So as I gradually woke up this morning, I had Bohemian Rhapsody and X-wing both rolling around in my sleep-addled head. So I just went with it, and this is it.

For your amusement, I present:

Bandit Squadron Rhapsody

To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen (If by some weird chance you do not know what song this is, do yourself a favor and go listen to it now ).

Is Star Wars sci-fi?

Or is it just fantasy?

A long time ago,

Far, far away from reality.

Lock your S-foils,

Galactic war boils ‘round me,

I’m just a Bandit, I need no sympathy,

Because I’m easy come, easy go,

Just 12 points, costed low,

Anyway the dice roll, doesn’t really matter to me,

To me…

Mothma, They killed Fat Han,

Surrounded him with a swarm,

We should have taken Corran Horn.

Mothma, Swiss rounds had just begun,

But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

Mothma, ooh…

Didn’t mean to block our guys,

If I’m not back in your squadron list tomorrow.

Carry on, carry on, because I don’t really matter.

Too late, my time has come,

Pulse Missiles without a lock,

Should have used me just to block,

Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go,

Gonna get blown up right before I could shoot.

Mothma, ooh…

I don’t wanna die,

I sometimes wish I’d never taken missiles at all.

I see a little VI Echo with a cloak

ACD! ACD! How the hell is he behind me?

5 red dice at range one,

And I bite the big one, you see.

(Chiraneau) Chiraneau,

(Chiraneau) Chiraneau,

Chiraneau with expose!

And I explo-o-o-ode.

I’m just a Bandit, nobody loves me,

(He’s just a Bandit, just thrown in as fodder,

Spare him his life, just at least until round 3!)

Evades come, evades go, will you let me roll?

Howlrunner! No, I roll my two green dice. (No evades!)

Howlrunner! I roll my two green dice. (No evades!)

Howlrunner! I roll my two green dice. (No evades!)

I roll my two green dice. (No evades!)

Never, never trust green dice,

Never trust green dice, oh-oh-oh-oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, Mon Mothma, oh Mon Mothma (Oh Mon Mothma, let me go.)

Darth Vader has ATC and a lock on me, on me, on me!

So you think you can stress me and expect me to fly?

So you think you can crit me and leave me to die?

Oh, Soontir! Can’t expect me to fight Soontir!

Just gonna fly off, just gonna fly right off the map.

Ooh,

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

I don’t really matter,

Anyone can see,

I don’t really matter,

Not much point in fielding poor me.

Anyway the dice roll.

Edit: fixed typo

Very cool!

Now you need to try

"Fat Bottomed Han"

"We will (aste)roid You"

"Prince Xizor of the Universe"

"Dash's Theme"

I like this so, so much.

Very cool!

Now you need to try

"Fat Bottomed Han"

"We will (aste)roid You"

"Prince Xizor of the Universe"

"Dash's Theme"

Feel free to tackle any or all of these. For me personally, if I were going to do another parody Queen song it would probably be "I like to ride my TIE Fighter"

EDIT: Scratch that. I just relistened to "Bicycle Race" and it includes the line "I don't like Star Wars." Gonna have to delete that song from my Music Library now.

poor rebel zs

never will ye know the joy of feedback array

I'd have to hear it to be sure, but the meter looks way off.

I'd have to hear it to be sure, but the meter looks way off.

There are one or two lines with an extra syllable squeezed in, but for the most it has the exact same meter as the original.

Just woke up at 5am for no apparent reason and was not too happy about it. Took my iPad, read you post... Totally made my day! :-) So good!

"Massive Applause"

If this is ever even attempted to be made into a real song, I will pledge many pieces of money to get it made into an album.

I'd have to hear it to be sure, but the meter looks way off.

There are one or two lines with an extra syllable squeezed in, but for the most it has the exact same meter as the original.

Meter is not just about the number of syllables.

yeah, its about 3.3 feet

I <3 Bandits. Flew a swarm of em' with Etahn A'Baht this weekend and it was absolutely glorious. A'Baht was only "meh", adding his effect to a few dice rolls that mattered but mostly turtling up as player after player tried to murder him the entire game.

Bandits though? Especially the legendary Bandit Seven, Bane of The Black Sun and Sunderer of Dreams, who had the distinction of shooting down Luke Skywalker, and IG-88, and being the lone survivor of that one match-up I lost. He slapped Etahn and took command of the squad, leading it to top four glory.

Seriously, it started as a joke: very first time I used some Bandits I marked one with the number "7" simply because it was the number markers I found first. It was a three player game loaded down with folks like Carnor Jax and Darth Vader on the other sides of the table, while I had Bandit Seven taking point against these terrifyingly talented pilots. "What, are you mocking Bandit Seven ? Motherfucker was born for this very moment, it's his day. Bandit Seven am become death, destroyer of Imperials." It, uh... turned out to be an eerily accurate prediction, as my boasting of this being Bandit Seven's "moment" was 100% on target and he proceeded to rack up a massive kill count and have an improbable amount of luck avoiding shots. Ever since then, the legend has simply grown and every time I plop down a Bandit with "7" on the board, it's only a matter of time until he distinguishes himself from his peers. Even without my input, with me simply putting him right in there with the rest of the Bandit swarm, it was his shot that finally caught Luke, it was his shot that drew a Direct Hit (thanks Etahn!) against the IG, it was Bandit Seven that (despite being a very, very viable target throughout the game) my opponent ran of time to finish off.

Any time Bandit Seven enters the fray I can expect death and glory to follow. He is my Mobius One , and I dream of the day I can get him his own personal promo Bandit Squadron Card and re-paint his Bandit with the proper Bandit Squad colors, the number seven, and probably a tally mark tracking his kills.

dundundundundundundundun

DASH!

Ah-aaahhhhhaa!!!

Played Bohemian Rhapsody in the background while I read these lyrics.

There are no words to describe how perfect this is. I would Like button this all day if I could.

I've just sung it, with those lyrics, and had a lot of fun and pleasure.

I'd have to hear it to be sure, but the meter looks way off.

Singing is not for you then.

I absolutley hate queen but loved your lyrics!

The only version of Bohemian Rhapsody i adore is the 'Bad news' version.

Before anyone says its rubbish/out of tune/badly played... its supposed to be... its Bryan May playing the guitar taking the micky out himself with rik mayall and adrian edmonson

I absolutley hate queen

Booooooooo!

This . . . is the best song I've ever seen. Including these .

The only version of Bohemian Rhapsody i adore is the 'Bad news' version.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oi7KPDi_yQI

Just need to get them to change the lyrics to yours

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oi7KPDi_yQI

I got about half way through that on stubbornness alone but the pain was too great. I could bear it no longer.

OMG is this hysterical! Every time I fly I Z now, I'll have this song in my head!

"All we hear is Radio Jar Jar, Radio ...."