Do you know the Muffin Men?

By Alderaan Crumbs, in Secrets of the Crucible

A culinary scientist recently attempted to craft “mood muffins” (fluffy treats allowing emotions to be tasted) using newly discovered microscopic fungi that respond to and affect psychic wavelengths. While splicing the fungal colonies with various yeasts they gained sentience, formed blob-like organisms and escaped. The psychic “muffin men” were born!

Are they good or evil? Did the scientist become their psychic slave or their caring parental figure? What are their goals?

Oh, give them stats, too. 😄

You asked for stats for the Muffin Men. So using the rules for species creation in the Keyforge source-book, I have devised this...

Muffin Men

Description: Despite the name, the Muffin Men are not men at all. Nor are they humanoid in appearance. A Muffin Man appears as a substantial mass of light brown pastry dough that constantly gives off a pleasant aroma of baked goods. They also have a strange ability to produce a good amount of freshly baked muffins each day. It is not sure if this muffin was once part of its mass, or a form of waste byproduct, but all tests by certified Logos food inspectors state that the muffins are free from harmful foreign objects and bacteria. For all accounts it is just a muffin. Sense the appearance of the Muffin Men, many restaurants and coffee shops have been vying to hire the species to come work for them. They do have the ability to communicate, but the language sounds like a series of gurgling, sputtering, and bubbling noises with no coherent pattern. So far no language translation algorithms have been able to decipher the language. Yet it appears Muffin Men can understand these noises when spoken by another of their own kind.

Muffin Men Stats







WOUNDS: 10 + Brawn

STRAIN: 12 + Willpower



· Natural Resources ( Muffins ): This species is capable of producing a freshly baked, edible muffins without the need for ingredients or cooking utensils from its own mass. The muffins created are of a plain variety, unless the species “consumed” some type of ingredient found in muffins (chocolate, berries, cinnamon, etc.) then for the next 24 hours the species produce a muffin with that type of ingredient backed into it. This species can create 2 dozen freshly baked muffins within a 24-hour period.

· Hypnotic Aroma: Who doesn’t love the smell of fresh baked goods? The aroma that is produced from this species puts other beings at ease. Add boost die to all Charm, Deception, and Negotiation checks this species makes.

· Vulnerability to Milk: For reasons not even Logos scientists can decern, milk causes this species to become sluggish and soggy. It appears no other liquid causes this same effect. While exposed to milk, this species increases the difficulty of their checks once. Being exposed to larger concentration of water can increase the difficulty more (GMs discretion). While exposed, any muffin the species produces comes out soggy.

· Tremorsense: Because this species is just a mass of living pastry dough, it has no eyes or ears. All of its ability to sense is due to vibrations given off by other beings that it is able to feel through its doughy membrane. This species does not add a setback dice to checks due to darkness, smoke, or other such obscurities. Although intense vibrations could add a setback dice in certain situations.

· Starting Skill: This species starts with one rank in Resilience. They obtain this rank before spending experience points, and this skill cannot be increased higher than rank 2 during character creation.

· Pseudopods: This species can extend pseudopods from its body. This type of limb is not as accurate or coordinated as other types of limbs, but should it be cut off this species can easily regrow new ones so it never worries about permanent limb loss. Once per round as incidental it can extend a Pseudopod. It can produce a number of Pseudopods equal to it’s Brawn. If they produce more Pseudopods than their number in Brawn, shy suffer 1 strain per additional Pseudopod. Once per round it can retract any number of Pseudopods.

· Slithering: This species slithers over the ground, so it does not suffer normal penalties for moving through terrain.

Creation Breakdown



COST (Starts at 110)








The description originally said it was fungus and yeast, so I went with Floral for physiology


Silhouette 1








It’s a blob, so yes Pseudopods are the best choice.





Natural Resources





The info mentioned they are psychic, perhaps the hypnosis is actually psychic based, but when they use it they always give off a baked pastry smell?




Added this because it seemed kind of right for a creature that is a living pasty blob. A nice little quirk to match the muffin making abilities.







I would not say that the Muffin Men have a tech level as they were created in a kitchen, but the Resilient as starting skill would match a creature that is a blob



That is one of my favorite things ever! Thank you!!! I totally plan on these being in my game! Really, this is fantastic!