X-Wing Wives

By Mikael Hasselstein, in X-Wing

Just my 7 cents.. First my Wife and Daughter do not play X-wing but we have played other board games like rail Barron. but nothing "miniature" related. We don't play at a local game store as we don't really have one its basically a comic book store that sells "Magic" packages.. It used to be a game store!!! however it IS the stereo typical Big Bang theory comic book store!! My Daughter ( who is 18 and dresses like the gal from Mirrors edge or 50's glam star depending on her mode) accompanied me to the store once to pick up some Tie advanced's that were on clearance. It was funny as just about everyone stopped playing "magic" and started looking at her and she wasn't dressed slutty just nice (As a Dad I don't let her do slutty). i mean the whole store practically just stopped and looked at her. i knew a few of the guys and went over to talk with them but the others were all in full wolowitz mode!!!! Some women like all that attention but most that i know wont put up with it so they don't go to game stores. thus effectually killing all hope of getting more women integrated into the local gaming community. I mean the sexist stereo types are ingrained into the gaming community just browse the HCD site... http://www.hcdsupplies.com I mean the ONLY thing they sell that doesn't have a big breasted women on it is the two starwars space mats they sell!!! Don't get my wrong I like looking at big breasted women as much as the next guy but just what does that have to do with gaming? or anybody watch that Cosplay show? what does that show feature? more of the same!!! just being honest but it is the reason i stopped at it while I was surfing... Granted there may be local game shops that don't fit the stereo type but when the manufactures PUSH the stereo type then its hard to resist... Just browse any of the big online gaming stores.... and its easy to find stuff like this http://www.miniaturemarket.com/cze01552-promo.html

Now on the other hand if they wanted to make studly cards/ figures for women more power to them!!! It just always seems like the women are ALWAYS less dressed then the men... or the men have armor on while the women just have basically an Armored bikini!! As a man i don't mind that but as a Husband and a Dad I can see how that would turn off most women!! But if your trying to appeal to 16 year old boys then yeah they have that demographic nailed!!! however that is NOT the demographic that has the cash to spend!! just saying!! kind of OT but when I was in the Airforce during the gulf war many folks started painting Nose art on the aircraft which was cool most of them were sexy women and i often wondered what would have happened if a gal maintainer painted a Stud on the side of the Aircraft..lol however after the war the P.C. police made everyone paint over the nose art except for a few select non-sexy ones.... It was probably for the best as we have even more women pilots now.

Edited by Swedge

after my long post i guess a way to sum things up is a Real woman trumps a make believe one any-day. Yet many gamers or even game designers; by perpetuating the stereotypes are sacrificing attracting real women to the game because they would rather act like Howard Wolowitz in the delusional thinking that women like that. Or they passively repel women by having everything they own or have created adorned with pictures of big breasted women!!!

We need to study society or group psychology to have a valid view??? There is no better education than experience.

You guys are still way over analyzing this nonsense. KISS keep it simple, stupid! Treat others with common courtesy and in a way you would like to be treated in return. The way I joke with a friend I've been gaming with for years will certainly not be on the same level I interact with a stranger in a pick up game. Some of those strangers in tine become your closest friends and the dynamics change.

The Geek gene runs heavier in the male stock, hence the higher ratio of male gamers. But again being a geek, socially awkward, pick your poison, etc... does not mean you are by default a pig or a-hole.

Berating another because you don't like someone's perceived attitude again is just as equally sexist as the one who makes an inappropriate remark. Nobody appointed any of us the white paladins of the female gender.

Act like a reasonable adult in public, pretty **** simple. How can reasonable treatment of a stranger be such a hot topic?

Just my ever so humble opinion. But then again, I am the sexist pig who says yes ma'am and opens the door for a lady.

2 more pages about the matter and WW will either be burn alive on the public place or forced to shave his head and seclude himself with the monks until he realise how AWEFUL his comment was....

Note to self: No more joke on this forum, you never know when it will offend someone...

Edited by Red Castle

Just my 7 cents.. My Daughter ( who is 18 and dresses like the gal from Mirrors edge or 50's glam star depending on her mode) accompanied me to the store once to pick up some Tie advanced's that were on clearance.

Clearance, huh? Were they free?

Just my 7 cents.. My Daughter ( who is 18 and dresses like the gal from Mirrors edge or 50's glam star depending on her mode) accompanied me to the store once to pick up some Tie advanced's that were on clearance.

Clearance, huh? Were they free?

I think they were like 7 bucks each... I got 6. All the had left

Well... The Devs did say we were going to get some love soon. I hope it pays off for you.

The Geek gene runs heavier in the male stock, hence the higher ratio of male gamers. But again being a geek, socially awkward, pick your poison, etc... does not mean you are by default a pig or a-hole.

You say this with such confidence, but what's your evidence that it's true? Do you honestly thing there's a DNA sequence on the Y-chromosome that codes for a fascination with little plastic spaceships? Do you have a well-supported theory for how this was a trait that allowed men - but not women - to survive, that made men preferable sexual partners for women? The latter certainly does not seem true from stereotypical observation.

