For session 0 (aka character creation day) someone brings an uninvited guest and the group is already at max.

So this happened. I got to everyone else's character first intentionally and by the time they had to leave the "guest" hadn't even gotten started.

They made a sarcastic remark about the night being fun and I responded that I didn't even know they were coming and that we only had time for character creation.

I didn't intend on any more for the group, in fact we lost 1 player already and I am perfectly happy with that as it helps me handle the already large group (7 including myself, I'm brand new at GMing).

So I awkardly had to inform this to the person who brought them later on that I intended only for the people I invited to show up and that I wasn't planning on adding more to the group.

Here's the kicker. They're related and this has happened with other game nights.

Anyone dealt with a similar situation with uninvited guests? How did you handle it?

"Sorry, the campaign only has room for X number of players," said as soon as everyone arrives. Still awkward, but the sooner the message is conveyed the better.

I agree with sooner and clearer being better. Just putting them off hoping the clock will run down seems rather passive-aggressive to me.

Bummer. But hey, sounds like you have a lot of players. That is a good problem to have.

Is character creation taking place in your home?

If so, it is indeed awkward for friends to invite people to your own home without asking you first.

That said, my advice is to nip this in the bud immediately.

As soon as you see (or first learn about) the uninvited guest, address it immediately.

Tell the uninvited guest you weren't prepared for them to attend as soon as you see them.

Be very clear and straightforward that you have nothing for this uninvited guest to do.

Tell the uninvited guest this immediately so you don't waste their time.

This way, you set their expectations immediately and they will probably leave.

Set expectations. Make it clear to your entire group that you have a lot of people.

Also, set the expectations of the person inviting unexpected guests.

The group is too large and/or full. No more.

You're playing a RPG. Not fielding a baseball team.

Plus, groups lose and gain players all the time.

If your group is fine with it, you can add the unexpected player at a later date.

It's not even a game nite thing, inviting someone and not telling the host is just bad form period. Sounds like you could turn the 6 PCs into four quickly and kill the two birds with one stone....

Fast responses! Wow! I fully intend to keep the original player but their uninvited family members are not welcome. Sucks but that's how it is. I think they are asleep and will probably receive my messages tomorrow. When I make the time & date plans for session 1 I will remind them that I am only inviting that one person and that uninvited guests will have nothing to do as the group is full. Thanks for the responses, I will be as direct as the situation requires (still feel like I need to handle it with tact, I don't want to upset my friend).

tact:

I planned for a 6 player game by inviting 8 of my friends to play with the belief that 1 or 2 probably would likely drop out as this happens to games a lot. So since your relative was not in the original Invite, even though I already had one person have to drop out do to life issues, I don't have room for them. In the future also? Could you ask me before inviting an extra person. I realize it may have been last minute, but a Simple call or text asking would be appreciated.

If they really want to come, and you ask me before hand, and they are okay with just "spectating" and don't cause a distraction to the game, that could be okay, but still.. Please Ask me before hand. I may have plans that don't allow for room at the table for an extra seat or mouth to feed.

thanks buddy :-)

I usually try to make my guest policy clear, which is: additional guests are allowed only if approved by all members of the group. The guest will be allowed to sit in on game and may make comments or ask questions so long as they're non-intrusive (e.g., not interrupting anyone while they're trying to play). If they're paying attention and asking the right questions, then I might give them an NPC to control for a scene or two. If they're exceedingly polite, attentive, and seem to really be enjoying themselves, once I have everyone's permission, I'll offer that guest a seat at the table if they want it.

My approach might seem really formal, but it's only because I have had to deal with it before. The thing is to make sure everyone is comfortable with it, which might be tricky at Session Zero or the first one, since everyone's trying to find their character and might feel vulnerable or judged. This is one aspect of the game where I feel a GM doesn't have absolute authority.

Generally, I'm open to as many players as want to show up. 'course, I'm the poster boy for passive-aggressive.

