Prior to going in to a possible combat situation, the Arbites character "set his shockmaul from Stun to Kill" in good old fashioned StarTrek fashion.

Both he and the assassin walk in to a Slums area on a space station and call out "We're looking for a girl, must look about ten years old, must have blonde hair for our own purposes".

This gets the natives restless to say the least, and a combat pretty soon starts up.

Up pops a Vermin Speaker (the 10 year old they were looking for), her psyker mentor and a Brute type mutant abomination (corpulant, unnatural str/tou x2 and the like).

The girl had one major discipline, rolled at random and used Biomancy/Shape the Flesh to start to rip his arm of the only way she could think of at the time, ie stick her clawed fingers in him just where his augmetic arm meets his body..

The Mentor & Brute just advance (after using Spasm to drop the Arbites, having Not seen the Assassin hiding round the corner).

The Arbites next action, having already drawn his shock maul, but lost a half action due to the spasm, decides to take a swing at the girl who's still physically merged with him.

"My mauls still set to kill, it'll discharge most of its power...."

Hit. 4 degrees of success. so i let him roll 5 lots of damage. the girl makes half of her Toughness checks to resist the stucn, but still gets criticalled by the damage regardless.

The Arbites fails 4 of his 5 toughness checks and has the damage channelled in to him As well seeing as he's merged with her.

The damage after all his armour & toughness also gives him a Torso Crit 15 (also known as 10+ and then some)

Cripsy Fried Arbites.

Assassin legs it, just.

The Brute and the Mentor live to laugh at the mushy crispy stuff sent from Him on Terra.

Half hour later, after rolling a new character, the player says "could i have spent a fate point to have not died?"

"Sure, if you'd have done it at the time. The rest of the party have already found some of your remains so its a bit late now dude.."

Now i want to know what the Secret Spices & Herbs are that the Colonel uses in his KFC coating...

Well we had a few:


On Kulth:

The Acolytes were exploring a mystery in the trenches of Kulth when the bunker they were exploring was attacked by Orkz.
The guardsman immediatly manned the Bunker Autocannon to quickly kill the NobZ.

First Round:
Dakka...Dakka...Dakka... full auto, 85% chance of atleast hitting...88, **** missed them...
Okay I'll spend a Fate Point....91, again miss

OrkZ fire back, marginally damaging the Guardsman

Second Round:
Dakka...Dakka...Dakka... full auto, 85% chance of atleast hitting, again...86, **** missed them...
Okay I'll spend a Fate Point....99, again miss, and a jam!!!

Tech Priest uses Sacred Machine oil to unjam were up and running

Third Round:
Dakka...Dakka...Dakka... full auto, 85% chance to hit, rolls a 01....Whoohooo....
The Guardsman manages to kill them all in one go.

Fourth Round:
Warboss in Mega Armour jumps in...

Guardsman: Haha, I'm on a roll now....full auto on the Warboss...
Roll and 21....he is dead meat... *Click*

Adept: Did you check the ammo as I told before we entered this bunker?
Guardsman/Assassin/Adept/Tech Priest/Psyker: FRAK!!!!

They did survive the encounter by running away but they were out of commission for two weeks...LOL

House of Dust & Ash:

Every was going to hell as the Slaught Overseer attacked them, the Guardsman took a hit but survived but had 0 wounds left.
The assassin was feeling particullary heroic as she charged him saying:"I'll hold him off, you guys go to the tomb, don't worry, I can take him"

Obviously the Assassin had to burn a Fate Point after the first blow landed true....


On their own ship:

Their ship was being boarded and their Interrogator ordered them to flee. They decided to quickly take the elevators to get to the hanger asap.
When the doors of the elevator opened up 4 Logician Troopers went full auto on them and their henchies.
They'll never take an elevator again.

A bit later on their own ship:

They encountered the traitor that sold them out a few sessions earlier, a former acolyte.
The pursued him and the assassin managed corner him.
She was crippled by the traitors Plasma Pistol, next round thinking the plasma pistol could not fire again the Tech-Priest charged him.
The Tech-Priest was right, the plasma pistol could not fire, but he did not anticipate the Quick-Draw Talent and a Bolt Pistol...Fate Point.

For it to qualify for a Darwin, it has to be monumentally stupid, and either fatal or otherwise remove the recipient from the gene-pool (although honorary Darwins are awarded for near-fatal incidents).

Santiago, I'm afraid none of yours (bar the first) really qualify in terms of sheer idiocy; although they are still awesome stories.