I trust that you're saying this tongue-in-cheek.

I don't think that we're talking about being a geek, or socially awkward in general. I think we're trying to identify and call out forms of behavior that make it less likely for women who want to join our games to do so.

Edited by Mikael Hasselstein

I guess I don't really know what can be done to attract women to the hobby, outside of just trying to be more inclusive. I still like my theory of trying to hook them young, and teach my kids a healthy respect for gaming. It's more of a long-term solution, but it will hopefully contribute to a good foundation for the future.

What about trolling social media sites like Meetup? My FLGS uses it to coordinate their events. Could we make a better effort to identify female groups on such sites and specifically send invites when we know our local store will be hosting a tournament?

i dont know if geekiness runs heavily in the male genes but aspergers and autism do.

My wife has mild aspergers (its very rare in women) and I used to work with Autistic and Aspergers Spectrum children.

People on the aspergers spectrum can be more socially awkward, fond of rules and collections and 'order' and things like collectable and miniature gaming where there is a rulebook, limits, points values and more importantly you dont have to be too great at reading social signals (like you do if you hang out in youth clubs with the opposite sex as a teenager) really appeal to people on this spectrum.

it's a generalisation but I think that may be one reason for the weighting of 'more guys with obsessive niche hobbies'

I know quite a few male friends with aspergers.... nearly every one is heavily into wargaming

My wife finds it very hard to read social situations at times and loves spreadsheets to the point of obsessiveness. She enjoys mini gaming because there is a strong rules framework. If the rules change because she or I read them wrong it can unsettle her. I'd say she's quite geeky but her aspergers traits are probably more why she gets obsessive about hobbys or games like more men do.

I'm not saying all gamers are autistic or on that spectrum... i'm just saying wargaming does appeal to those on that spectrum (in my experience) and that people on the autism and aspergers spectrum are almost always male.

Edited by Gadge

i dont know if geekiness runs heavily in the male genes but aspergers and autism do.

My wife has mild aspergers (its very rare in women) and I used to work with Autistic and Aspergers Spectrum children.

People on the aspergers spectrum can be more socially awkward, fond of rules and collections and 'order' and things like collectable and miniature gaming where there is a rulebook, limits, points values and more importantly you dont have to be too great at reading social signals (like you do if you hang out in youth clubs with the opposite sex as a teenager) really appeal to people on this spectrum.

it's a generalisation but I think that may be one reason for the weighting of 'more guys with obsessive niche hobbies'

I know quite a few male friends with aspergers.... nearly every one is heavily into wargaming

My wife finds it very hard to read social situations at times and loves spreadsheets to the point of obsessiveness. She enjoys mini gaming because there is a strong rules framework. If the rules change because she or I read them wrong it can unsettle her. I'd say she's quite geeky but her aspergers traits are probably more why she gets obsessive about hobbys or games like more men do.

I'm not saying all gamers are autistic or on that spectrum... i'm just saying wargaming does appeal to those on that spectrum (in my experience) and that people on the autism and aspergers spectrum are almost always male.

I mostly agree, but I believe there are more females with autism spectrum disorders than you suggest. It's just that diagnoses of Asperger's are rarer in females, and it is common for them to have different symptoms than males, or to process similar symptoms differently.

Your wife may find some solidarity from the community over at https://www.aspiescentral.com/

Male with ASD here—Can confirm.

Sian was very much in denial for a long time, she's quite ok with it all now. I also make sure i dont do stuff which needlessly unsettles her or winds her up

Stuff many people might think crazy like doing things in the wrong order, leaving cupboards ajar (she likes them closed or full open) etc etc. You get used to it.

I wouldnt have married her otherwise :)

Sian was very much in denial for a long time, she's quite ok with it all now. I also make sure i dont do stuff which needlessly unsettles her or winds her up

Stuff many people might think crazy like doing things in the wrong order, leaving cupboards ajar (she likes them closed or full open) etc etc. You get used to it.

I wouldnt have married her otherwise :)

35 years into trying to find the positive attributes of this disorder—I am tired, but also content (most of the time). And while beset with trouble on all sides (filling out paper forms or applications induces panic, for example), still I maintain some mental tools and perspectives that most people don't. I am sure Sian understands similarly.

Good for her, though—and you. I know enough that am profoundly fortunate to have the support that I have with my wife, and I am sure yours appreciates your thoughtfulness as well.
Edited by aadh

Yeah we get on pretty perfectly

I'm a quite chaotic, creative type, good with words and people

She's fantastic with numbers, systems and order (not quite 'rain man' but a fantastic memory when it comes to numbers)

Works well as she manages a stats heavy dept of a university and lectures business maths and statistics there.