I'd do my best to accommodate the guy when he showed up the first time, but, as everyone is leaving, I'd make it abundantly clear that if someone else is going to be showing up, I need to be informed of it and approve it in advance.

Fast responses! Wow! I fully intend to keep the original player but their uninvited family members are not welcome. Sucks but that's how it is. I think they are asleep and will probably receive my messages tomorrow. When I make the time & date plans for session 1 I will remind them that I am only inviting that one person and that uninvited guests will have nothing to do as the group is full. Thanks for the responses, I will be as direct as the situation requires (still feel like I need to handle it with tact, I don't want to upset my friend).

I'd advise not using the term "unwelcome" when laying down the bad news, it's unnecessarily mean, just say there are too many people and maybe next time. Then mention that they should have let you know ahead of time so you could have talked about it earlier.

Here's the kicker. They're related and this has happened with other game nights.

Anyone dealt with a similar situation with uninvited guests? How did you handle it?

I make the rational assumption that if I invite one the other will most likely show up as well?

I have no idea of the relationship involved I will assume it is sibling, because if it's spouse that is terribly bad form to invite one and not the other when both game.

Here's the kicker. They're related and this has happened with other game nights.

Anyone dealt with a similar situation with uninvited guests? How did you handle it?

I make the rational assumption that if I invite one the other will most likely show up as well?

I have no idea of the relationship involved I will assume it is sibling, because if it's spouse that is terribly bad form to invite one and not the other when both game.

Sibling, the uninvited one is much younger and wouldn't be a great fit for RPGs until older and generally isn't a great fit for this group. We invite the older one personally and rather than calling ahead and asking if the younger one can join (which happens sporadically) the older one just shows up with the younger one.

I imagine this happens in nearly all social instances so it's possibly something they have grown accustomed to and don't even recognize that bringing uninvited people is generally bad form.

I'll confirm the details for session 1 with everyone and remind them this is invite only. If others were to join they would probably be bored because there's nothing for them to do, the group is maxed out.

I would wonder at the willingness of your guest bringing along his plus one.

You say older and younger sibling; are they overall young enough to have a "Billy, take your littler sibling with you so mom and dad can have a night" situation? In which case the problem is firmly out of both your and your guest's hands, and you'll probably have to deal. Saying 'invite only' won't do you much good in that situation.

In all other scenarios, saying 'invite only' will only work if the person in question gets the gist of what you're implying, i.e. 'for God's sake, stop inviting him over, would you?' Otherwise, you'll have to confront the situation outright and hope that it goes smoothly.

I would wonder at the willingness of your guest bringing along his plus one.

You say older and younger sibling; are they overall young enough to have a "Billy, take your littler sibling with you so mom and dad can have a night" situation? In which case the problem is firmly out of both your and your guest's hands, and you'll probably have to deal. Saying 'invite only' won't do you much good in that situation.

In all other scenarios, saying 'invite only' will only work if the person in question gets the gist of what you're implying, i.e. 'for God's sake, stop inviting him over, would you?' Otherwise, you'll have to confront the situation outright and hope that it goes smoothly.

Yes it is the situation you've described. If the player has to bring their sibling then the younger one will be bored as they won't be joining the game. It's best if the younger one didn't come as they would be bored due to everyone else in attendance participating. If they have to come they can quietly listen in on it or occupy themself with something else. If this is an issue with either of them, it is possible that we might decide it best for neither to come. It's just not acceptable to assume bringing along ones that are not invited will be okay with everyone.

And I could completely understand that.

Not knowing what the age difference is between older and younger.... I have had to deal with a similar situation before

In this case it was a difference of about 6 years. And the younger one was one of those Hyper active not so smart, So they wanted to be involved but couldn't stay focused and injected alot which caused a lot of disturbance for the rest of the group. So we unfortunately had to ask that, if the brother was being required to brought along, we couldn't continue to accommodate it. They unfortunately had to drop out because the Parents Required him to "include" his brother.