A fun one from my old group- the party was briefed that they had a contact in the IN, and to maintain cover he was going to have them 'arrested' by a customs party from Naval Security's Battlefleed Disciplinary Detachment. So they're onboard an IN Eagle assault shuttle, on their way to meet the Commodore acting as Port Admiral (their contact) aboard an orbiting battle-station. And they decide to hijack it. The psyker attempts to Dominate the pilot, fails, and gets a Peril- Chronological Incontinence.
He disappears, and in the confusion the rest of the party breaks free, overpower the guards (thanks to some very lucky dice rolls) and crew, only to realise that no-one bar the psyker had Pilot (Military Craft). The closest anyone had was the arbitor, with Drive (Ground Vehicles). He takes the controls, and pulls hard out of their nice stable vector. The shuttle starts tumbling all over the place, throttles flaring up and down. Unsurprisingly, the station's Officer of the Watch sees this, and hails them, asking if they were in distress. Unsurprisingly, the answer (from the party cleric) does nothing to reassure him, and in fact convinces him that they have indeed hijacked the shuttle. Fury interceptors are launched to try and convince them to come quietly ("It's your choice; heading two-seven-niner or a scattered ballistic tumble. Where do you want to go today? "), so the arbitor decides to try evasive action. They wind up on a near-fatal dive towards the planet (which does, at least, get them safely away from the Furies; the ready squadron wasn't fitted for atmospheric ops), which the arbitor somehow manages to stabilise and turn into a safe flight pattern (having rolled 02 on his Pilot check and needing a -13 to pass: good thing for automatic passes at 01-05).
At around this point (actually during the start of the crazy evasive re-entry dive, but it took me a while to get back round to him), the psyker rematerialises in the same spot he disappeared from- somewhere in orbit around Landunder. If the shuttle hadn't been moving, he'd be fine (although breaking the laws of physics), but as it was he suddenly found himself hanging in space without a suit. He quickly found out that explosive decompression both sucks and blows.
Back to the shuttle and its' problems: having somehow managed to level out, the arbitor is looking for somewhere to ditch/put down. Unfortunately, to do that, he has to fly level(ish). The Officer of the Watch, up on the station, sees a shuttle full of hijackers trying to escape, and orders them destroyed. There are no aerospace elements available that can reach the acolytes' shuttle in time, so he orders one of the lance barbettes to take them down. If the Commodore, or his Chief of Staff (the only ones who knew about the acolytes and their scheduled secret meeting with the Commodore) had been present, they would have countermanded the order, but they weren't.

One shot later, and there was nothing left of the party except a desiccated and ruptured corpse in a decaying orbit, a few small bits of burning debris and a big glowing crater.

While they all had fate points, they unanimously decided that it would be much cooler (and far more like the grimdark Imperium) if they let it stand and rolled up new characters. They did, and I ran them through Illumination at the 'same time' the events over Landunder were happening (almost- they got a glimpse of their old characters during their briefing, as the old them was just setting off).

Alasseo: In my group we have ruled that with that peril it was not meant to be an automatic death sentence so we have them reappear relative to their surroundings when they winked out. Remember planets are spinning and moving through the solar ystem. The solar system is spinning around the galactic core... which is .. well you get the idea.

My best one comes from when the cleric had just disarmed a bomb that would set off a bunch of explosives (a lot) in a munitions warehouse. He had just succeded(not hard to do as it was not actually set up to explode yet) when the enemy cult leader (sorceror) showed up with a couple toughs to check on the bomb and make finishing touches. They were both very surprised to see the other and the cleric won initiative, of course he immediatly bathed the heretics in the purifying flame of his flamethrower.... The death toll was enormous.

Moral of the story? Warehouse of explosives + flamer = bad.

Oh, I know Ilsoth. I occasionally rule they appear in the same place relative to the system primary, but at the time keeping it relative to the planet's surface was good enough. I would have happily let him spend/burn a fate point to have it reappear back inside the shuttle, but he decided it was far more entertaining this way.

Occasionally I rule it was relative to the planet's core- which meant they didn't wind up in deep space, but they would appear at the same altitude some way to the west (the exact distance would depend upon the planet's rotational velocity); which while not necessarily a death sentence is close to it if it happens in a hive spire...

Completely stupid and killing/maimig themselves? I got one:

The first adventure i play with a group to get aquainted with the rules is 'Edge of Darkness'.

My first group was not toooo keen on the quiet-part. Here are the two (imo) stupidest things they did:

They tried to get information from the gang in the Union Hall, but instead of asking/bribing they decide to go in, throw a total of 5 hallucination grenades around and start shooting. After 5 rounds they had to fall back due to the heavy resistance. Wow, armed gangers ... who would have thought?

