Hey there everyone, one thing I've come to enjoy the most about RPG's over the couple years I've been playing now is the crazy stories that always come out of them. While it's great to have a laugh with your friends about it I always thought it'd be fun to share the stories of my time as a GM with other people and see what they think of the crazy things my PC's always, without a doubt, manage to get themselves into no matter how little I try to screw with them. Anyway, thus far in the current campaign I'm running my group of four acolytes that have gone through (with some success) a intro session, Dark Pursuits, Desolation of the Dead, Forgotten Gods, and most recently (and still going) my own investigation with some inspiration from the Eisenhorn trilogy. I should probably mention now that this takes place utilizing the Dark Heresy Second Edition and, of course, SPOILERS ALERT!!!! Oh, and if any of my players are reading this, proceed at your own risk of sideways falling rocks/ spontaneous daemon possession

The Characters:

Inquisitor Marian Alustina: Born on a shrine world, trained on holy Terra by the Adeptus Telepathica, and a seeker. Only at the age of 42, Inquisitor Alustina is an Amalathian with the occasional Monodominant tendency. Over the course of her short career she has hunted an Eldar farseer across the Askellon Sector, rooted out half a dozen xenos threats on several planets, and most recently been an active hunter of the Trade Sable. Her most iconic traits are the patience with which she executes her investigations, she care she has for her individual acolytes lives, her utilization of mind invasive psychic techniques, and the totally unexpected tendency of being perceived as a bad ass by my PC's. In a warzone she is known for wearing crimson red light power armor and the skill with which she wields her best craftsmanship power sword that itself has a custom grip and sacred inscriptions (the power armor was actually instigated by one of my PC's in his back story so I said "what the heck, why not?")

Adin Sralto: A noble born member of the Adeptus Mechanicus with a knack for knowing a crap tone of stuff and being really smart (he's a sage), Adin had never left his home Forge World before he met the Inquisitor. He had been tasked with maintaining one of the immense vaults on his home planet that stores that are often overrun with deadly rogue machines and the like. It was during the inquisitors hunt for an Eldar Farseer that led Alustina to meet Adin who had to risk the vault for some long lost information. During the venture two of Alustina's acolytes had been killed with only Helgar Lhoarf (her most valuable bodyguard) and Petrov (a new recruit) having survived thusfar. Adin was found atop a pile of old dataslates and cogitators hard at work when they met. After receiving help from Adin, Alustina offered him a position and he accepted.

Korvan: an outcast with a high tendency for bad luck but a heart of gold. The only thing he gets lucky on is his acquisition roles and even then it's not encouraging. Originally from a hive world, Korvan eventually found himself on an asteroid as a slave miner due to his bad luck. After ten years of hard labor the mining facility eventually found itself under attack by Eldar corsairs and was pressed into the fight by his owners. Over the course of the battle, he met a group of people claiming to be acolytes of an inquisitor who had recently come to the asteroid tracing xenos products across the sector. Chief among them was a pilot by the name of Galvin Araemita who himself had managed to shoot down three Eldar fighters. After a demonstration of his abilities, Korvan was offered a position as an acolyte by Galvin which he accepted.

Kon Edelheart: also an outcast but a seeker as well, Kon grew up on a shrine world where he learned a proper reverence for the God Emperor as well as got himself a decent education thanks to his father. During his time scrubbing the shrines spotless until his fingers bled, Kon's father suddenly disappeared one day and he hasn't heard from him since. Over the next several years Kon drifted from planet to planet eventually winding up on a pleasure world as an indentured servant. There he was forced to be a plaything for the elite of the Imperium giving him many things to be made fun of for later by the rest of the group. After about a decade on the planet Kon eventually met a man named Graros, a Cadian with the distinctive purple eyes, who said he had come at the behest of his father to offer him a job and a way off planet. He accepted.