Which really Meant, To me know that I am much older and seem the other side of things as an adult, the parents in this case were neglective and did everything they could not to have to take care of their kids. Which was sad. They often didn't get Fed lunch unless another family fed them, until the older of them was old enough to realize, and be able to, he could make lunch for them

I have seen the other side of things as well now, where it wasn't so much in the control of either the parents or the children, where Both parents worked, and so that left the Older "in-charge" of baby sitting the youngsters, So they couldn't just 'leave them home'.

I have a friend who occasionally does this...he'll meet someone and decide they'd like to try out wargaming or an RPG game, then show up at whoever is hosting with the new person in tow. It's not cool any time: with a war-game you might have set up a balanced scenario and planned a roster for each person; with RPGs it's harder I think because there's more story to account for, and story is emotional, harder to plan for on the fly.

A couple of us who regularly host finally had it out with him and he promised to at least call first to see if it was okay. Progress...

If this is an issue with either of them, it is possible that we might decide it best for neither to come. It's just not acceptable to assume bringing along ones that are not invited will be okay with everyone.

Kinda typical for gamers, but still baffles me as a person.

You say you know where Big Bro goes Lil'bro goes as well.

So your clever fix for this was to only invite Big Bro. and that some how some way puts the burden onto Big Bro to make what you want to happen. It isn't about an uninvited guest it's about an excluded guest.

If this is an issue with either of them, it is possible that we might decide it best for neither to come. It's just not acceptable to assume bringing along ones that are not invited will be okay with everyone.

Kinda typical for gamers, but still baffles me as a person.

You say you know where Big Bro goes Lil'bro goes as well.

So your clever fix for this was to only invite Big Bro. and that some how some way puts the burden onto Big Bro to make what you want to happen. It isn't about an uninvited guest it's about an excluded guest.

So it's my fault that he decides not to inform anyone he's bringing others along when I specifically only invited him? That does not compute.

Yes, we have invited him before to previous gatherings and made it clear it was only him that should come and yet he brings others. Pretty sure that means it's his responsibility when we've made things as direct as possible and still he does it.

Guess I shouldn't have invited the older one in the first place then, just exclude him due to his sibling possibly coming, uninvited. Nah. I'd rather invite the people I intended and hope that some sense will be used.

The term guest probably shouldn't have been used at all, as that implies someone was invited in the first place.

The gist is the young one can't join the group. There is no room for more, especially ones that will distract/slow down everything as this one so often does. There has to be a limit on the amount of people that can join or things will get out of hand. As it was, I never truly wanted the group to be 8 players and myself, I fully expected 1 or 2 to flake on the first go and I would just shrink the group down accordingly. 1 flaked and I don't intend to fill that spot again.

If the younger one has to be brought along then they can occupy themself with other things like videogames.

So it's my fault that he decides not to inform anyone he's bringing others along when I specifically only invited him? That does not compute.

I find myself in the majority here that believe that a discourtesy was done to you. I don't feel it's ever okay to just invite someone to tag along without asking. A phone call or a text is the polite thing to do, regardless of the circumstance that found the offender offending.

So yeah, I feel you have every right to be miffed, and that sure had to be awkward. I think you handled it well.

In my younger days I ran across this but I was the sort of GM that rolled with it. I was running Cyberpunk 2020 at the time at a small game shop on Saturday mornings, and if memory serves I ran a session for at least a dozen people regularly and on occasion pushing 20. Well, it was cp2020, so it was easy enough to split everyone into teams with the same goal - that was the key to success. These weren't the greatest of stories, but oftentimes the intra-party action was enough to keep the action rolling - inevitably a squabble turned into a gunfight turned into Mad Max in the streets of Night City. So point two: let the players do the bulk of the work and create the story they want. You have the lit match, let them build the bonfire. That doesn't mean you get off scott free, but you really just need 2-3 plotlines summed up in like 4 bullet points as a sequence of events, throw in back stories, then figure out what your players do that interact with these items and you'll have great set of tools you all can use to build the story.