As a respond to their sniffing-around the Churgeon sends 5 Body Snatchers after them. I (as GM) decided that the energy coil in them could blow up, like carried around ammo. Now, one of the 5 Acolytes was allready down with 0 wounds, and when the Body Snatchers knocked on their door (they really just knocked politely) the Psyker opens it, gets pushed back and they storm the apartement. In the fight our gunslinger shoots one Snatcher with his dual-wielded Bolt Pistols, and makes him go 'booom!'. With a 'cool!' as a respond as a player he starts shooting the other in hope of blowing up all of them, sending all the other players down to 1-3 Hitpoints or critical. the char who was allready down with 0 hitpoints had to spend a fatepoint to survive (i told him he needed only one to survive, otherwise he would have needed 5, one for each eyxploding Body Snatcher).

Hilarious death or near death, yeah I got about a dozen stories.

1. PCs exploring a wrecked xeno ship encounter an obvious generator of some kind hooked directly into the ships power system with cables and the like. The generator looks like a front loader washing machine but it is crusted with ice and the air and floor are all freezing cold. So instead of searching for an off switch it or unplugging the cables they decide to throw krak grenades at it. Nedless to say it was a tiny Gellar Field generator that pulled energy directly from a stable warp rift. They blew the crap out of it and now we had a very nasty unstable warp rift that spawned a couple minor deamons before closing. Then the running and the screaming...

2. When making a deal "Come alone at noon" with a known criminal associated with an assassins guild the players are asked how they would like to approach the meeting at noon on a deserted beach area. "We show up at 10 and walk up". "All of you?" "Yeah" Blam Blam Boom Dakka Dakka Dakka, "Ahh my arm, AAAH my leg, AAAHHH my face" fate being burned...

Oh my, I've got several.

On Reth, during an entertainment cruiser:

Someone pumped hallucinogenic gas in the ship's ventilation. Our hero, the Arbiter, finds the culprit, a Tech-Priest who's messing around with the gas-tanks. He interrogates the guy, gets the information he wants and then commands the AdMech to fix the mess he did. The Arbiter has his combat shotgun at the ready, and the Tech-Priest had just put the ventilation back to normal, he's crouched down in front of the gas-canister.

"Are you finished?"

"Yes, I have don-" then the Arbiter shoots him in the head.

Full-auto.

In a room full of canisters containing compressed gas, some of it hallucinogenic in nature.

Somehow the Arbiter survives the explosion, but falls under the effects of the gas. Gets the one about aliens coming out of the walls, so he continues firing.

If that was any consolation, the whole ship sunk because of this stunt.

--------

On Kulth

As LEGION3000 just put it, characters without Tech-Use are great at disabling devices through violence.

Picture this: There's this unknown xeno device that's syphoning energy from a reactor.

An Ork reactor, mind you.

A thermal Ork reactor atop an active volcano, to be exact.

An active volcano in a plateau rich with Promethium, which sometimes results in cracks through the rocks that keep spilling flames for years at a time.

I am sure even the most unbalanced amongst you would not consider it a good idea to be careless about such a device.

One of my players, however, decided that the best thing to do was to bludgeon the thing with his Hammer until it stopped working.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you blow up a planet by accident.

fake edit: in my player's defense, the device was summoning a Necron monolith. And if my PCs have a phobia against anything, it would be Necrons.

I have others, but I think that's enough for one post.

No good DH one's yet, and as my best is a different game/setting, I'll keep it brief.

Long-running, now high-level, Planescape game. Players are doing a raid (initially a stealth raid, but then they got carried away) on an out-of favor minor Abyssal Lord's fortress retreat (i.e. well defended, but no standing army or anything nearby). Halfway through the fortress this conversation ensued:

Druid: "Crap, I'm nearly spent. I've blown too much of my big spells already."

Wizard/Assassin: "Me too, I don't think we'll be in good shape for facing the leader later."

Psychic Warrior: "Hmm, I'm about half-empty, but we've got more ground to cover yet... I could go for a rest."

Group as a whole: "Yeah good idea, let's heal up and make camp."

Me (GM): (Probably giving the most shocked look of my GMing career, especially as these folks were usually tactically brilliant) "Wait, you want to make camp on the writhing, screaming, STILL AWARE flesh of the damned, in the middle of an Abyssal Fortress you haven't even cleared out?"

Group: "Yeah sure, why not. Hey, if they come to us it'll be that much easier to kill them. We'll set an ambush! It's a win/win!"

Me: /facepalm "Ok, who am I to tell you no?"

Group: (Bizarrely sure that nothing could go wrong) "Hell yeah."