Larrikin: yet another outcast, Larrikin grew up as a ganger on a hive world where he developed a knack for being a hit man. For many years Larrikin murdered his way throughout his home hive city as a gun for hire taking any job he could killing anyone from a homeless man to a high ranking noble. Needless to say this got him into a lot of trouble and when the law finally caught up with him he found himself speaking to a man with purple eyes named Graros. Graros offered him two options: use his skills with a sniper for the inquisition or die. Needless to say he chose the former

So as you can see, within this group there are three outcasts and one Adeptus Mechanicus. Great stuff right? Two of the outcasts are combat focused characters, the other an inquiry focused type, and another who's half a computer with the memory of a full computer. Why would an inquisitor hire these bastards? A fantastic question, one I still after many sessions am unable to answer. I'll give a description of the events of their first mission which served as a setup and an intro, it was fairly exciting and, as you'll find out, the outcasts really start things off well with the NPC's

Intro Mission: It's only downhill from here...

The three scummy outcasts after all coming together aboard a transport ship over a period of two months arrive at the planet of Aibos. Aibos is a minor imperial world with a population of only four billion (no big deal right?). The acolytes were to descend down to the planets main spaceport within the city of Gantt and make their way to the main cathedral to meet with Inquisitor Alustina. Before this, however, I offered the group a moment to talk amongst themselves and develop some early character-character attachments. They sat their quietly barely saying anything for three minutes... After this period of time the freshly recruited acolytes got into the Inquisitors gun cutter (Eisenhorn made me love those things) along with Graros and Galvin and prceeded to make their way to the space port. During the several minutes of reaching the planets surface Korvan started up a conversation with Graros about why he had purple eyes which Larrikin joined in on. Ordinarily, any Imperial citizen with a decent education would know that Cadians have distinctive purple eyes, however, these here be some outcasts who didn't purchase the Linguistics skill so they could barely interpret planetary accents yet alone have the ability to read (or "re-add" as they like to call it). As their offensive line of questioning continued the only outcast of the three, Kon, who had Lore skills knew what the purple eyes signified but thought it was funnier to let the other two piss off the NPC's. As this continued, Galvin himself was insulted, and, upon reaching the spaceport, he and Graros ditched the three leaving them to their own devices. So over the course of about ten minutes, they managed to learn nothing about each other and piss off the first two NPC's. Surprisingly enough, this is actually a pretty good start to a campaign for these guys (in another they caused an entire planet to blow up in five).

Once exiting the gun cutter and once Galvin flew it away, the acolytes were left with only the most minute of instructions to go the the grand catherdral in the city. One problem, they don't know where to go and they can't understand the citizens very well and they can't read. To roleplay this, whenever they talked to an NPC he/she talked with a mix of reversed words with non-reversed words so they could never know if what they were hearing was what they thought it was (Hehehe should have learned how to read). This particularly came out when they tried to get directions from a pair of guards who they promptly insulted after they couldn't understand them and almost got thrown in jail. I say almost because to prevent this eventuality I had Petrov show up and save their skins (he speaks with a thick Russian accent that I personally do a poor job of but it works). Petrov then guided them to the grand cathedral where they were taken up a flight of stairs into one of the wings during a ceremony where they were introduced the Inquisitor Alustina and Adin Sralto. Adin had been the one to unearth traces of suspicious activity from the city in regards to illegal xenos shipments possibly connected to the Trade Sable. The four acolytes were then instructed to hunt down where these suspicious shipments were originating from.

Naturally the first thing any investigation entails is hitting the streets. Kon and Korvan started inquiring about the lower areas of the city while Adin and Larrikin went to a bar, yes a bar where they proceeded to get drunk. Kon and Korvan on the other hand found an old man who they couldn't really understand but who Kon (due to a failed inquiry test) thought was important somehow. They then took the man into an alley and bludgeoned him to death with a rock after tarping him. Yes they tried to take him alive but you know what happens when you bludgeon an old man with a block of rockreet? He dies of brain damage. Realizing their mistake they then hid the blanketed corpse (the blanket actually came from Korvan's clothing) in a sewer and made their way into a street where some arbites were asking around about a missing person report. Luckily for them, Kon won his deceive check and they got away with their random murdering of pedestrians.

