So, picking up from this thread and this thread, I'd like to talk about our wives. (At least, the wives of those of us who have them.)

For starters, my personal: I came into this game from a rampant SW enthusiasm that had its outlet in online narrative roleplaying. My wife loves Star Wars, but wants no part of that. I saw X-Wing at the FLGS, and thought it might be a way to play SW with her. She gave it a shot at the quick-start game level, but the complexity turned her off. She's just not a gamer. She will agree to play with me (quick-start game only) and even then I can tell she's just doing it to appease me - which entirely fails because 1) quick-start game only, and 2) if she's just doing to appease me and not having fun, then the whole thing falls flat.

At my FLGS, I've seen one wife play with a much more understanding and skill - she was authentically beating her husband - but with a similar bemusedness, and no real urge to play independently with another opponent when her husband squared off against me.

From the other threads, I do read that other members here have had more success integrating their wives into the game. While my experiences above might just be functions of these two particular women, I do think that there's something structural in what keeps more women from joining the game. I'd be interested to learn your experiences in this regard, so that I can understand this a bit better than just my sample of 2.

hmm... yeah. I got my wife to play a few games with me though I can tell that she's just doing it for me. She isn't constantly on the forums or trying to come up with the next best squad or combo.. sigh.

at least she played with me though, i could probably get her to play again though i think i'll just hold out for my son to get a bit older...

Dude, finding the gamer girl who wants to go to the game store with you and roll dice is like finding an albino unicorn! Very rare and very special!

Mostly, my wife for example 'tolerates' me spending money on little plastic toys, be that 40K or X-Wing. She understood going into this venture she was marring a gamer and that aside from other vices I could have, gaming is a much safer and more social form of recreation. So she accepts it.

Joining in, good luck to you brother. Every time I talk about my games she rolls her head. lol Lucky she loves me!

My experiences are very similar to yours. My wife loves Star Wars, even though she had never seen it until we started dating a few years ago, and I made her watch it. But she doesn't have a whole lot of interest in this game. She likes board games a lot, we play Settlers of Catan with friends, and other games like that. But she can never seem to really get into this game. When we do play, it's like you said, I feel she is just playing to make me happy. So we rarely play.

She gives it her all, and tries her best (and she wins 90% of the time), but if I never asked her to play again, then we probably would never play together. It's just not her thing. Not sure if it's the complexity or what, but it's just not clicking for her. She totally supports me in my hobby though, she wanted to come to Imdaar Alpha to watch me play, and she's always encouraging of me to go to the league at our LGS, but I don't know it's just not for her personally. Which is totally fine, I look forward to playing this game with my son when we start having kids.

My wife has zero interest in playing this game. She loves Cataan, Lords of Waterdeep, Ticket to Ride, and a bunch of other Euro style games. She just doesn't like Star Wars. She knows enough of it to be able to make a few comments about it, she knew that when she saw my "Red Five" t-shirt that it was one of the pilots from ANH (and of course asked which of the Starfleet ships it was, just to annoy me), and she knows enough to make fun of BSG, Doctor Who and Star Wars.

She knows I like playing, so she never begrudges me for heading off to the FLGS for a few matches.

I don't have a wife, but I have a 50" TV,XBox One, Doulby 5.1 surround system and black out curtains.

Who's the real winner here?

People with wives, a loving family, and a future.

See: Not people like you and I.

__________________________________________________________________________

Never dated despite trying, but if I ever have a significant other I guarantee they'll share an interest in star wars and other Sci-Fi otherwise they will not BE a significant other. In which I can actually contribute to this thread- but that's soooome time down the road.

I'm sure X-Wing is no different from most other typically geeky, male-dominated games/subcultures - women are not driven to participate, or are actively driven away, by the fact that many (not all or even necessarily most, but many) "men" in these communities have no idea how to treat women.