Then the elite strike forces of the lord's army (not like a strike team mind you, more like a strike regiment), that was a fair distance away, opens the wall they were camped against about 5 hours later. Proceeding to slaughter them all... the fortress helped. >_<

Illumination Spoilers

During Illumination my players were generally aresing around, the guy playing the Psyker was reading my copy of the Imperial Infantrymans Uplifiting Primer, which I had brought down for the guard player. As is natural he looked up the entry for Samctioned Psyker and read it out to us basically describing how the procedure when a Psyker acts funny is to kill them on site in case they are possessed.

They then sat out in the hills all night and I attacked them with multiple Hexalids (it doesnt actually say what happens if they spend the night there and I figured the crow father would take another shot at them). The following morning was the plainsong ceremony and the Psyker player decided that his character was going to sleep though it as he had not been to bed. Aristarches told the guardsman that the rest of them were to attend the ceremony and the Guardsman went to get the Psyker up. He knocked on the door and asked him to get up and was told to bugger off and let him sleep. He then opened the door and said "come on we have been told to attend." The psyker replied by raising his hands and saying "oogahhboogah boogah" or something like that, when he didn't leave he used touch of madness on him, the psyker passed the willpower check to resist the power and immediately brought his lasgun up and put three rounds into the psykers torso ending him.

Considering that he had read out the punishment for acting stupid not more than 2 hours ago for acting strange it was an insanely stupid act. I still wont let him live it down.

Kaihlik

I had the cell pursuing a halo-powered creature through the city at night time, aided by a Beast House slaver and his pet psyker. They defeated him in an epic battle on top of a church, where he fell dramatically from the rooftop, smashed into the ground, and, several minutes later, got up and ran away. The assassin pursued on foot, and he started climbing at utterly spectacular speed up the side of a massive skyscraper, gaining speed as his bones reknit themselves. The assassin, who had finished a bottle of wine IRL, tells me she wants to follow him up the side of the building, even as the Beast house rep howls over microbead to everyone that his speeder's en-route and that they should stay put to mount an effective pursuit.

Me:"Kryptmann's climbing faster than any human being could ever hope to, and vanishes into the mists above your head"

Her:"I have my axe-rake to help me climb."

Me:"You have no idea how tall the building is, but for all you know it could be hundreds of stories. It's at least 20 stories to the top, it could take a very long time to climb".

Her:"I don't care, I'm not letting him get away again!" (in her defence, they'd had a whale of a time tracking this guy down, especially after his corpse was reanimated after his execution the first time they'd brought him to justice)

So I let her climb. Everyone else boards the speeder, and, sweeping the city with the auspex and locational information of the assassin, they follow the antagonist up, shooting him as he climbs, and dropping to the rooftop to finish him off "up close and personal".

The assassin misses the entire combat.

Also, despite rolling epic successes to climb the building, Rolling in secret for her fatigue levels revealed a series of evil botches that see her losing her grip and falling exhausted to splatter on the streets below...

We had a guardsman who was a tab bit impatient. We needed to storm a building full of cultists, and the quickest way in was through the front courtyard. We had arranged for a squad of arbiters to enter the building while we supplied cover fire, then we would move in and start clearing the building. The squad was about halfway across and taking heavy fire when our guardsman said, "Slow pokes!" and sprinted across the courtyard and kicked in the door. As we all stared with our mouths agape, he was literaly torn apart by four cultists set to full auto. His head was a red mist and his right leg and arm where blown off... the response from the group was, "Well, at least the door is open now."

Here's mine for ya.

My group had just arrived aboard "The Vigilance". Their own personal strike cruiser provided by the =I=. They were getting to know the crew and had not yet been introduced to the tech-priest aboard. As the core of the group is talking to the captain and he's answering their questions about the ship and it's crew the psyker decided to wander off to the engine rooms. There he finds the tech-priest and decides to freak him out by using Distort Vision. Well what he missed by not listening to the Captain was that this particular tech-priest wasn't fond of psykers and had a tention for venting his frustrations at the end of a heavy bolter. The psyker was cut to ribbons and the 4 grenades he had on him exploded. He burned a fate point to stay alive and was left as a blind, deaf bloody torso with a head. The ship was badly damaged in the process and the rest of the team decided to continue their investigation while the ship was left in orbit. They leave and the captain orders his first mate to pick up the psyker and take him to the medical bay. The psyker following this characters paranoia and not being able to hear or see anything decides to manifest a fearful aura when the first mate picks him up. The first mate fails his will save horribly and goes nuts, pulling the autogun from his back blasts the captain of ship and puts half a clip of lead into the already unstable warp reactor. The rest of the group got a great fireworks display down on the planet.