Nowadays I'm old and crotchety and I like to run for no more than 4 players, otherwise I don't feel like everyone is getting their fair share. Ideally, 3 works really well for me.

Yes, a discourtesy was done to you. However, that doesn't excuse reciprocal discourtesy. Just establish rules and ensure that they're communicated and understood. That should correct the problem and stop it from happening again.

If this is an issue with either of them, it is possible that we might decide it best for neither to come. It's just not acceptable to assume bringing along ones that are not invited will be okay with everyone.

Kinda typical for gamers, but still baffles me as a person.

You say you know where Big Bro goes Lil'bro goes as well.

So your clever fix for this was to only invite Big Bro. and that some how some way puts the burden onto Big Bro to make what you want to happen. It isn't about an uninvited guest it's about an excluded guest.

So it's my fault that he decides not to inform anyone he's bringing others along when I specifically only invited him? That does not compute.

Yes, we have invited him before to previous gatherings and made it clear it was only him that should come and yet he brings others. Pretty sure that means it's his responsibility when we've made things as direct as possible and still he does it.

Guess I shouldn't have invited the older one in the first place then, just exclude him due to his sibling possibly coming, uninvited. Nah. I'd rather invite the people I intended and hope that some sense will be used.

The term guest probably shouldn't have been used at all, as that implies someone was invited in the first place.

The gist is the young one can't join the group. There is no room for more, especially ones that will distract/slow down everything as this one so often does. There has to be a limit on the amount of people that can join or things will get out of hand. As it was, I never truly wanted the group to be 8 players and myself, I fully expected 1 or 2 to flake on the first go and I would just shrink the group down accordingly. 1 flaked and I don't intend to fill that spot again.

If the younger one has to be brought along then they can occupy themself with other things like videogames.

I don't know.

You keep changing the narrative.

First it was a sibling

then it was a sibling he has to bring along

now it's he brings anyever person.

Lets lay this out a bit here;

You have more players than you comfortable with.

Yet you were the inviter all of the people, because reasons.

You know Big Bro typically brings a +1 to the gatherings even when told in a roundabout way not to.

Yet you invite Big Bro anyways.

You come here complaining about Big Bro bringing a +1(knowing full well he most likely will), when you yourself invited more people than you yourself felt comfortable running for?

Yeah it doesn't compute.

If this is an issue with either of them, it is possible that we might decide it best for neither to come. It's just not acceptable to assume bringing along ones that are not invited will be okay with everyone.

Kinda typical for gamers, but still baffles me as a person.

You say you know where Big Bro goes Lil'bro goes as well.

So your clever fix for this was to only invite Big Bro. and that some how some way puts the burden onto Big Bro to make what you want to happen. It isn't about an uninvited guest it's about an excluded guest.

So it's my fault that he decides not to inform anyone he's bringing others along when I specifically only invited him? That does not compute.

Yes, we have invited him before to previous gatherings and made it clear it was only him that should come and yet he brings others. Pretty sure that means it's his responsibility when we've made things as direct as possible and still he does it.

Guess I shouldn't have invited the older one in the first place then, just exclude him due to his sibling possibly coming, uninvited. Nah. I'd rather invite the people I intended and hope that some sense will be used.

The term guest probably shouldn't have been used at all, as that implies someone was invited in the first place.

The gist is the young one can't join the group. There is no room for more, especially ones that will distract/slow down everything as this one so often does. There has to be a limit on the amount of people that can join or things will get out of hand. As it was, I never truly wanted the group to be 8 players and myself, I fully expected 1 or 2 to flake on the first go and I would just shrink the group down accordingly. 1 flaked and I don't intend to fill that spot again.

If the younger one has to be brought along then they can occupy themself with other things like videogames.

I don't know.

You keep changing the narrative.

First it was a sibling

then it was a sibling he has to bring along

now it's he brings anyever person.

Lets lay this out a bit here;

You have more players than you comfortable with.

Yet you were the inviter all of the people, because reasons.