My gaming group isn't sexist, per se, but my girlfriend is a little turned off by excessive profanity and rudeness. It's boys being boys, I guess, but she doesn't want any part of it.

hmm... yeah. I got my wife to play a few games with me though I can tell that she's just doing it for me. She isn't constantly on the forums or trying to come up with the next best squad or combo.. sigh.

at least she played with me though, i could probably get her to play again though i think i'll just hold out for my son to get a bit older...

Well, being on the forums may not be too indicative of what we might want. There are certainly other outlets of enthusiasm. Building squads is a better gauge, I would think. I think the real kicker is that you can feel that she's just doing it for you. In my case, that really takes the fun out of it.

It's like sex with an unenthusiastic partner. At that point, you might as well. ... erm... be in the room with the 50" TV,XBox One, Doulby 5.1 surround system and black out curtains, where no one can see you.... well, you know.

Arrrrrg can't find the originals they were great... we got the ladies a bit drunk and they posed in my replicas.

****... I had a great shot of Fett with a wine bottle...

I'm sure X-Wing is no different from most other typically geeky, male-dominated games/subcultures - women are not driven to participate, or are actively driven away, by the fact that many (not all or even necessarily most, but many) "men" in these communities have no idea how to treat women.

My gaming group isn't sexist, per se, but my girlfriend is a little turned off by excessive profanity and rudeness. It's boys being boys, I guess, but she doesn't want any part of it.

Here's the thing though, at my FLGSs, I don't actually see the the behavior that you suggest. For all the near-100% maleness of it, it's a very far cry from being the stereotypical football locker room. (Now, not having been a football player, I may be erroneously stereotyping the locker room, but I trust that you take my point.) On the other hand, I do see a bit more sexist talk here on the forum, so it may just be that my FLGSs are more polite than is normal.

My girlfriend is a gamer, Magic the gathering, Warmachine, tabletop role playing (pathfinder/D&D etc), and videogames. As of yet, she has not played x-wing with me or displayed any interest in it, but she is involved in 3 of my 4 hobbies, magic pathfinder and Warmachine, and I am grateful for that, but the fact that she doesn't play x-wing is good. It's important to do things together, but also important to have something that's just yours as well.

So,

My wife and oldest daughter (15) both play. We attended Gencon together this last weekend, and my wife attends League night with me every week and is an active playtester. At one point this weekend she made a point to tell me that she had only spent $17 on her own games so far that day, in order to leave us more money to spend in the FFG booth on X-Wing product (as well as Conquest). I own at least 4 and usually 6 to 8 of every ship (except epic, 2 each of those) so that we can all have a sufficient number of ships when playing against one another. The second time she went to a tournament with me, she beat me in the finals so thoroughly she was irritated because she had the impression I must have thrown it in order to be crushed so completely.

At one point on Wednesday night after coming in 2nd/3rd on the first day of qualifying, I looked up and saw my wife and daughter arm in arm, singing and smiling because they were happy and having a great time. I remarked to Legionthree who was standing next to me that I am always a very fortunate man, but sometimes I am just more aware of it than other times. That was one of those wonderful moments where you KNOW how blessed you are.

Don't give up, they are out there. And if you find one, hold on. :-)

I've tried and tried to get my wife to play this game.

Even said I'd do anything she wants in return.

No go.

She's not really into star wars like I am.

She does enjoy playing games on the ps3-4 with me, she loves left 4 dead and rpg games like final Fantasy. She has a lvl 57 mage in diablo 3

She also loves Sci fi movies like aliens and anything with zombies in it, like the walking dead, or any game with zombies like dead island

Plus when we are buying things like a new TV she wants to go with the best.

I guess I can't complain.

Can't have the best of both worlds

My girlfriend is a gamer, Magic the gathering, Warmachine, and videogames. As of yet, she has not played x-wing with me or displayed any interest in it, but she is involved in 2 of my 3 hobbies, magic and Warmachine, and I am grateful for that, but the fact that she doesn't play x-wing is good. It's important to do things together, but also important to have something that's just yours as well.