After this venture, Kon and Korvan made their way to the bar Adin and Larrikin where, upon entering, they were chanted at by their drunk fellow acolytes to fight which the other people at the bar joined in for. In order to make it more dramatic, Adin introduced the two with stage names where Kon was Krawdat Man and Korvan Dirtsman. Kon getting so into things tightened the chords of his hoodie in real life and pulled it over his eyes adopting his alternate crime fighting persona of Krawdat Man, the living avenger (Yes there are superheroes now). Further giving into peer pressure, Krawdat Man then punched Korvan knocking him unconscious. When things got back on track by someone sending them a message, they decided to investigate by going to a small shrine where the letter instructed them to go. Upon arrival, Larrikin set up overwatch with his sniper rifle from seventy-five meters away on a rooftop while the other three entered in one minute intervals to the shrine. Once the three were in, they went to a back room where they found a Ministorum priest named Lenard who was praying to the Emperor for guidance. Adin, having the Linguistics skill, was able to translate for everyone and they learned the priest had recently found out that there were strange happenings going on involving the church. He didn't know what was happening but he believed it to be heresy among the most terrible kind. He told them that he'd learned of a fighting ring where many of the elite of the city gather to watch gladiatorial battles and that supposedly there were shady deals being done there. The acolytes decided to take the man to Alustina for more questioning and information where he was promptly painfully mind raped by her as she extracted the forgotten details. She managed to inform the acolytes that in addition to what they knew it appeared that many of the Cardinals inner circle could be in on the endeavor but to truly condemn high ranking members of the Ministorum they would need more concrete proof. Alustina then used her psychic powers to remove the memories of the Inquisition and the heresy from his mind.

After dropping the priest back off at his shrine, the acolytes then made their way to the fighting ring. Upon arrival they were asked what their business was there and their answer was that they were there to enter in a fighter. Recognizing his call to action, Krawdat man assumed his persona and put on a convincing performance of being a gladiator. Once inside he was then thrown into a cage to await being put into a death match. At the expense of one of their compatriots, the remaining three acolytes set about mingling with the crowds. Their investigation then promptly was delayed almost indefinitely when the fights began as they became more interested in making money from bets (they didn't make any money). During an intermission, Larrikin managed to overhear two individuals near him talking about when the latest shipment of "Ministorum goods" would be available. The other man replied that they wouldn't be available until the Arch-Bishop said they were and that was the way it was. This being all the evidence they needed, the three left with great haste forgetting about Krawdat Man. Luckily for Kon, he had security and managed to escape his cage and join up with the others.

Approaching Alustina with the evidence, the Inquisitor then called in the force she had available on the planet using the phrase the PC's in my group like to use whenever they exercise their authority "Boots on the Ground!" Alustina herself led the approach onto the grand cathedral where upon arrival they were all approached by a thirty strong group of Ministorum priests and ordered to give themselves over to custody in the God Emperors name. The probably not heretics were answered by the sudden arrival of a gun cutter whereupon Galvin opened fire with four autocanons. The resulting carnage left the group of priests eviscerated and the Inquisitor and her acolytes (Graros, Petrov and other included) charged headfirst into the cathedral. Adin and Larrikin went upstairs and Kon and Korvan went down while Alustina and the other NPC's charged straight into the main hall. Adn and Larrikin eventually found themselves being overrun but were saved by Galvin and Helgar, the later of which came rappelling in through a window. The three then subsequently captured the Arch-Bishop and a crate of Xenos seeds that members of the priesthood were distributing but were stored in a secret chamber. Kon and Korvan were eventually joined up with by Alustina whereupon they stumbled into a group of five combat servitors. With Alustina's blade and psychic powers along with Korvans fire support the servitors were brought down but Alustina was wounded. The two acolytes went on ahead only to be immediately set on fire by a flamethrower once they opened a door. Alustina then charged in to save them killing the man and subsequently allowing the finding of a stash of Xenos trinkets. The job done, all that remained was the further processing of information. The Cardinal eventually came storming in demanding to know who had done the damages but was shouted down by Alustina under threat of imprisonment and being tried for treason. Adin later determined that the shipments originated from Desoleum and the four acolytes were instructed to make for the planet with haste to get to the bottom of the heresy afoot there.

Thus the introduction mission ended...