I'm a work at home magazine editor and freelance writer for the wargames industry

Beats having to hire an accountant when it is tax return time! :)

Edited by Gadge

If its any concillation.... paperwork and forms make me panic... i literally stress out with application forms. As they are structured and have a 'system' Sian loves them so helps me out with any i need to do.

I'm far too disorganised and *real world* 'fly casual'.

So I'm on page 3 and I can't believe I have to read another 8 pages before I can post on (for example) how my wife almost beat me again in a rematch last night, it was down to 1 hull each and the Luke Skywalker crew card saved my behind with the focus-to-hit clause.

In the mean time I have these two things to say.
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FFG you screwed up making Princess Leia a discarded card.
Throwing fluff and flavor out the window for a cheap tumble.
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Edited by gabe69velasquez

If its any concillation.... paperwork and forms make me panic... i literally stress out with application forms. As they are structured and have a 'system' Sian loves them so helps me out with any i need to do.

I'm far too disorganised and *real world* 'fly casual'.

Do you guys know your Myers-Briggs personality types?

14998775351_9fd121bbcf_o.jpg

If its any concillation.... paperwork and forms make me panic... i literally stress out with application forms. As they are structured and have a 'system' Sian loves them so helps me out with any i need to do.

I'm far too disorganised and *real world* 'fly casual'.

Do you guys know your Myers-Briggs personality types?

It changes every single time I take it, but boils down to IS[F/T]J with no statistical preference for Feeling over Thinking, and just a slight edge of Sensing over Intuition. And I figure that makes enough sense; I've always felt like my logical and emotional processes are both grinding away at 100% all the time– instead of at a nice, workload-managed balance. F*cking exhausting.

If its any concillation.... paperwork and forms make me panic... i literally stress out with application forms. As they are structured and have a 'system' Sian loves them so helps me out with any i need to do.

I'm far too disorganised and *real world* 'fly casual'.

Do you guys know your Myers-Briggs personality types?

nah no idea, i don't really buy into all that to much to be honest.

Not sure how i missed the start of this thread. Anyway. My wife is a big SF/Fantasy fan but not a gamer. However she understands the appeal in an abstract way and is supportive of my habits. I'm pretty sure from the expressions she sometimes gets when i'm going off on a long high speed and probably repetitious rant about some minor detail of ship design or complaining about the hideous ugliness of certain craft, that she would like me to shut up. But she has experience with such hyper moods from her bipolar disorder and therefore shows pity on me.
She was however getting a bit tired of losing me to the computer in the other room while i designed my 3d models so when it got to the point that our old comp couldnt handle the detail levels we replaced it with a laptop so i could be with her while working which is better all around. Of course now she gets to deal with my irate rants when i read something particularly inane on Facebook or see the name of JJ Abrams typed somewhere.
She has a good eye for aesthetics however even with things she has little interest in so if i find myself a bit stuck with a ships design i can run an idea by her and be pretty sure she will have some good input.
She is learning important things through some sort of osmosis as well and can now recognize different Mobile Suits and Yamato ships on sight as well as understanding why the Defender and ships that rotate around the cockpit are daft.

Edited by Gosric

But the Defender doesn't rotate around the cockpit. Why is it daft?

Joking on the Internet just fails so many times. It can never come across as it does in person.

This is all for naught anyway: 1. It's on the internet, so right there you know you are wasting your time. 2. If those identified as needing to alter their behavior did so, it wouldn't attract any more female gamers. Those females who would be interested in the game are likely here already. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. A bunch of girls can alter their behavior all they want but it's not about to sway me to there knitting club.

Alright, about time I put my two cents in here. These are just my experiences and opinions based on said experiences with the topic.

I'm lucky to have a gaming wife. She played Magic long before she met me, and when we met, she was already at least as big a Star Wars nerd as I. She likes a lot of other sci-fi and fantasy stuff as well, and enjoys video games be it XBox or Wii. We play a number of board games together (though not as often as I would like), but I still haven't tried to get her to play X-Wing.

Like most games, I know she'll try it once for me, but I'm not getting my hopes up beyond that. She might like the scenarios, though the aren't my first choice in gaming. She, like most women/female gamers, in my experience, seems to prefer goal-oriented gaming to conflict-oriented gaming. Things like direct combat and simply trying to kill the other player don't appeal to her/them as much as trying to achieve specific goals. My wife even enjoys Taanhauser if we play objective scenarios. But her favorite games are things like Ticket to Ride (which she also just purchased for the iPad). Granted, you can get pretty mean in TtR, blocking other players' routes, but that's not typically how we play.

Overall, I'd say my experiences seems to line up pretty well with the rest of this thread. Tournaments also wouldn't be her thing. She enjoys casual competition with friends, but a more high-stakes environment like a tournament in a store just doesn't appeal to her. If it was all friends? I think she might try it then. But hours on end with strangers, no.

So I guess my opinion on getting wives/significant others (more) into gaming would be to stick to the casual, less conflict (not necessarily co-op, though that seems to go over well, too) stuff.