Yes, there is this. In my case, however, I was actively looking for something we could do together. Admittedly, I also really wanted to get my SW-geek on, but my intentions were good. (Right? )

Now, she feels that I spend too much time with X-Wing and not enough with her. It's not really fair of me to tell her "well, let's play X-Wing together, if she really doesn't enjoy the game - which it is clear she doesn't.

At that point, you might as well. ... erm... be in the room with the 50" TV,XBox One, Doulby 5.1 surround system and black out curtains, where no one can see you.... well, you know.

...Cry in a corner due to a life of unfilfillment and lonliness, surrounded by objects that are just that- objects, incapable of reciprocating emotions and so on, living each day as a hollow existence without someone to place your utmost confidence in?

My girlfriend is a gamer, Magic the gathering, Warmachine, and videogames. As of yet, she has not played x-wing with me or displayed any interest in it, but she is involved in 2 of my 3 hobbies, magic and Warmachine, and I am grateful for that, but the fact that she doesn't play x-wing is good. It's important to do things together, but also important to have something that's just yours as well.

Yes, there is this. In my case, however, I was actively looking for something we could do together. Admittedly, I also really wanted to get my SW-geek on, but my intentions were good. (Right? )

Now, she feels that I spend too much time with X-Wing and not enough with her. It's not really fair of me to tell her "well, let's play X-Wing together, if she really doesn't enjoy the game - which it is clear she doesn't.

You just have to find what you both enjoy, and find a good balance between that and xwing.

At that point, you might as well. ... erm... be in the room with the 50" TV,XBox One, Doulby 5.1 surround system and black out curtains, where no one can see you.... well, you know.

...Cry in a corner due to a life of unfilfillment and lonliness, surrounded by objects that are just that- objects, incapable of reciprocating emotions and so on, living each day as a hollow existence without someone to place your utmost confidence in?

I suppose that's an option. Probably not one that's particularly effective at solving your problem. But, IIRC, you're out in the boonies somewhere and just need to get out.

So,

My wife and oldest daughter (15) both play. We attended Gencon together this last weekend, and my wife attends League night with me every week and is an active playtester. At one point this weekend she made a point to tell me that she had only spent $17 on her own games so far that day, in order to leave us more money to spend in the FFG booth on X-Wing product (as well as Conquest). I own at least 4 and usually 6 to 8 of every ship (except epic, 2 each of those) so that we can all have a sufficient number of ships when playing against one another. The second time she went to a tournament with me, she beat me in the finals so thoroughly she was irritated because she had the impression I must have thrown it in order to be crushed so completely.

At one point on Wednesday night after coming in 2nd/3rd on the first day of qualifying, I looked up and saw my wife and daughter arm in arm, singing and smiling because they were happy and having a great time. I remarked to Legionthree who was standing next to me that I am always a very fortunate man, but sometimes I am just more aware of it than other times. That was one of those wonderful moments where you KNOW how blessed you are.

Don't give up, they are out there. And if you find one, hold on. :-)

That is a great story KineticOperator! My 9-Year old son attends league nights with me, and is currently sitting in 5th place. I have three younger then him who are all looking forward to being old enough to go on a game night.

I just need to wait until they are old enough to not break someone else's toys... 7 is the hard age I have set.

I am curious what Mom will do when all 4 of the brood join me on game nights though...

My wife's not a gamer, although she's played Carcassonne and Zombies!!!, and enjoyed them. Just waiting for my daughter and son to get a little older before introducing them.

Until then, we've got the 65" TV, 5.1 Surround, PS3, and Star Wars on Blu-Ray to tide them over.

At that point, you might as well. ... erm... be in the room with the 50" TV,XBox One, Doulby 5.1 surround system and black out curtains, where no one can see you.... well, you know.

...Cry in a corner due to a life of unfilfillment and lonliness, surrounded by objects that are just that- objects, incapable of reciprocating emotions and so on, living each day as a hollow existence without someone to place your utmost confidence in?

I suppose that's an option. Probably not one that's particularly effective at solving your problem. But, IIRC, you're out in the boonies somewhere and just need to get out.

Agreed. Whenever that'll be.