You know Big Bro typically brings a +1 to the gatherings even when told in a roundabout way not to.

Yet you invite Big Bro anyways.

You come here complaining about Big Bro bringing a +1(knowing full well he most likely will), when you yourself invited more people than you yourself felt comfortable running for?

Yeah it doesn't compute.

1. I like to include people in fun things, so I invited quite a lot. I did invite more than I wanted but expected 1-2 to not show even for character creation. My assumption was correct and that person is not part of the group.

2. I was the inviter because I'm the one getting all of this together (you know, GMing, learning the rules, writing the campaign)

3. Big bro sometimes brings a +1 of lil bro, sometimes other siblings and sometimes just himself. Mostly just himself. We've told him specifically "just you", which doesnt seem roundabout at all and he ends up bringing them anyway.

4. I invite him because he was part of the original group we wanted for the game. Not lil bro, Big bro.

5. I come here explaining what happened and asking how others have dealt with similar situations.

6. You take it as complaint and decide to turn the conversation about how to deal with an awkward situation into hey let's try to argue with OP.

If you have any actual advice for the situation I would welcome it. So far you have just derailed the conversation.

I'm curious about a few things, including:

1) The general age of your players

2) The age(s) of the uninvited sibling(s)

3) The level of distraction/inappropriateness provided by the siblings

4) The relationship between the invited player and the uninvited sibling(s)

5) How long do your sessions last?

Not challenging you on any of these things; just trying to get a clearer picture. For example, I played in a large group where the players ranged in age from college age up to 40s, or maybe even 50s... but one player brought his son. This was a monthly game that went on for years, so I think the son started out as 11 or 12, and was high school age by the time I drifted away from the group. The son grew to be a good player, but early on, there seemed to be an unspoken (or perhaps spoken -- I wasn't the GM) arrangement of "Please keep your son in line" so the father was responsible for making sure he wasn't a distraction.

If the age differential is enough that the younger player can't participate as a player (which seems to be the case) is there a way to include him in some productive capacity? My 6-year-old daughter will sometimes wander into like living room when we're playing and decide to stick around. I will often assign her to be my designated die-roller until she grows bored. I doubt something that straightforward is likely to keep a kid entertained for too long, but it's one possible route to follow.

Another alternative is to plan to keep the sibling busy. If your sessions last 4 hours, have a stack of movies (and headphones) they can watch. Or work with the invited player to see what they can help provide. Before my wife and I had our daughter, we lived in a one-bedroom, so when I was gaming, there weren't a ton of places she could go to "hide" so she would often arrange to do lesson plans (she's a teacher), run errands, or visit with friends. Point is, knowing that I was going to be occupying the living room and dining room for the better part of a day, she would plan something productive around that.

I think you have options, but to me, one of the keys is getting the invited player to take some ownership. I agree with everyone who has said that it's poor form to bring someone to the game uninvited, but I also feel like you're beyond that point, and we need to offer you suggestions on making the best of the hand that you've been dealt.

Yet another change to your narrative.

You want advice?

Man up! Stop being passaive aggressive with your group.

But you don't want advise you want positive reinforcement in what you did.

I'm curious about a few things, including:

1) The general age of your players

2) The age(s) of the uninvited sibling(s)

3) The level of distraction/inappropriateness provided by the siblings

4) The relationship between the invited player and the uninvited sibling(s)

5) How long do your sessions last?

1. 17-30 is the age range of the group. The majority of the group is older than 22.

2. Middle teens I think.

3. This person can make King of Tokyo (basically reskinned yahtzee), a game that takes around 30-45 minutes, last an hour and a half. No matter the game they spend the entire time asking the most obvious questions, ones that were answered when the rules were explained to everyone. They wouldnt quite get the concept of roleplaying on top of it.

4. Well they're siblings. I think the older one doesn't really want to bring the younger one but is asked to by family.

5. With this group the sessions will likely be a little shorter, probably around 1-2 hours.