I'm actually not a big fan of Hemingway's writing, but I can at least respect that he managed to get a lot of economy out of his writing. There was a lot of subtext hidden between the lines. That's not the case with the excerpt listed. I find it to be just outright bad. It looks like bad fan fiction.
Welcome to the world of Star Wars books, where 85% of it is fan fiction that someone payed way too much for someone to put to paper.