My Bottom Hurts (An Epic Tale Of Rebel Incompetence)

By FTS Gecko, in X-Wing Battle Reports

So, I took the afternoon off work today, put a chilli on in the slow cooker, set up the gaming table,rolled out my starfield gaming mats and settled down for a nice big, glorious game of X-Wing Epic.

After much to-ing and fro-ing, some advice from the forum and some hurried last-minute changes (for the worse, as always happens), I settled on the following 300 point list:

CR90 Corellian Corvette (fore): Dodonna's Pride, Han Solo, Quad Laser Cannons.

CR90 Corellian Corvette (aft): Engineering Team, Weapons Engineer, Quad Laser Cannons.

Chewbacca: Millennium Falcon, Predator, C3PO, Gunner

Dutch Vander: Ion Cannon Turret

Garven Dreis

Etahn A'baht: Push the Limit

Rookie Pilot

Rookie Pilot

So I got my models ready, drooling slightly due to the smells coming from the kitchen, and waited for my Imperial nemesis to arrive.

Soontir Fel

Rexler Brath

Whisper

Royal Guard TIE Interceptor

Sabre Squadron TIE Interceptor

Shadow Squadron TIE Phantom

Scimitar Squadron TIE Bomber

Delta Squadron TIE Defender

Academy Pilot TIE Fighter x 3

Not sure about the upgrades, but HLC's. Push the Limit, Predator & Outmaneuver all featured at some point.

It's fair to say I was feeling slightly less than confident... But no matter! It's all about the fun!

So, deployment; The three Academies dropped themselves in formation right in the middle of their deployment area, The Bomber sat next to them and the Delta deployed wide right. I matched them with my Rookies and carried on deploying, dropping Garven in alongside them, Etahn & Chewie on the right, Dutch and the Corvette on the mid-left.

When I looked back at the board again, the Corvette was already being flanked by three Interceptors and Whisper, and Chewie was staring down the barrels of two Defenders and a Shadow squadron pilot.

And it all kinda went downhill from there.

Chewie decided discretion was the better part of valor, turned away from the oncoming Wave 4's and made a break for it, hoping to get to the Corvette in time to dra some fire. Etahn and the Rookie found themselves blocked by the Academy TIEs turn 2, and Etahn was smoked by the turning Defenders before the could even push a single limit. The massed firepower of the Interceptors, the Bomber and Whisper took the fore section of the Corvette down to one remaining hull point in turn two. In return the Corvette knocked a hull point off an Interceptor and damaged the Bomber, and a Rookie finished it off.

Yaargh.

The Corvette made a mad 4 dash forward, hoping to present the Interceptors with it's rear section and draw fire away from the fore. It worked, and the following Interceptor pile up saw the Sabre Squardon and Royal Guard in arc at range two and Soontir Fel blocked by his own wingman.

Unfortunately, Chewie found himself surrounded by Two Defenders, three Academy TIEs and the Shadow. Grrrrrooooooooooooooawr? Bye-bye,Chewie. Garven found himself tailed by Whisper. He went bye-bye as well.

In a spot of good fortune, the Corvette's fore quad laser managed two crits and a hit on Soontir, who rolled one Evade and ate the two crits. The rear quad damaged the Sabre Squadron, and the Rookies couldn't see a thing.

Dutch went down in flames the following turn, leaving me with two Rookies and a now heavily damaged Corvette, which despite two recover actions was knocked down to 1 hull on the fore and 3 hull on the aft. Somehow, it managed to survive long enough to finish off the Baron before being blown to kingdom come by an Academy TIE at range 1, and we decided to end the Rebel's suffering there.

Roll of Honour Shame:

  • Etahn died without firing a shot.
  • Despite Chewie forgetting he had Predator, Gunner never activated once.
  • Dodonna's Pride was not used once.
  • Han Solo's ability was not used once
  • The Engineering Team and Weapons Engineer were incredibly useful - up until the point when they were vented into space by the aft section being crippled
  • The Rookie Pilot that got blocked with Etahn did more damage than the rest of my list (barring the Corvette) put together

All in all, a pretty bad day at the office for the Rebel Scum. Mistakes were clearly made. But it was still a fun game, and the Corvette didn't do all that badly considering how horribly exposed it's fighter escort left it.

The original plan was for as much action economy/synergy as possible - Dutch feeding the Corvette (double) target locks, Garven passing on Focus tokens,.the Corvette handing out (double) free actions while Etahn concentrated on keeping targets in arc and upgrading hits. Best laid plans of mice and men, eh?

Edited by FTS Gecko

Ouch, that sounds like a beating.

Yeah, I knew it would be a tough battle - on paper, the Corvette would seem to be more geared to slugging it out with other low agility ships (why hello, Mr. Decimator) than it is to dealing with high agility Imperial starfighters. But I didn't exactly giver it any help in that regard.

Plenty of mistakes were made on the Rebel side of the board - deployment, movement, everywhere. Atahn was supposed to arc dodge and just line up targets so others could benefit from his ability. Dutch was supposed to stay in range 2 of the Corvette to hand it target locks! (How difficult is that? Quite difficult, apparently...).

But plenty of fun was had anyway, which is the main thing. With any luck there might be some pictures added later on (all aboard the TIE Fighter Pain Train...)

"Uh... Commander? I think we may have a problem here..."

DoNotLetThsHappen_zpsb0cdd2e6.jpg

All aboard the PAIN TRAIN... CHOO CHOO!

AllAboardThePainTrain_zps4e2638c6.jpg

"There's too many of them! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Noooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghh"

TooManyOfThem_zpsce692f46.jpg

But....how did the chili turn out...

It was probably more devastating to my opponent than anything I fielded on in my list,to be honest. Oh yeah.

Half a kg of braising steak slow cooked for 6 hours, jalapenos, kidney beans, rice, tortilla chips, pineapple salsa and sour cream.

We called it Mex-Wing.

That sounds dad gum good. I can't do jalapeno peppers because of taste, but I'm sure it didn't taint that mixture much. The pineapple salsa sounds like a great addition

Maybe habanero peppers, for extra heat and that sweet flavor.. haha..

My friend was sweating as it was, I think habaneros may have tipped him over the edge..

My friend was sweating as it was, I think habaneros may have tipped him over the edge..

Revenge is a sweet, sweet thing.

My friend was sweating as it was, I think habaneros may have tipped him over the edge..

Revenge is a sweet, sweet thing.

Indeed, I love spicy food, but had a bad experience with jalapenos when I was in the Coast Guard. I'll just say this, Initiations and the juice of that pepper and sauerkraut juice... well let's just say I don't eat either of those two foods.. <shivers> blech

Yargh, that sounds... grim... to say the least!