My girlfriend likes to play the game occasionally (even requests it). I usually try to find a goofy list I want to play (usually involves a shuttle, since I'm not good with it right now) and I give her a good/fun/simple to play list that has a good edge over what I have. It's fun and all, but I think it doesn't let her improve as much, since I always prepare the lists. Maybe I should take her to the FLGS...

Edit: Maybe I should mention she's a big geek and she's very much into boardgaming. She's a Dominion monster (5000+ games on isotropic), she plays Catan on her phone all the time, we play Cosmic Encounter, Carcassone, Starcraft TBG, Starcraft 2, anything goes. X-Wing is just a game where I got better a lot faster since I actively searched for opponents, while not playing as often with her.

Now, she feels that I spend too much time with X-Wing and not enough with her. It's not really fair of me to tell her "well, let's play X-Wing together, if she really doesn't enjoy the game - which it is clear she doesn't.

You just have to find what you both enjoy, and find a good balance between that and xwing.

Quite so.

I did not create this thread to lament my situation. My situations is pretty **** good. The problem, I think, is that our hobby isn't inclusive enough. But, maybe I'm wrong. I think that the question of non-playing wives might be the best way to figure the problem out. In my case, it's because it's not the kind of game my wife wants to play, which has nothing to do with gender exclusion (I think). But, the sheer gender imbalance in the overall hobby is something that gnaws at me.

My ex-wife was a gamer, however she was a "bit" of a power-gamer where as I'm much more of a "play casual" kind of guy. So as much as I enjoyed the fact that she played several different games along with me, we seldom played against each other which as times was disappointing.

My current girlfriend is not a gamer at all and has no interest in it whatsoever. She doesn't mind though that I go off with friends to play for a day as she has her own diversions which I don't enjoy (she IS a gamer in a sense though as she likes going to the casino).

My kids on the other hand are die hard gamers and started from a young age. My son-in-law is one too and he and my daughter are raising my grandson to be the next generation of gamer. I only wish they were closer so we could play together.

My girlfriend likes to play the game occasionally (even requests it). I usually try to find a goofy list I want to play (usually involves a shuttle, since I'm not good with it right now) and I give her a good/fun/simple to play list that has a good edge over what I have. It's fun and all, but I think it doesn't let her improve as much, since I always prepare the lists. Maybe I should take her to the FLGS...

Hey, that's awesome!

It's equally awesome if it's her interest in X-Wing that's driving that, or her interest in spending time with you. I think there's also no problem whatsoever that she just wants to play it at the extreme casual non-competitive level, if that's just her speed.

It would be interesting if you would take her to the FLGS and see what she makes of it - and how the FLGS denizens receive her. Please let us know how that works out if you make that happen. Inquiring minds want to know.

I'm sure X-Wing is no different from most other typically geeky, male-dominated games/subcultures - women are not driven to participate, or are actively driven away, by the fact that many (not all or even necessarily most, but many) "men" in these communities have no idea how to treat women.

My gaming group isn't sexist, per se, but my girlfriend is a little turned off by excessive profanity and rudeness. It's boys being boys, I guess, but she doesn't want any part of it.

Here's the thing though, at my FLGSs, I don't actually see the the behavior that you suggest. For all the near-100% maleness of it, it's a very far cry from being the stereotypical football locker room. (Now, not having been a football player, I may be erroneously stereotyping the locker room, but I trust that you take my point.) On the other hand, I do see a bit more sexist talk here on the forum, so it may just be that my FLGSs are more polite than is normal.

I think it definitely varies, but I also think that reality is far less important than perception. Geeks are increasingly perceived as sexist, socially inept weirdos who have no idea how to talk to or behave around other people, let alone members of the opposite sex. This isn't specific to X-Wing, of course (which seems to have a better-than-average community) - but then, what do you make of this? Or this?

I'm happy for all of you who have found wives/girlfriends willing to share the hobby with you. I think that's a testament to the character of you and your friends. But I don't think it will be the norm until some of the perceptions of this hobby/geeks in general progress.