Meh, so LordAggro wanted me to finish the following rant with some more glorifying descriptions of the ShadoWar characters, and why they're awesome:
(taken from another thread) "Well, we obviously must agree to disagree. I feel that they've spent adequate time on the characters, and there's surely plenty more info to come. I feel that such characters as Yi Shan, Lu Chen, Astrid, Temujin, and Padma not just give us extremely unique characters to the UFS world, but bring different archetypes in as well. Just look at Yi Shan: HE'S GOT A FREAKIN EYE PATCH! How many Chinese people look like Timothy Olyphant with facial hair, are extremely buff, and have an eye patch? NONE! MUAHAHAHA! And come on, look at Lu Chen. He used to be such a hard-ass! The kid used to beat skull, ask questions later. Even at the age of ten million, the guy's STILL a badass. He manages to kick the crap out of both Yi Shan AND Zi Mei, but does his badassery ever relent? Hell no it doesn't, what does Lu Chen do? He takes the bastard child Yi Shan in as his student! And does he die a painful death? No, what are you retarded? The man clearly eats bullets and defecates gun powder whilst he watches his pupil break stones with telekinesis or some s--t and use his Hugh Jackman claws to perform 3rd trimester abortions, while still finding time to meditate underneath a waterfall like a BOSS."
And what about Rashotep? Is he supposed to be some sort of Iraqi or black dude I don't even know, why? Wanna fight about it? He can command the sand n' s--t, but totally not gay like Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. He's got like, the power to throw people with his ***** or something, and he's like, old, or a clone, or who the f--k cares he's a fricken Pharaoh. Are you a Pharaoh? Hell no you're not *****, your name doesn't even have a P in it. That guy probably eats candy on a regular basis. He doesn't even have to wear clothes, wtf? You know Jealously-Guarded Secret is his birthday suit. And I'm totally not gay for thinking that, I'm just expressing how awesome he is.
Zhao Daiyu, wtf, stfu, she's not a rip off on Jawas or Black Mages; she's like, some evil witch n' s--t. Can she see into the future? Hell yeah she can, wtf kinda stupid question was that dumbass? She's got red eyes, so you know she can see people's souls and their seething anti-semitism towards her. This chick's like a total child rapist. Just look at her! Her hands totally scream "12 year-old boy is not young enough!" Look at Intolerant of Failure; Zhao Daiyu's reciting a line from Hamlet! She's way cooler than you are, homo.
Ragnar's such a hoss. He beats face and doesn't care who knows it, then he goes to the bar and gets laid while he takes a whale of a dump on that beer keg (AKA toilet) he's sitting on in Brooding. He doesn't care; he does whatever the F he wants, because that's his style. He doesn't care what you think. He doesn't care what your mom thinks. In fact, screw it, you know who Ragnar is? He's the type of guy who, when you work at Accounting, and he works at HR, and some ****** from Sales comes in like he's the big cheese, and starts boasting about his new promotion, when you know that you deserved it, Ragnar would not just kill him out of spite, but he would then eat him and defecate in the coffin at the funeral, right in front of his parents. Don't judge; he does whatever he wants, because that's how he rolls.
Astrid is a lesbian.
*Stay tuned for ShadoWar - The Abridged Series!*
P.S. Due to high demand (LordAggro), I am back for more improvisational verbal diarrhea about how ShadoWar is awesome, and you're un-American for disagreeing.
Temujin is so fricken frick. He's clearly Asian, but he doesn't look it, so? He hangs out with animals, he doesn't have to give a s--t about you. You KNOW he's fxxking those animals (learning ENDURANCE from a HORSE? I bet ;D). Are you having sex with animals? Hell no you're not you uncool *****. He'll know you're coming because his Hawk is alert or smells semen or some s--t, and he like, steals stuff and doesn't pay for the stuff he steals. Well, OK, to be fair, like, sometimes he pays them back, like, he often drops his American Express card, and by the time he realizes he's dropped it, he realizes his credit card is worth more than what he stole, so often he'll go back and trade his card for the stolen goods...but otherwise, he just takes stuff, and poops on the floor wherever he stole said items from. He doesn't care; his pole has a...dragon...lol, head (sorry, couldn't type that with a straight...wrist?).
Marius Gaius is the fricken man! THIS IS SPARTA! Or whatever Romans say. Who cares, he's white, probably American AND Republican, and he could kick your God's ass any day, and probably eats Taco Bell 7 times a day. He likes actions, which means he probably gets laid a LOT, or he beats minorities. What? I'm not racist, I swear, I'm just saying the likelihood of him being...it's high. OK. It's high. Either way, with his big fat belly, you KNOW he's got candy in him. Somewhere. Either he's got candy inside of him, or Madea from Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail.
Kyo-food or bukkake or whatever shim's name is is fricken HOSS! Hoss with a capital H for Halloween, which described her pumpkin head. Why does she have a pumpkin head? Dude stfu why do you keep asking so much f'k questions? She uses a pumpkin head because she's a total brown-bagger otherwise. So what if she's a butterface? She can cut your kugal sack off and eat it and watch the Shawshank Redemption twice without falling asleep before you'd even notice she did it. Can you? S--t no you can't, homo.
Kisheri is black.
