunication to each other is the best). (due to the epic fail of this player, vader choked him).

Edited by DariusAPB

23. My storm troopers wil have riot shields and lightsabers, as Ralph Mcquarrie intended them!

Review_ConceptStormtrooper_still_zpsc1e0

I totally have that artwork somewhere, well I have the whole set...

I totally have that artwork somewhere, well I have the whole set...

I (only) have the action figure. :)

24. My stormtroopers will not hit their heads on doorways.

25. My stormtroopers will ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO HIT WHAT THEY ARE SHOOTING AT.

26. My Stormtroopers will all be incredibly beautiful women .. who make love and not war.

26.b My stormtroopers will be sectioned off into various units. I will have two bodyguard sections - one of which created from Ronda Rousey clones, the other from Sasha Grey.

The Grey Clones will be for ceremonial purposes only.

27. Each squad will have at least one designated marksman with a T-21B, and dedicated gunner with a DLT-19 - unless deployment location makes this prohibitive.

Edited by DariusAPB

I have enough problems dealing with one woman, why would I want a platoon of them around? Sounds like a problem waiting to happen.

28. My Stormtroopers will be given bayonets and taught how to use them in coordination with hand-to-hand CC.

29. My Stormtroopers will be given blue diagonal shoulder capes to set them apart from the usual rank-and-file.

30. My Stormtroopers will be dangerously genre-savvy.

31. My Stormtroopers will be dangerously cheesey.

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32. My Stormtroopers will carry lightsaber pikes and heavy blaster pistols. Because knights of the Empire! (Seriously. Shining armor, capes. What else are they going to be?)

Edited by Vigil

33. My stormtroopers will be proficient in the use of the following mini rigs/ vehicles: MTV-7, INT-4, ISP-6, CAP-2, AST-5 aswell as any captured MLC-3.

34. My stormtroopers wil follow "Rule 34". No Exceptions!

35. My stormtroopers will be commanded by General Welch.

Edited by Robin Graves

36. My storm troopers will not be fooled by two idiots who put on armor and pretend that they are among our ranks. We don't want another "Death Star Incident"

37. If on patrol my stormtroopers hear a rustling on the branches, an entire fireteam will investigate.

Should that fireteam not return, another patrol will not be sent out, instead the area will be wide area bombarded by artillery.

38. If my stormtroopers actually must protect an installation in a dense forest or jungle, the forest will be cleared with either fire or planticide for at least 300 metres around said installation.

39. When off-duty, my Stormtroopers will be encouraged to do community service for the locals.

40. My Stormtroopers will not extort, nag, or bully the locals any more than necessary to complete their assigned duties.

40b: Even if they are aliens.

40c: Unless they are gungans.

39. When off-duty, my Stormtroopers will be encouraged to do community service for the locals.

40. My Stormtroopers will not extort, nag, or bully the locals any more than necessary to complete their assigned duties.

Whoa there fella! These are Stormtroopers, not the Peace Corps. If you won't use Stormtroopers to oppress the locals, you are doing it wrong.

Antagonizing the oppressed populace =/= oppressing the populace. A Stormtroopers mere presence should be enough.

Antagonizing the oppressed populace =/= oppressing the populace. A Stormtroopers mere presence should be enough.

"Be a badass, not an ass."

41. In the event of overwhelming opposition (lol), they will withdraw to their massive fleet of Star Destroyers and pound the fuzzy Ewoks from orbit.

Seriously.

Just try not to hit the shield generator and scour Endor clean of life.

42. They will wear camouflage suitable to the terrain they are deployed in.

43. They get trained by the Hand of Justice.

44. They only follow plans approved by Grand Admiral Thrawn or one of his trusted commanders.

Antagonizing the oppressed populace =/= oppressing the populace. A Stormtroopers mere presence should be enough.

Fear will keep them in check.